heh, eheh, heh heh heh... i am once again doing mad experiments on my surface pro 2. i have never used arch before. i am still learning my way around and i'm not sure if i prefer it over debian-based distros yet, but: sure is fun to play around

today's look, for an autumnal botanical garden visit 🍂

my desire to learn new things is insatiable. every now and then, i wonder if i'm in wayyyyy over my head. i keep sitting down to study/practice something new, and quickly feel overwhelmed. and yet... i keep going back for more...

first time doing a french manicure. damn that shit took forever

it's incredibly funny to me that scarlet/violet introduced a gym leader named Tulip with two of my favorite pokemon (gardevoir & florges) & also talks nonstop about makeup. if gym leader tulip wasn't a she/her user, i would be wondering if game freak is trying to parody me on purpose

god. i had a lot of fun drawing today. thank you to all the people who enjoy my catsona. i love drawing them very much

quick redraw of that one photo of Bill Gates that's weirdly seductive, feat. my catsona (they/them only)

at some point i really want to draw a portrait of my catsona posed like this famous photo of macintosh designer susan kare

pondering dangerous questions (they/them only)

fall/winter looks for my catsona (they/them only) sorry these are so rough, my hands are so shaky today!!

today's look ❤️ i really love the tone on this particular red lipstick. the slight deep berry undertone is so lovely (violette fr feather matte in "syrah fumé")

man. it really sucks having an interest that is just. So niche and basically nonexistent in all the online communities i'm already a part of. waugh...

hanging my head while i put away my toys [i had a few laptops sitting out and taking space in the living room and none of my projects were working out]

feeling particularly deflated tonight. i keep picking up projects and being unsuccessful or having stuff go wrong, there's so much stuff weighing on my mind that i don't feel comfortable or safe talking about, and i basically wasted my entire day

feeling very "jack of all trades, master of none" today

groggy and tired today. not necessarily because of daylight savings but because i spent too much time today lying down and feeling sick to my stomach with anxiety

in the mood to tinker around with a toy but i don't know which one. do i mess around with one of my surface pros or my winxp-era thinkpad...

outfit ideas (browsing thistle & spire's website and daydreaming)

been getting in the habit of doodling in ms paint again. it's always fun and refreshing. i've been trying to sketch in my ipad more regularly too but my brain just shuts down as soon as i start thinking about art "seriously". argh!

an annual tradition continues: ALUCARD FAN HAS LOGGED ON (2023 / 2024 / 2025)

me after posting cleavage & feeling intoxicated with power and self confidence

🦇 DARK METAMORPHOSIS! ⚔️ halloween is mostly an excuse for me to max out my goth drama meter. (i know there's hella cleavage in this outfit but be respectful ok.)

i forgot that today is halloween. whoops! well, i gotta take the opportunity to level up my sexy goth stat

thinking about it again. i hold my queerness—and *specifically* being queer—close to my heart. i am queer; i am strange and peculiar. but trying to use "who i am attracted to" as a label to broadcast to others just does not appeal to me. instead, an anxious pit forms at the bottom of my stomach

so exhausted today. did not get very much sleep and i'm incredibly stressed out. bwuhhhhhhhh

not sure what's gotten into me. i have felt fairly confident in my own skin for the past few years, after so many years of feeling othered and like i was being gay "The Wrong Way". i've been digging through a lot of junk in my head and maybe some weird emotions were unearthed.

i might delete this later but: i was reflecting on being queer tonight and suddenly realized that my gayness isn't really a trait i feel like emphasizing & broadcasting about myself. being nonbinary already makes "gayness" difficult to define cleanly. but in general i feel complicated about it

there should be a lightweight 13-14" laptop with 100% sRGB color with a nice keyboard and trackpad and affordable for me specifically

i'm under a big blanket and grabbed my switch and loaded up some comfort TV to watch so i could relax. my mind is still stuck on trying to figure out stressful shit though. aughhh stopppp

Taking some commissions! These ones are DIFFERENT 🌸PETAL 2 OVERWORLD MAP STYLE SPRITES🌸 Made in the style Petal 2 is going to use for the overworld maps in some modes! 32x32 size, 3 frames per direction! $50 base price + $10 for asymmetrical character + $15 for unusual movement 8 slots open!

overwhelmed with the desire to do a scribbly ms paint drawing of my catsona (they/them only)

i love to open the bluesky app and instantly get flashbanged by a white screen for half a second and then the app is unresponsive immediately afterwards. it's awesome. i love it.

sigh......i want to feel hot & sexy again....

making an apple spice cake today. anyone want some

i'm guesting on my buddy @evanonline.bsky.social 's stream for more Ambition, a Flash series from the early 00s. do you want to see some insane soap opera antics? scary traced vector drawings of people's faces? tune in and find out...!!!!

ugh. sleepy day. couldn't sleep for hours last night because i kept getting wound up and stressed out. not exactly happy with my nocturnal lifestyle right now

needed to get some thoughts about art and creating out of my brain. i don't have all the answers but i do know one thing: it is worth creating things blog.platinumtulip.net/art-for-an-a...

TOMORROW AT 7PM PST @platinumtulip.net and I will RETURN TO THE WORLD OF AMBITION.

i finally fixed the python CLI tools that i use, and it took less than five minutes. Please Clap For Me. previous attempts involved me reading a bunch of crap i don't understand for an hour before giving up. thank you `pipx reinstall-all` for saving me from this fate

thank you for all the kindness and cat photos. i am feeling a little bit better compared to earlier and i'm relieved that i managed to cook dinner instead of stress-napping all day. the sadness is still there but it's tolerable

ended up listening to tatsuro yamashita while cooking dinner tonight. i made rosemary white bean soup with roasted potatoes. turned out ok i think

curling up with my big kitty plush and watching old mst3k episodes because i just do not know what else to do with myself

having a very rough time today. extremely sad and distraught over personal stuff. kind words and/or pictures of cats would be much appreciated

right now—for me, specifically—my photography reflects a will to live, and to keep going. i take photos when i want to remember something later. i regularly look back at old photos to jog my memory. or if i just want to be reminded of the good that exists in the world.

drawing has been purely for myself lately. a private activity. all deeply personal. right now, i feel more comfortable sharing the photos i take. if i see something that catches my eye, or something that brings me joy, i want to try to share that with others

went out to a park with friends and got to borrow a mavica again. i really gotta just buy one on ebay myself at this point. it's just too much fun to take photos with

today's look, and a closer look at my nails. i am quite fond of this color... a blackberry jelly kind of vibe

i keep having these moments where something is *supposed* to be fun and exciting and potentially self-indulgent, but instead a bunch of suppressed anxiety comes bubbling up to the surface. so then i have to deal with big scary emotions instead of, you know, having fun

i had a pretty decent day but i've been afflicted with some kind of status effect and i can't seem to ease my nerves no matter what i try

i found out last week that i like balsamic vinegar. normally i have a very intense sensory repulsion to any kind of vinegar. but i guess it makes sense that i would get along with "syrupy and tangy fruit vinegar" better than other kinds. i hear it's good with roasted veggies.