Who wants to bet Trump didn’t know the housing bill can become law without his signature?

Mitch McConnell is getting more health care privacy as a corpse than women seeking reproductive care

He is explosive diarrhea personified

Taco Bell really said, hey WE’RE the ones to give explosive diarrhea. We don’t need any parasitic outsider confusing the situation.

Taco Bell removed menu items linked to explosive diarrhea-causing cyclospora. Execs assured customers they'll soon restore operations to causing traditional diarrhea.

Guys I got this- I just ordered a Cameo from Mitch McConnell and requested 24 hour delivery so I should have an update for you soon

Kelly Rowland has been trying to get in contact with Mitch McConnell to no avail

Senators "meeting" with McConnell in the hospital

Mitch McConnell talking to the right wing leadership today

When Drump inevitably claims that Mitch McConnell is fine and that he just spoke with him, remember that he also just “had a conversation” with Teddy Roosevelt.

Everybody send good vibes to Utah today. We’re fine it’s just Erika Kirk is unfortunately in town.

All you people who were screaming about ‘dead people’ receiving social security seem to be just fine with paying a brain dead corpse your tax dollars to be mostly dead.

They are saying Mitch McConnell is brain dead as though that’s a new development

Maybe I'm "too woke" but if my fiancé invited an ICE contractor to my wedding, I wouldn't marry him

“mitch is working remotely” okay elaine but from which realm

Hospital ER rooms across the country today:

Do you think she invited the Lorax, or not after everything that happened?

Has Mitch McConnell gone to hell yet? Like…what are we doing?

Mitch McConnell's work-from-home setup

Hey you wanna climb the tallest building to spread a message of love and peace in matching outfits looking hot as fuck?

Mitch McConnell communicating to staff

If Mitch McConnell is anywhere, I hope he's suffering.

Meanwhile at the Great American State Fair

It appears a military coup might be boiling up in Russia against Putin. I love that for him.

Oh fuck, y’all brought bags?! - every airline

I love when doctors say "avoid stress" like i can just unsubscribe from economy and become a decorative gargoyle

The pat heard around the world.

Make heaven crowded? That's a slogan for a death cult.

And just like that, a24 lost all the credibility they’ve worked years to cultivate.

*society collapsing* Employers: “What are your Q3 goals?”

Unfortunately she is not interim. Chuck Grassley and the other GOP committee members pushed through her confirmation. But she is doing an absolutely terrible job and failing to get indictments left and right.

Whoever this lady is... She's an icon and i love her energy ✨

Happy Father's Day to all the dads who didn't vote to take their daughters' rights away.

Developers will clear cut a forest to build a subdivision like this and then name it “hidden forest” or some shit

Happy Junteenth to everybody except people with thin blue line flag stickers on their car

Juneteenth Eve. Obamas. Knicks. Mamdani. NYC. Good weather. What a day to be alive.

THEY SPITTIN' FACTS

How it feels responding to MAGA comments online:

Voters in Oklahoma have rejected a measure that would have increased minimum wage.... "To keep Oklahoma more affordable."

This is what happens when you fall into the reflecting pool now

Has there ever been a more literal image of our tax dollars being poured down a drain?

The Reflecting Pool algae has agreed to stop growing for $300 billion.

Rubio when he finds out he's got to clean the Reflecting Pool.

Mitch McConnell returning to the Senate in 2046:

My doctor saying “avoid stress” as if stress is a neighborhood I can stop driving through.

Ibuprofen looking around in my body not knowing where to start:

We didn’t kill enough Confederate soldiers.

"if you tax rich people they'll just leave" Good, and when they do we can seize all their assets

"The baby you aborted could have cured cancer." So could the women you kept in the kitchen, denied their education, bodily autonomy, and basic human rights. But you didn't care about them either.

Everything is urgent in corporate America except salary increases and recognition.