hang on real quick "kroger, independent local grocers, costco, sam's club, union organizing, wal-mart..."

it's on sale here for a buck eighty nine. Send the homies up. Woop Woop!

We're stopping our physical circular to: -torment our elderly shoppers -torment our hourly associates with elderly shoppers asking why they need a phone and to just provide them with a physical copy.

We here at #Meijer treat all our neurodiverse employees the same. Meaning if they slip up on paying us we traumatize them with a perp walk and ruin their chances of future employment with a theft charge.

Attention Meijer Team Members, we're working to further improve your working experience by replacing your Human Resources worker with AI! That 350 pound human strapped to the rolly chair in the back by the learning center is finally free!

We made an oopsie when we fired one of our hard working team members for eating prepared food that was about to expire by getting law enforcement involved. Pwease fowgive us, kissies and hugs #Meijer.

Attention Meijer Guests: Our Frederik's brand Shrimp are guaranteed free of Caesium isotopes. Unlike those shifty Walton's, we use the best quality shrimp raised in India by our trusted partners.