Cuz baby now we got bad mud. You know it used to be mad mud

1925 jobs: oh boy 5am time to move some big rocks back and forth for no reason 2025 jobs: Hawk tuah retrospective video Essay YouTuber 2125 job: they won’t exist because I just pressed a big red button that says “kill all humans.” Whoops!

Reply to this if we’re friends and I need to follow you

torture and chill sessions with your favorite concubine >>> ⓘ This user has lost the Mandate of Heaven.

Liberal Customer: Could I get a Moccha Fucciato with extra bullshit! Me, fuming angry: Listen here you dumbass fuck— Force ghost of my uncle who touched up on me: Remember patience. Me: man fuck you

Job in 1994: factory worker. Coal miner. Lady doctor Job in 2024: McDonald AI burger consultant, AI prostitute designer, fortnight player What happened to society?

Is it safe here

Me: Hello Buttercup 😀 Gonna try this new trend: “Unemployed Heroin Addict Fall” 🥰 Breadwinning GF: *checking her phone* Not seeing any Meg Bitchell tweets about this 🤔 Me, frantically leaving apartment: Girl dinner better be in the oven when I get back

Trying to riff with the prosecution and getting really mad he’s not ‘yes and’ing me. Did this clown even take improv classes at “Harvard”

Woah … samshmouth guy dying was NOT on my 2023 bingo card *checking my card* Oh wait. It was. BINGO!!

Get this ijbol nonsense away from me. It’s the scrappy doo of acronyms to lol’s scooby. It’s demonic and possibly satanic also and I hate it

Love languages…personality types……astrology…if you believe in any of these I have a concept to show you called “Adult Santa Claus.” it’s me in a funny red hat and you give me 500 dollars

Clear recent searches ❎ Xanax dark web buy Elmer Fudd in real life Bugs bunny current location Can bugs bunny save you Elmer Fudd Can anyone save you Elmer Fudd wesell pwice MacBook aiw

Can’t wait to get home and stare in the fridge tonight for 1-2 hours

Me: Hey bro, check this out 👉📱 --> Viral bait tweet: and for why are you, as a MAN, still using Snapchat past the age of 22 ☠️ gay much? The kid 7500 miles away paid .10¢/hr to make that phone: I just know someone’s reading a banger with this 😭

MY BRO: MORON..that was the worst impromptu “Wonderwall” I’ve ever heard 🤦 we can never show our faces at Sock’s Co-op again. ME: i just choked man. I’m so sorry GUY WITH NO ARMS OR LEGS: You think that’s bad. I have no arms or legs

phone’s dead 🤦 I’ll use my wits to get home like a true New Yorker *going up to lady* BAZONGAS!! 🤩 *she slaps me so hard I go flying* YES! 🚀 wait 🤨 this isn’t my apartment..*look at giant sign that says ‘Lab to Create COVID 2’* Erm.. 😅 does y’all’s smoke weed

Doordash Guy: Food here! 🤨 Are you sniffing me? Her: 💨👃🏼I am assessing your abilities DG: …and? Me: Weak knees🧐 flabby middle, 👈 and rocks for brains 🗒️✍️You’re a prime candidate for “the Surgery” DG: My ass is not getting out of here alive🤦 Me: 😹 DG: 😂 🤔 😭

Ice cubes ruin any drink. Pathetic

*looking at news story that says ‘TikTok Proven To Lessen Anxiety’* Yup. Looks like the kids are gonna be “all right” 😉 *scrolling to story that says ‘Joe Biden Legalizes Young TikTokers Torturing and Killing All Millennials’* Cheeky tykes 😅

I’m going to repost every one of my tweets in order

They should rename this site “y”

This site could kill twitter right now if it had group chats idk what’s going on

Unmm because you don’t get pussy? Yeahhhhhh lol 🤷‍♂️ ladies since there’s no DMs on here just use the replies I’ll respond 👇

Just says you don’t have a penis and can’t cum and can’t get hard and will never find love and go 💅🏻 !

Sending this was the best way to get laid in 2016

Yeah sex work is just like real work .. because I don’t get it 😂

He’s so real for this

My fellow Americans .. let’s go catch some waves

Badass fucking chicken wearing Jordan’s

Alright every the replies of this post will serve as our new gc while twitter is down 👇😆

Alright every the replies of this post will serve as our new gc while twitter is down 👇😆

Every nyc transplant

I’m being silenced

*gulps* that’s a big Personality

2h Marxism is a science . And so is smoking weed 💭 0 ♻️ 1 ❤️ 30 Are you sure you want to delete this tweet? Cancel Delete 👈 Fuck my life can this day just ducking end 😔 Delete Save draft 👈 Cancel 0s thank god homie’s mom ain’t swallow him 💀

Italian pontius pilate be like I wash my hands of this … meatball sauce that is ☠️

There’s a coyote outside my house and I just asked him if he smoked weed

Old books: Hark, Th’Almighty Jehovah hath Fucked mine Ass. New books: There once was a kickass feminist girl who lived in the apocalypse

Friend was telling me he knew covid was gonna happen and “googled it” back in December 2019 and was sure it was gonna change the world. It’s so sick when someone lies like that

Men evolved to fight over territory and ideas. Their complacent, well-off descendants learned not to fight, but to sit and drink soy milk. Anyways I’m going to go post racial slurs under a Pepe avatar photoshopped to look like Thomas Aquinas

People are always saying “Bird in the hand is worth two in the bush” im like please stop I’m getting horny

I’m taking Tylenol to fuel my late night gaming addiction

Does anyone else wish they were Joe in this image so fucking bad

I dedicate myself to #BlueSky army. I will shoot to kill