Realized tonight that I’ve watched three separate shows this month that could be described by the question “does he know he has a boyfriend? I feel like someone should tell him”

“What are you up to this Valentine’s Day?” Oh just the traditional celebration: watching the entirety of David and Patrick’s love story arc on Schitt’s Creek. The usual. 🤷‍♀️

Surprising no one: Gasolina may be the worst “winding down for bed” song ever. Best for a spontaneous dance party during skincare though.

Buying a new phone case, also known as having an existential crisis. Do I want French toile skeletons in a graveyard? Pink cowgirls? Neon cherries? Who am I ?

Absolutely not one person on the entire Heated Rivalry production has been to Tampa before in their life.

Getting into anime means texting your friends, “what do you MEAN bottoming is the only form of first aid in this world? What if grandma needs medical attention?”

Watching JJK is just like, “huh. The pretty man is talking about imaginary numbers and apples again,” and wishing I was smart enough to know what’s going on.

My esthetician (the angel) ended the service with a pheromone oil with musk and sandalwood so I would smell all hot and sexy when I left her studio. I didn’t have the heart to tell her I was about to go home, put my hair in rollers, and knit.

Wine drunk watching AOT S4 is a trip because everything is pain but also he’s just over here making bad choices in a slutty little man bun.

Reading a popular fantasy series and didn’t realize the character they were describing was the MMC… so he’s now forever engrained in my brain as looking like Delightful Derrick

Sisterhood is live tweeting your friend while reading her favorite book after half a bottle of wine “Is his cloak color important bc she’s brought it up 6 times now? It’s red, we get it.”

The closed captioning for Attack on Titan on Crunchyroll keeps calling them “Aaron” and “Mika, sir” and I am going to scream.

It’s December 5th and I’m already considering hoarding the holiday ginger ale

I sure don’t understand what’s going on in this show where 98% of dialogue is people explaining exactly what’s going on. #jujutsukaisen

Working on a novel is hard bc when you’re tired you think “I should go to bed and read that book” And then you realize it doesn’t exist and if you want to know what happens next you gotta figure out what happens next on your own.

Discovered I have access to my medical charts and I like hurting my own feelings. Not one “patient was pleasant” but they did make sure they included “patient appears well nourished” 🙃

Best part of being single? No one to judge your weird culinary concoctions that make sense to no one but feed your soul

Got a soft spot for a bev and a boy that’s groovy 🪩

Why do I always find a recipe I can’t WAIT to cook right after I do a full grocery shop for another meal?

As a former culinary “gifted kid”… the fact that I actually kind of love my trendy, pretty, *nonstick* pan is giving me the ick.

Hello, my friends I’ve made the difficult decision to sunset my twitch channel. I will still be around as a viewer, but in light of everything going on in the world, it’s better for my mental health and happiness to take the responsibility of streaming out of the mix. With all my love, Chip 💕

Asking for a friend, how does one carry a handbag (handles too short for your shoulder, designed to be held in the crook of your arm) without looking like a snob/raging jerk?

I just want to talk to whoever told denim manufacturers that a half dozen buttons were better than a zipper. I just want to pee, not have my own personal escape room.

Do you ever just think about muppet vision 3d and get sad?

Almost called out of work sick today… got asked to present in 3 meetings so I worked late instead 🙃

Did Southwest actually think it was a great advertising move to say that in their new extra leg room seats ($$) you can *checks notes* cross your legs comfortably?

exhausted, laid down for a nap Heart racing, can’t fall asleep Still exhausted, made a cup of coffee Now exhausted with 2x the heart flutters

Ok it’s been 20 mins I think we’re good. Resume your normal activities folks. Sometimes I wonder how my OCD went undiagnosed this long 😂

Did learning about the Tylenol murders mess anyone else up? Because I noticed the cardboard box my moisturizer came in was opened when I left the store. This definitely isn’t a post to make sure if I die from arsenic poisoning you know why. Nope. That would be silly.

I think the issue lies in the difference between reality and dream logic 😅. It was a fine line half sleeve of white hydrangeas and their leaves, but it was ethereal and bright. The hydrangea tattoos I have found seem like if they are detailed enough there’s too much ink to read as fluffy and light.

The design for my next tattoo came to me in a dream and now I can’t find a single example photo online even close to what I’m thinking it would be like and i hate all the photos I *can* find 😂

Forever mourning the fact that there is no legal way for me to play Jurassic Park: Operation Genesis without rolling the dice on buying a 22 year old used cd rom and hoping it works.

I refuse to be even slightly chill when talking about my beloved Asset 87 and you can interact with the Jurassic Park IP with me at your own risk

Very much that. Like thank you for deigning to match with me, oh grand one. You wanna say hello or…?

If you match with me on hinge, the onus is on you to use your words. Don’t match with me and then send the auto prompt “start the conversation with Jeremiah” - I will not; it’s your turn.

Uh oh! All of my emotes have mysteriously vanished. Don’t worry - I’m on the case!

Talking about living with intention and creating small moments of luxury in my day to day: “what can I say, I’m good at caring for myself” My friend: “girl, when did you last drink water?”

Welp. I exploded a Coke Zero all over myself + my chair, said “oh phooey” out loud (sadly unironically), and then flawlessly whipped out a wet wipe and tide pen to clean up the mess… Think I’m still giving hot and unbothered?

I’m cool and mysterious and a pretty bi man will fall in love with me at the airport today. Putting it out in the universe. ✈️

I’m not a hipster until my favorite perfume goes viral on tiktok and I’m like “noooo that’s my ✨signature scent✨ stop making it mainstream”

Why does my food slap so much harder when I’m only cooking for myself? Y’all I swear I can cook I just have anxiety.

To the UX designers at Google calendar: sometimes I do more than one thing at once. Please allow me to check off more than one task without a 60 second cooldown. This is obnoxious

Doing some little chipmunk doodles tonight, playing with a new style. What do we think?

Spent my whole morning workout trying to keep a baby frog with a death wish out of the pool, because my life wasn’t weird enough.

I wish I was a little bit taller; I wish I was a baller; I wish I had a girl who looked good, I would call her

Sometimes I just want to tell the people of the internet that the word they’re looking for was “bawling” - you were not “full on balling” while watching Old Yeller.

Idk what y’all are on about that was a solid Jurassic movie, and does that T rex need a cuddle?

Went on a date tonight and casually spilled 40 oz of Sprite on myself… at the beginning of the night. And he still wants to see me again 😂

Listening to Magnus Archives on bone conducive headphones is something else… it’s INSIDE my skull.

The walk of shame home is even worse when a storm pops out of nowhere ten minutes after you get in (was not in the forecast when I left my house)