Me getting ready for the Rapture today. Tea, Earl Grey, Hot 😆

To confuse folks, I’ve bought half a dozen blow-up dolls which I’ll fill with helium. I can then release them skyward in the local park and shout “take me with you” as they fly heavenwards 😉🤣

The American Gays are on sale 🤔😳🤣

Photos you can hear #27 🤣

Trump must be on Ozempic. His cankles are looking so much better 😆

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY What if sex sounded like a straw going in and out of a fast food milkshake cup 🤔😳🤣

For the Epsteinth time, a 34 times Felon should not be gifted the red carpet treatment by our Government or Royal Family

What a way to start #lastnightoftheproms 👏👏 fan-bloody-tastic 🎉🎉👍

The King completing his final preparations for meeting Epstein’s pal when he visits the UK next week

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No matter how often I shop in The Range I never see Bruce Hornsby. I guess that’s just the way it is. Somethings will never change 🤔🤦🏻‍♂️😆

Thoughts and prayers with all those in UK prisons who had a mobile phone secreted up their arse at 3pm this afternoon 😳🤣🤣

So by changing Dept of Defense to Dept of War I think the players are all now set…. War = Pete Hegseth Pestilence = RFK Jr Famine = Kristi Noem Death = Stephen Miller Welcome to the 4 Horsemen of the Trump apocalypse 🤦🏻‍♂️

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The space between them is called the perineum

Sun 7 Sep 3pm the UK Government will test the national alert system (10 sec alarm to mobiles). Phones could make a loud sound even in silent mode. Domestic violence survivors may have a 2nd or hidden mobile for safety & the alert could reveal its location. Please turn phone off briefly before 3pm

POLICE: OK Sir, do you know why I pulled you over? ME: To give me a blow job POLICE: OK Sir, please step out of the vehicle and put you hands behind your head ME: I fucking knew it!! 🤣🤣

1st September…..preparations have begun 😆

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“Ted, do you want to paint a traffic island with me” 😆😆

Airbnb property owners after the Reading Festival closes tonight 😳😆

When I was a kid, I could go to the local shop with £1 in my pocket and leave with a bag of crisps, two chocolate bars and a can of coke. You can’t do that these days…..bloody cameras everywhere 😳🤣🤣

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I need to fix my school trophy, as no one believes I won it for playing Tennis 😳😆

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R.I.P Terence Stamp (22Jul1938 - 17Aug2025). Award winning actor of stage & screen since 1960, appearing in Billy Budd, Legal Eagles, The Sicilian, Priscilla, Wanted, Superman, Valkyrie, The Adjustment Bureau to name but a few. A rare acting talent. Rest in Power 💗

Diarrhoea Awareness Week starts tomorrow ……runs until Friday 🤔🤦🏻‍♂️🤣

Thank you for being a friend ….THWACK!! 😆

Happening today…. KGB meets KFC

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I was channel hopping last night and found a programme where a lady was listing all these great things to do for fun. Then I realised I had landed on one of those religious channels and she was reading a list of sins 😳🤣

Bloody Hell !! It’s that nosey cow from next door again 😆😆

Now I understand why he was in so much pain 😳😆 #lookcloser

Who at Disney approved Power Bottom Aladdin? 🤔😳🤣

R.I.P Ray Brooks (1939-2025). Born in Brighton and a stalwart of TV. Cathy Come Home, Corrie, The Avengers , Danger Man, Big Deal and everyone’s childhood favourite Mr Ben 😢

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Whoever came up with the spelling for “receipt” was an idiopt !! 🤔😳😆

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It’s meteorological filth is what it is!! 😳😆

Oh dear, how sad, never mind

Category is……. Old Testament realness 🤔😆

Diddler on the Roof 🤣🤣