pumpkin-head This term for a fool or dolt or round-headed individual has been around since the mid-1700s. It's perfect for Trump, who is indeed a round-headed dolt/fool, in addition to being very orange. Very, very orange. Please stop wrecking the country, President Pumpkin-head.

gazook This wonderful word is defined by the OED as "A fool; a stupid or unpleasant person." Trump takes the hat trick: he's all three. This example of 1920s slang deserves a revival in the 2020s. I'll never understand how people could vote for a gazook.

dough-cake "Dough-cake" is a rarely used term that, in addition to its literal meaning, popped up in the late 1700s meaning a fool or idiot. The president is a dough-cake, and a stale one at that.

twonk "Twonk" is British slang for an idiot or fool. Like Trump, this term has been around since the 1980s. Trump is a twonk, as well as a twit and a twat.

jobbernowl This colorful term, dating from the late 1500s, is defined by the OED as "A stupid or foolish person; an idiot, a numbskull." Trump is all four. Therefore, he is a jobbernowl. I wish my skull were numb enough to forget that the president is a jibbering jobbernowl.

slapsauce The OED defines "slapsauce" as "One who is fond of good eating; a greedy or gluttonous person." Trump isn't known for fine dining, but "greedy" and "gluttonous" fit him like a greasy glove. I look forward to the day when our country isn't "led" by a slapsauce.

gold-thirsty This word for the greedy has been around since the 1500s. Few words are a better fit for the avaricious Trump. It feels like Trump has been around since the 1500s. Will we ever be free of this gold-thirsty kleptocrat?

snidge The OED defines "snidge," recorded since the 1500s, as “A greedy or miserly person.” The ultra-corrupt Trump is the epitome of greed. He is a snidge. This word has a nasty mouthfeel, which is fitting.

dastardling This is a rare word from 1800 for the dastardly sort. What kind of dastardling would invade Portland? Trump is obviously dastardly, as well as despicable, demented, and diabolical.

tallywhacker This term for a penis also applies to dicks who are assholes. Is there a bigger asshole than Trump? No, there is not. Therefore, he is a tallywhacker. Sadly, Trump is America's tallywhacker, much like Florida. I reckon America needs a good bobbitting.

pudding-head Since at least the mid-1800s, a pudding-head has been a dum-dum, a fool, a simpleton, a poop-butt. At the risk of offending pudding lovers, I reckon Trump is a serious pudding-head. Moreover, President Pudding-head is a felonious fuckhead.

pigwidgeon Originally a term for a little creature such as a fairy or elf, "pigwidgeon" came to mean "A small or insignificant person or thing; a stupid or contemptible person" in the 1600s, according to the OED. Trump is stupid and contemptible enough to more than qualify as a prime pigwidgeon.

wrongo The OED defines wrongo as "A bad, dishonest, or untrustworthy person; a ‘wrong 'un’." This term also refers to counterfeit coins and has been in use since the 30s. Few examples of carbon-based life are as consistently wrong, in every sense, as the felonious Trump, so he is a major wrongo.

dunghill People have been likened to dunghills since the mid-1500s. But has any person since that time been more of a dunghill than Trump? No, I reckon not. I’m so tired of the Dunghill-in-Chief.

mudworm In the 1800s, “mudworm” was a rare term for a contemptible person. Today there is one mudworm who is muddier and wormier than the rest: Trump. Will we ever be free of President Mudworm?

hooky-crooky This rare 1800s word is defined by the OED as “Not straightforward, perverse, dishonest.” Everything about Trump is hooky-crooky, and we are all the poorer for it. Trump’s hooky-crooky ways have left me in a higgledy-piggledy daze.

slobber-chops According to the OED, this term originally applied to a drooling animal or person, then more generally to “a stupid, contemptible, or ineffectual person.” You had me at “stupid.” Trump is a slobber-chops, dripping hate and ignorance all over our country. The dude needs a bib.

pediculous Originally, this adjective meant infested with lice in the 1500s, before coming to mean just plain lousy. Trump is a lousy leader, a lousy businessman, a lousy human being, a lousy primate, a lousy Earthling. Our ridiculous president is pediculous.

poop-butt The OED defines this one as “A contemptible or lazy person.” Trump is guilty on both counts, and therefore a poop-butt. Poooooopppp-buuuuuuuuuuttttt. Excuse me, that was disrespectful. I should watch my tone when talking about President Poop-Butt.

stupiditarian This word, dating from the mid-1800s, sounds like someone proud of their own stupidity. That fits Trump to a T. I hate living in stupiditarian times.

ninnyhammer According to the Oxford English Dictionary, a ninnyhammer (1592) is “A blockhead; a fool or braggart.” Besides all of the above, Trump is certainly a ninny, and he swings like a sack of hammers, bludgeoning norms, institutions, and rights. So he is a ninnyhammer.