okie doing better a bit now

punched my arm a lot n now its swollen and i fucked up a knuckle like legit has reduced range of motion and its purpling oopsie

i want to kill myself so badly rn

n e ways im perfectly set up timing-wise to take lax b4 our valentines date so ill be looking snatched af and sexy

so its looking very likely that im bipolar and i say this now bc im currently in a super fucking irritable phase and i just wanna cut so badly but i CANT because valentines is soon and even tho my gf knows abt my scars i will NOT subject her to fresh sh

ive been clean for a month and a half and its so unbearably strong right now oh my god im likehitting my head but i really wish i could do more

wrist pain going mega mode tonight

gotta track email collection at work now bc i don’t get enough and im gen struggling to not self harm rn over it

prepared some eggs last night, gonna use the marinade on some rice

im gonna practice feminine makeup over the next few days as my pre-shower fun so i can make her look pretty. i can do eyeshadow and stuff but contouring i almost never bother with and i dont wanna make her look weird. cause shes trusting me with this it needs to be good

It's funny how straight girl centric th1nsp0 quotes are. "So he can lift you~~" lmao I could be 40 pounds and my fiancé's twink arms still aren't lifting shit

locking in at least for now because: 1. ive gained a bit of weight 2. the lingerie barely fit me before, and probably wont at all now 3. i likely get to blow my gf on valentines, and i want to wear the lingerie during 4. i just want to

one awesome thing is we were cuddling/kissing a lot today and she said she might be comfortable enough for me to give her head on valentines!!!!! i wanna please her so badly

boyfriend is trans, i have girlfriend now which is so super awesome im genuinely so happy. i cried a LOT out of happiness and having general other stressors in my life

yall know what’s up

finally got lubricant for my treadmill so im taking a cheeky midnight walk before i head to bed

last two nights ive felt close to vomiting…. this morning i was starving to the point of nausea too. i hate it.

my atomach hurtsssds we had takeout for dinner

not doing horribly irt food today. finished some chips, had a small lunch, dinner will just be a muffin and drink (high cals but oh well)

slept in a lot, played overwatch for like 5 hours right after getting out of bed. waiting for hot water so i can shower. probably gonna paint my nails tomorrow

little bit of pasta so im not braindead when bf gets here

its literally 2:30am and my boyfriend is coming over tomorrow AND im having other friends later oh my god i need to go to bed

i had TWOOOOO of those malibus!! idek how many cals they are ugh. tracked everything else and im at 1,000ish

im such a fat fucking chud

soup for dinner which is good for mee

yummm

finally get to start dropping stock yippee shift has been boringggg and i havent been able to burn off breakfast yet

may the spirit of locking in possess me as january 1st approaches

ive hit a new HW….. dear god

done my christmas candy already lol

instead of making it just for new years im gonna lock in now. prepare myself for a party quantity of food, then stick to my diet in the new year. i know i can do this

i feel like im doing good today despite working retail

i actually controlled myself during dinner today…

got a face palette its sooo cute

i literally need to shut my fucking mouth and stop eating omg

society if i could just ask my boyfriend how fat i can get before he hates me without consequences:

might be getting gel nail stuff for christmas which is yaay yippee bc i can finally start doing cute nails and art. and dont worry itll be good quality stuff not generic amäzòn kits

despite eating and drinking stuff today i weigh less at the end after using the bathroom wowza crisis averted

tummy ache right as my shift starts auugghhhhh

do we think if i truly lock in that i can lose 15lbs by chrǐstmãs

studying is so boringgggg

ugh ok i dont work for like 3 more hours but im gonna go get food and study and then buy the retinol because everything is closed basically when im off

up an entire bmi point since last weigj in…. fuck my baka life

gonna buy some retinol today

my wrapped

had a nightmare i was shoveling down bread and cookies, plus in a different scene i made a fool of myself playing ddr and ended up being super broke

at least theres enough sunlight today i can do makeup before i leave, otherwise id just do it at tims lmfao

anyways house has no power bc its being worked on finally so i wanna go out but it means i have to brave bľǎck friďãý crowds at the mall…. but damn i want hot food for bfast + i need to do shopping + i wanna go to the arcade

ugh i slept so bad last night i went to bed early at like 10pm and then i woke up at 2 and literally couldnt go back to bed, i had to swap pillows, kick off a blanket, and turn on a livestream and even then it took agessss