Couldn’t sleep last night until farrr in the morning, plus my cat was a butt. Now I feel crotchety, half-sick, & tired af cause I also got up early to call health insurance assistance person but had to leave message n now I’m still waiting to hear back. Bundle of anxiety yay. Hate phone calls.

Made another Skyrim mod, only took half a day ish. Adding more stuff to Karthspire Redoubt. Not as expansive as Ryn’s, but now people have another option for there. It’s not a place many mods overhaul.

Checked the Subnautica discord and huzzah, finally an early access release date! Excite. :D

Watching a streamer play Tainted Grail: The Fall of Avalon. And once again I’m just like… Cinnamonsage is so lovely. I really like them. They’re so great. Also, maybe I should actually sit my ass down and try to focus and write more of my fanfiction for the game. >..>

I confess sometimes I just search for Skyrim posts and heart them. I just like Skyrim.

In nicer news, my older brother texted me this morning, saying he got a korean fir for me, that they have blue pinecones. I wasn't expecting it. In fact I was still half asleep and thought it was a dream at first. : P /1

I think I've discovered a trigger(? if I'm using the word right) of mine, when reading fanfics. When someone is an absolute douchecanoe to a level of no good reason; constantly putting another character down, on their case, practically not letting them *breathe*. And they don't stop- /1

Starting my isekai in Skyrim again, felt in the mood…ish, since I’m not gonna continue Druid alchemist girl. Got her mostly set, just gotta finish some things tomorrow when I’m up, and she’ll be ready to play. Hopefully it all goes well. Be nice to get a character to at least lvl 20…

I haven’t really watched a Kdrama in around a year. But my brain decided to dream one up last night. It was very unexpected. I woke up in the middle of it so it never finished, but it was pretty interesting and kind of funny/comedic.

Welp, I got Cassia to level like... probs not higher than seven. Then crashed endlessly whenever I tried to go down Honningbrew Meadery road in Whiterun. Did so many things; but ehhh. Didn't work. So replaced few mods to other ones... but now gotta restart playthrough, but lost will to play. Ugh.

Touched grass today.

Made boxed ranch-bacon(bacon-ranch?) pasta salad... it's so damn good. SO GOOD. I ate three spoonfuls, but am saving it for tomorrow's lunch or dinner with hotdogs, so even if I eat only half there's already not much so I oughtn't eat more. Trying to distract brain w/ black cherry ice cream instead.

My Skyrim is so pretty.

I decided(ish) on the first name Cassia for her. Still not happy with it, but otherwise I never would’ve actually started her playthrough. But here is she and some beautiful scenery, and dungeon delving.

No matter what snow mods I get, Skyrim snow never matches across all its meshes... sigh. What a pain in the arse. It's otherwise a beautiful screenshot, though.

*Anxiety & fear around aging & death & awareness of it* Brain: This is what happens when you don’t go to bed before 2am! It’s /5am/!! Me: Shut the fuck up, brain. It doesn’t MATTER, even if I went to bed at 10pm. Anxiety will still be a bastard & never shut up. Just like you. 😑😡 @.@ Brains, man…

I am quite sad alllll the alchemy ingredients I collected will be gone. Even though I never found an alchemist to buy all of them(& I doubt they could, I had so many of some >..<) I am consoled by the fact... I can collect them all again after The Storm. : p Just can't suppress urge to gather, ig.

Got knocked unconscious? By first 'bandits' today in Keizaal Skyrim. But they were very well dressed & right outside Whiterun Meadery, so still not quite sure what to classify them as, tbh. The language & vibe was more, 'fratboys terrorize women & some men,'(other players ran past just fine). /1

Me and the Khajiit strangers-though by the time we got to Riften they weren’t strangers anymore-on our way to Riften in keizaal online Skyrim roleplay server.

Met several Khajiit on way to Riften in Keizaal online. They let me accompany them so I wouldn’t possibly get accosted by bandits. We introduced ourselves & chatted a lot. They were really nice. Walked the whole time tho too, so when got to Riften had to excuse self for irl nap, socialed out. 😅 /1

In bed and I sneeze like three times, louder than a damn trumpet or ish; and cat comes in thinking it’s time to eat. lol. My god. I’m not up yet, cat, it’s just dust.

Learned something new today 'bout roleplaying in games. A friend I talked to about a situation said absolutely what happened to me/what I found myself involved in second-handedly should've been discussed with me OOC first, that I never should've been made a part of it at all. So. That's a thing. /1

By the way, Aethelric Cordwainer, you are an absolutely wonderful singer and guitar player. I hope to run into you sometime in Keizaal. ((Watching a stream, and they're listening to you right now.))

I chickened out thirty seconds in when I spawned at Katla's Farm, but, I'm in. Maybe even later tonight or tomorrow; I'll log into Keizaal again and try again. I got stuck and couldn't move, anyway. My character, Rose Wander-Heart. Wandering bard, alchemist-wannabe, book collector.

Decided to try the Skyrim Keizaal roleplay multiplayer server thing. It looks so fun! Also quite nervewracking though cause I haven't actually played *with* people in multiplayer in ages, much less ever roleplayed with anyone. I might just lurk around for a while & not say much, just observe. 1/

My little baby at a yearish old with my bros dog(rip her). He’s so young… doesn’t have all that fluff he has now. Look at how neat he is…

I only have the last bit to do in Subnautica: Below Zero to finish it again. But I really... really don't like that final area. @.@ And then having to go all the way *back up* after... Ugh. It's so eerie, empty, still. Gives the 'nope' vibes. Endless. Isolated. Thanks, *redacted name*, I hate it.

Also! I like jumping spiders, & saw one is living in our house near the back door. I got another diff type dead spider smaller than it for food(I couldn't find any tiny flies) & tried to offer it. It started to take the dead spider! ...but then I accidentally dropped the dead one & startled it. :(

Me and my son hanging out outside cause it’s a nice day. But also, my eyes are really watery as fuck, because it’s so bright out, and my eyes are not used to this level. @.@

Here's another from that old Skyrimtoberthing. Using Nazeem as bait to lure bandits outside their cave.

Another from that old skyrimtobersomethingish monthly art thing...

Look at me, in bed before 1am… I swear I’m not getting old(though I am).

Have another old art from the inktoberesque Skyrim thing. I didn't play her seriously or for very long, so I don't really count her as my first khajiit character-don't even remember her name-but she was, technically, my first ever khajiit character.

This! This is what my furchild looks like when he curls up a certain way; he looks like these guys when he sticks his paws out and stuff! www.youtube.com/shorts/ikV0M...

No idea how to describe it, but even reading the Dune books' wiki of different events and terms gives me this weird... this feeling of having 'watched'/'seen'/'experienced' thousands and thousands of years of humanity's possible future & weird like, despair+nostalgia+... 'out-of-body, watching.'

Came across youtube videos of Markiplier playing the early accessish version of Subnautica: Below Zero. My gods, but it's so different than the game today. Particularly, a certain... uh... well idk how to say without spoiling... but a certain entity, at first meeting and perhaps beyond.

Also here, have more old art. I think it was for some monthly art challenge thing, can't remember if it was actually for Skyrim or not, but I think the day was 'enchanted/enchant' or something like that. So... everything on this Skyrim khajiit is enchanted. XD

On another topic so I don't spiral the fuck out even more... but slightly related cause its 'this is why you shouldn't do this stuff with religion...' uh... ... so I saw there is a Dune trailer? For a third one? Nice. I've watched all the old movie/show, they were neat too. Read a few of the books.

tw/cw religious stuff What a wonderful night to yet again have a breakdown about existence & american christianity & their god... I wish I'd been raised with a different version. Or a different religion. Or maybe none at all, would've been nice. Like... oh he's so great... but also if you don't 1/

Another screenshot try, this time an old one, of my main dragonborn's dad and his two husbands.

Some of my first forays into digital art yearsss ago(so no date or anything) using some kind of app on my phone.

Random test, here is another art, rather than a screenshot, but. Hopefully this isn't just a void when I post it.

I still can't decide the rest of my nord druid's name... may as well just call her Forest-Heart at this point and forget about a first name... jaksd;jfkljds;akfjdsa. Also, finished her home.

What I’m working on atm. My Nord Druid/kid abandoned in forests home. Still cluttering. More trying for ‘scavenged & foraged & stole, & traded(when older)’ vibe than ‘druid’ though. Like ‘put together from whatever she found.’ Will be ESL flagged cause it’s not got an interior cell.

I don't want to... get into detail bout what/who but someone was trying to help w/ the whole anxiety thing but instead ripped open wounds around religious bleh; & now my existential dread, fear of dying, & fear of nonexistence is even worse atm... time for some happy/cheerful webtoons & manga ig.

Names... are so hard. Made new nord gal for Skyrim just because, self-taught druidish abandoned in forest as child & grew up by herself. Over a dozen woodsy-foresty names I like. I can't decide. What if she just named herself all of them??? And it depends on the day?? Idk. Surname 'Forest-Heart.'

Bed at 6am, ayyyyy. >..<

I know it's obvious right? But. Take yer joy/happyness/little wins where/when you can. The world sucks rn all over in various ways, we gotta maintain our sanity among other stuff. Whatever that looks like for you. I've been watching random youtube chinese dramas atm. A couple have made me laugh.

Mum got me this little guy. Well, little but he’s almost the size of my cat when the fluffybutt is all curled up. XD

Antipasto salad is so freaking delicious. I’m so glad I decided one day at a bros graduation party that I was gonna like it. And for once and only time in my life, that worked.