I am giving away my Persian Hooded Corpse Worm. He needs to eat three bags of premium mulch every day and I just can’t afford it anymore. Please help him find a good home.

Today is Sophie’s birthday. We invited all her friends and grilled hamburgers but no one turned up. Even her favourite cigarettes can’t cheer her up.

Miguel, I’m sorry I hit you in the head with that hammer. I don’t know why I did it. I really care about you. Please come home.

Took Wesley to the pond today. The little scamp was so excited, he threw up twice.

Biggly smashed all the stray cats in the alley, causing the rat population to grow uncontrollably. So begins our joint business venture as rat milkers.

Brian kept saying “I am walking over here” in an unacceptable Italian-American accent, so I cast the fungus spell on him. The fungus spell is quickly becoming one of my top 5 spells.

Sticky lost my rarest, most valuable toad, the elusive Rhodesian Blue Foot. Naturally, he will be spending the next 13 months in The Circle of Torment. If you are interested in becoming my new Toad Keeper, please submit your toad portfolio below.

Annabelle more than doubled her milk quota. In order to prevent wastage, each of my followers may take one large sip from the communal milk through. You cannot refuse the sip.

Visited g-paw at the old folks home. He says the staff aren’t feeding him. Maybe if he didn’t tell so many lies, he would be in this facility in the first place. Disgusting old coot.

I caught Hogly doing what the youths describe as the “Fent Lean”. I don’t know what that means but I hit him with a stick anyway. I am sick of these children and their new trends.

I must have whipped about 9 of these things to death with my belt just this morning. They weren’t bothering me but they are probably evil because I currently do not feel any remorse.

Today we celebrate Ashley’s Quinceanera. Celebrate immediately. Quickly.

Blasted creature sprayed me with the poison ink. Vile little squid. Rancid little sea slug. Naturally, I am very upset

Dillon has finally started to shed his mortal shell. As per tradition, his skin will be consumed by his younger siblings so that they, too, might grow strong and sprout ☺️.

Paul is becoming more silly each day. Yesterday he pulled out of our driveway in his Ford Taurus and didn’t even realise he had reversed over my infant son.

🚨 Hog post. Hog post. 🚨

You have all been so very kind me. To thank you all, I will be releasing Boris for 12 hours. During this time, you may each pick a child for Boris to hunt and destroy ☺️.

I hate making serious posts but I’m in a bit of a pickle and it can’t hurt to ask. Please know I won’t be making a habit of posting like this, and I’ll be back to my regular content soon! Sharing this post is hugely appreciated. ko-fi.com/crabcreatures

Maurice ate two dozen oysters at the seafood buffet and threw up on the carpet. We both refuse to clean it up. It is festering.

The vile wizard turned me into a slug. I’m not hating it. I can eat as much dirt as I want without getting a bad tummy, and I can stick to more surfaces. Yet to see a downside tbh.

Jennifer has been charged with arson and destruction of government property after she set fire to a police cruiser in the parking lot of her local Pizza Hut. She is utterly remorseless because she is, in fact, a clam.

I took Gina out berry picking with me today. The little rascal ate a handful of raspberries and about 6 squirrels.

No funny crouching man this week because sick. I substitute art for picture of my dog. Her name is Bilbo and she is stupid ugly stupid idiot stupid.

Which one of you disgusting cretins told Jessica about the ocean? Now it’s all she talks about. I refuse to give her more than one bottle of Dasani per day.

I found this bat on my property so I sprayed it with poison. Now I’m in trouble because she was “endangered” and “highly intelligent” and “capable of complex emotions and higher cognition”.

This man peer-pressured me into eating a bug and unbeknownst to me recorded the whole ordeal. If you see the video report it IMMEDIATELY. Do NOT share the video of me eating the bug.

Since we have new people joining Bluesky, here's a starter pack I made of cool horror artists you can follow! It includes many small accounts that deserve more attention! Give them all a look, they're great: go.bsky.app/73vzeaV

I’m pretty much exclusively using this app going forward. If I followed you on the hell-website and don’t follow you here, please let me know. If you don’t know me. Me am crab. Me make crouching men.

Pierre has lost his gorgeous feathers after an incident in which I boiled him in a pot for several minutes. Please reassure Pierre that he is still beautiful.

Huffing cans of air duster with my girl Hoglette behind the Arby’s. When we’re good and elevated we’re gonna split a Meat Mountain. Feeling positive 😊

This man has been stealing my radishes so I laced them with a tremendous amount of fentanyl. I have made the situation considerably worse.

This is my newest son, Snaillorr. My son is probably better than your son.

Stupid homunculus bit my finger. Gonna take away his weighted blanket AND smash his GameCube memory card with a hammer.

Caught Becky drinking engine coolant again. Needless to say, 14 years in the punishment pit.

In 2006, Biblo struck and grievously injured 3 pedestrians with his Honda Accord. The authorities never found him. Please congratulate Biblo.

Leslie ate a whole box of cornstarch and now he has a tummy ache. I don’t know what he expects me to do about it. I can’t take it anymore. I am at my limit.

Giblo forgot to de-slime the newts. The brew is absolutely ruined. Stupid Giblo. Stupid.

Boris bit a child who dared to approach him today. Here he is enjoying a nice bowl of reward chili. Eat up, Boris!

I made a horror art starter pack for all the newcomers! It contains a treasure trove of cool artists to follow. It includes a bunch of smaller accounts I love, go give them some support! go.bsky.app/73vzeaV

Last time I’m taking his ass to SeaWorld. Spent the whole time terrorising the stingrays. If he wasn’t bound to me by an ancient curse I’d throw his ass in the garbage.

This is Brent. Brent has been scaring my prized Hens and stealing their precious eggs. Get fucked, Brent.

Bethany got her nail done. Looking good, Bethany!

Everyone was very kind to Wilmer. No one will be receiving his great Worm Curse this year 😊

I have neglected you. My attention has been with the hell website. I am sorry. Kisses.

There is never enough hog. Paise hog.

I struggle to keep up with new apps. Have a pig in a bath.

I will pay someone to destroy this skeleton. He keeps yelling. I am sick of him.

Hole man has a hole. I can fit my whole arm in there

Sometimes I paint things too. Here is my handsome toad 😤.

It is October so I will post as many skeletons as I want. Try to stop me. You cant. Please don’t actually try tho.