Top tip: the best football ground drink is port miniatures. Portable, tasty, good when it's getting cold out, enough to keep you going without really adding significantly to your intake that day, you can easily empty them into a bottle of Coke

Whenever I see this I think of making a version where I've painted over all these names and put "Woodlice" across the country in the same font

I've had an opinion boiling up inside my head lately and it's this: autumn needs declassifying as a season. There are three seasons that overlap slightly and then autumn is six weeks long at best

Love those Insta accounts where all the posts are "I don't care if I used to be a size 20 and now I'm a 22! It doesn't matter, it's not like it defines me. Here's a photo of me being size 22, not size 20, and fabulous with it" and the username is like vikki_size22not20

Jonathan Ross, concerning vibe on TV for as long as I've known what TV is

Got an idea, somebody should do something the Guardian's blind date thing but it's just two people going for a drink. Platonic date. Stick a couple of people on a table together one evening and see how it turns out

Single file queues and app ordering in pubs: can't help noticing that the arguments against it often come back to "it's just not how it's done" and sometimes "it's not British", both really shit responses

Thing that gets me is, over the last couple of years in particular there's been a wild amount of stuff across all media encouraging us to be angry about trans people and most just aren't? There are many who don't get it, a lot of those are never going to, but the hate campaign is still just a cult

Got more useless Taskmaster takes I wish to share: 1) needs more creative tasks along the lines of the musical ones they used to have, ones where people get to use their imagination and be funny, and 2) fewer ones where Alex gets to be the star - he's meant to be the assistant ffs

For a moment I thought KWS had joined the artists removing their music from Spotify, but it turns out they're just on there as K.W.S. now

Tell you what you don't get anymore, people having the musical instrument they play as their nickname. Nobody's called like Gary "Bass" Johnson or Steve "Organ" Johnson

Sorry to say that imo Reece Shearsmith has the worst vibe of all the Taskmaster contestants so far. Don't appreciate it at all

Been called up for jury service. Long time e-pals will know why this is funny, and new e-pals will probably still think it's funny tbh

Always imagine the "heartbreaking" bloke was in an incredible band

Got to be honest, not for a while. Met a load of people in the 00s, some of whom are still good mates now, but I suppose these days it's less fun so I use it less, which means I talk to fewer new people, which makes it even less fun so I use it even less...

Can I just quickly say something? Kelly Rowland was very obviously not trying to text Nelly on Microsoft Excel. It was a mobile phone in 2002, it wouldn't have run Excel

A lot of mine are films. Haven't seen any of the Rocky ones or any of that, not many comic book ones, very few big name action movies, virtually none of the big horror films. It's not a brag, and I deliberately know enough about a lot of this stuff to blag it in conversations, just never seen it

New Dry Cleaning is good. I had them down as just your usual decent talky vocal post punk indie until I saw them live and the guitar was surprisingly mean, first time I've heard that come through on record youtu.be/Pk7V6zQFU6w?...

I thought the new Geese record would be their awkward third one, didn't love the first songs off it in isolation, but no, proper album

You can watch Keeping Up Appearances a different way when you realise Hyacinth is actually pretty sharp and Richard isn't "long suffering" but a whiny prick

What's that? You were wondering how and where Swing Out Sister's top 5 jazz-inflected synth pop hit from 1986 fits in the scheme of UK electronic music? Well, when explanations make no sense...

Keep seeing people reacting like being told they're racist or right wing is a cruel slur rather than just being a simple description of who they are and what they're saying

Keir Starmer objects to Led By Donkeys because he prefers to be the one in control

So my initial reaction to this was "I Get Lifted was a b-side?" but I suppose the more fun thing about George McCrae's stuff around this time is the Yo La Tengo cover of You Can Have It All

Boring one-day festival report: Float Along was fine. I say "was" but it's still on now, I just didn't fancy the headline stuff. Mandrake Handshake a proper band, I wasn't sure whether to go all in based on their daft name but yeah. Femur really good at the garage rock thing a lot of bands are OK at

Feeling done with social media tbh but dipping in to say that Acorn Gorlovka on form is a banger of a beer right? Tastes of black coffee and cigarettes with a hotel breakfast mini pain au chocolat on the side

Don't know about you but I'm getting "hyped" for the athletics world champs. I think I'd better watch every minute of it given my summer-long commitment to watching Diamond League meets on rainy nights in Gdansk or wherever on iPlayer

Think a lot of this Charlie Kirk stuff about him being "known for his provocative views" or whatever is due to this idea that nobody is really saying what they're saying. Like it's all part of some imaginary debate and if you react badly to anything you hear then that's on you etc.

"Autoglass repair, Autoglass replace"

Whoa, no way

Can already tell that The Paper is going to suffer from the "need to couple up characters because that's what people watch sitcoms for" thing you often get in US comedy

Guys I've just had two brilliant ideas! Don't you dare steal them. a) vegan substitute human meat b) vegan substitute rare and/or weird meats

I was wondering the other day if there were better examples of a cover becoming the song? I've considered it and there aren't youtube.com/watch?v=TIRV...

Good game of football this. Downham were quite 'direct' imo and you always felt there would be something in it for Walthamstow eventually if they kept plugging away, which they did

Love a cover where the artist makes the song their own, and there are a lot of more serious chin stroky examples of that, but there can't be many better than Pet Shop Boys doing Go West

Seriously I need to know which one of you this is, you need to calm down, it's 2pm on a Saturday and you're being incredibly militant about your right to listen to Thompson Twins

Hot honey is having a 'moment' huh? Everything is hot honey. If you can get hot honey into it then it's in it

There's an age above which nobody remembers how to behave in pubs, and age below which nobody has a clue how to and never will, and we're trapped in between

Got a possibly unpopular opinion, relevant because of the Linehan trial stuff, which is this: providing support at court hearings is pointless. What happens in court is not touched by how many placards are outside, it's a separate world. It's like taking a console controller to a football match

I reckon if I went outside a few minutes ago I'd be able to hear a chorus of millions of people saying "who the fuck is the Duchess of Kent?" at once. I know she liked Ice Cube but other than that

I might have gone in on Dubai Chocolate by now if it was called anything else. It's a kind of chocolate but it's showy and hollow and people only rate it if they got money out of it?

Good luck out there today, colleague going "hey have you seen this on the front of the Metro about the Father Ted guy?" and you having to find a way of filling in the gaps on the last decade or so of Linehan's life without sounding like *you're* the obsessed weirdo who won't stop posting on X

Iffy line in Only Fools and Horses just now, Del describing Albert as previously being "the Jimmy Savile of Peckham" - nah I think that's you mate

Diana memory that just bubbled up: me reading out loud to my dad something in the NME where a musician described her as "a horse wearing mascara", thinking he would find it funny because he hates the monarchy, and him going "WELL HE'S STUPID THEN ISN'T HE"

Just thinking, do you remember that period of time where pop music kept being described as 'disposable'? And now many of those guys still have careers playing that same music to people, and even a lot of the ones that didn't quite make that level have careers on stage or TV. Not very disposable then

Some Premier League games really play out with a kind of inevitability, like you go into watching them knowing what the plot is already, and Chelsea v Fulham is one. The only incentive to keep watching is to see the Fulham post-match reaction to two totally normal decisions given against them

I've talked before about not 'getting' CMAT etc or finding her a bit grating live, so I have to say that she's nailed it on Euro-Country hasn't she? Great album, just song after song

While I'm still thinking about shit journalism, a special little corner of hell should be reserved for the clown who got a story out of the inquest of a young lad an acquaintance knew. It's been so hard on everybody connected and now it's in a load of news feeds. Fucking rat, seriously

Oh so this is actually called THE Rhythm of the Night! That's going on the list because surely nobody calls it that

So tired of the latest round of "let's hear people's legit concerns", we know these people aren't upfront about their 'concerns' so what's the use? They talk in code, they hide things, they lie about what they think, they lie about who and what they know. No point if they aren't going to be honest