I don’t know what to say about *gestures broadly* so I will just share this cutie I sent her picture to a friend who loves birds and said “this is my new friend Loretta” My friend texted me back “I love her. My mother was named Loretta”

The vet just called to tell us this old lady baby is the healthiest 14 year old dog he has ever seen. “You are doing everything right, you are very good dads” 🥹

I moved a plant up to my bedroom. Then of course that spot needed another plant. That made the couch not quite right, but shifting it meant that the coffee table felt wrong so I swapped it. Now the chairs in the reading nook looked crowded. (This is how I ended up sitting in a heap of furniture)

Old white man pulls up to my tamalero in his pickup. I immediately feel worried and mosey over. He is just chatting away in broken gringo Spanish talking about how happy he is that the tamalero is open Happy New Year!

I was chatting with my Grandma and realized I forgot today is my parents’ anniversary and was like ‘oh oops I feel bad’ Grandma: “why should you give a fuck? It isn’t your anniversary for god’s sake!” 😆 I love her so much

Well she just did it again but thankfully I have this post to remind me that she is a mensch and a bad communicator. I am not being fired, I am not being fired, I am not being fired

The fact that it took me 3 days to watch one episode of the new season means I should give up on Vanderpump Rules, right?

Feel sad, buy a plant. Soon I will live in a plant store

Some gays have a fancy house on our block (it was the funeral home in Fargo S4) They never shovel/salt, which has caused drama Yesterday, in the most stunning display of midwestern behavior I’ve ever seen, a neighbor bought them a shovel, put a bow on it and put it on their porch

I’m gna cheat and post my husband’s biceps. Cuz unless you like no discernible difference between flexed and unflexed arms I got nothing

Call me crazy but it’s 50 degrees so I’m going for a walk in the pouring rain

While ostensibly congratulating my brother, my aunt said the wedding can’t be in summer because she’s busy and fall is best. My brother said they were thinking spring and she literally shouted “it can’t be May!” My cousin pipes up “mom, get some self-awareness. They don’t give a shit if you come” 🤣

Highlight of Christmas: I gave my Dad a thistle sock (long mesh tube for feeding finches). He opens it, holds it with a weird look, laughs uncontrollably for 2 mins solid and when he is finally able to speak, tears streaming down his face from laughter he says “I thought it was male lingerie”

Me: “it always surprises me that you don’t have a routine for the things you do every day” Husband: “I do have a routine for things. It’s a routine that doesn’t make any sense!” 🤔

Second year of Christmas brunch with just my immediate family. Cannot recommend enough.

She has decided that we will sit like this. I am not to hold her arm or rub it, I must just allow it to rest on my hand or she cries and swats me with her paw

Flying internationally is often super cheap on Christmas Day and next year I think I am going to free myself from the guilt and just go

Correcting people is an agony to me. My friend was interviewing for jobs and repeatedly using a word super incorrectly and it still physically pained me to correct him

Being reminded of everything Mariah said about Nicki literally made me wake up in the night wondering what we might learn about JLO (Just joshin’ she doesn’t even know her)

Do you panic a little whenever you eat peanuts that you might kiss someone with a severe allergy or are you normal?

True story, iykyk

Using all the Ho Ho Ho gift tags for my brothers fiancé because I am sweet like that

A relative just told me “I don’t dislike your mom. I don’t. I just think she is the most self-centered person I’ve ever met in my life” Christmas about to be lit

Just spent approximately 15 mins and covered all the recessed lighting in my kitchen with retrofit kits that are flush with the ceiling. It looks so much better. Why did I wait this long!? Remember this the next time you are procrastinating, JZ (I won’t)

I went into an apothecary and florist and the florist was being really grouchy I anxiously approached, blurted “I just want a bundle of eucalyptus because I love it” Her whole demeanor changed and she gave me quite a nice bunch and two air plants for $13

My Dad mostly ignores me (and everyone) but today I was talking about how my bird feeder has guest passes to watch the birds He immediately perks up, “I will take one of those” and promptly disappears back into his world Ten minutes later “an oriole is the prettiest bird I’ve ever seen”

I don’t particularly like hosting holidays but I do because otherwise my extended family, all of whom can afford to be generous, just don’t have enough food I find it so galling, so I host. And have enough food to eat, for people to take some home and still enough left to host another gathering

Conversation with bloomf just reminded me that two guys on my floor in college were the fire marshals for the dorm. They made themselves uniforms (red jocks and fire hats) and set up a fire station in my dorm room. Straight boys 😂

The babies have begun to visit. Officially a bird lady

I’m masc now (I put up this light just now)

My brother proposed to his girlfriend last night and I am super happy for them, but I am mostly relieved. I was helping him plan and keeping a secret for two weeks almost killed me. My chatterbox self is not built for such things

If AI was actually helpful it would go through these best books of 2025 lists, decide which ones I would like and add them to my hold list on Libby, but no all I get is incorrect summaries of google search results that I don’t want

Only one of us is comfortable but we are both happy

Friends hot husband won’t take nudes because he assumes she will share them with her gay besties (she doesn’t deny it) Today he told her he thought he pulled his groin and she said “oh I better take a pic for your doctor” and he laughed “nice try”. Anyway, a true ally is beautiful 🤣

So funny. My husband called the bank at the end of the block to ask them to clear the ice and snow off the sidewalks by their parking lots and they said “yeah, a lot of neighbors are mad but our corporate offices won’t do it. Can you call the city and ask them to fine us?” 🤣

As if my giant plant collection, gardening, PBS obsession, etc weren’t enough I just got a bird house. The level of cool I am is astronomical

Much Madness is divinest Sense - To a discerning Eye - Much Sense - the starkest Madness

If you’re feeling a little low google Dua Lipa Amor Prohibido

Went out of my comfort zone and went to a queer Christmas market Stood in line for 45 mins, walked inside and it was so crowded (not just with people, which obvi, but also just a narrow path between tables) that I panicked and left Felt like a fail but bloomf convinced me it was good to try 🥰

My brother released his new album and this video today. It’s my favorite video ever, funny, cute, great song, lots of @derekzoia.bsky.social singing and heavy on Chicago shots

Me: “Oh that’s funny E just said he hopes we aren’t out walking in this. I told him we were just at the lake” Husband: “it just isn’t that cold. It’s not windy ya know?” Me: “yep. It’s the wind that’ll getcha” You’d never know we were both born and raised in the Midwest 😂

It’s super cold, icy and there’s salt everywhere. It’s been hard to walk the dog so I thought I would be clever and drive her to the park to enjoy a short walk We arrive at the park, it’s sunny, the paths are plowed but not salted, I excitedly unload her. She pees and runs straight back to the car

Recently two different friends asked if they could unburden themselves to me and then proceeded to apologize the whole time for being negative So, a reminder, you don’t have to be bright and shiny all the time, or even most of the time, to be loved. Lots of love to all of you 🫂

An old friend messaged me and I told him that he looks great His response: “it takes a village” And that is the realest shit ever

I asked for frosting that tastes like the milk after you eat Cinnamon Toast Crunch and I’ll be damned if my husband didn’t make exactly that. Best cupcake of my life

Today is the day for my annual bday pizza party for my friends and their kids but it’s super snowy so I asked if everyone was still okay to come The response was “um, Jonathan, this is Chicago, if we couldn’t handle 2 inches of snow we wouldn’t live here” 😂

PBS releasing season 3 of RFDS on streaming today was exactly what I needed

I am thankful my family does Thanksgiving lunch so I will be back in my PJs cuddled up with my dog by 4 pm

My husband is always going a bit overboard 🥰

Well today Costco told me I needed a wreath, a cooling pillow and collapsable crate