I was going to get stuff done this morning but I cancelled it

Pro tip: if you’re tired of retail workers asking you for your phone number or to sign up for their store card, tell them you’ve been deemed legally incompetent by the courts and they won’t hit you with the “Are you suuuure? You could save 15%”

Sure but when I wear MY Jimmy Carter pajamas I get made fun of 😭

The four Mad Men episodes I can’t wait for Gen Z to watch

Normally I’m not big on patting myself on the back BUT last night I did clean out my garage so I could actually park my car in it before the weather showed up

This almost looks like lake effect snow, it’s so thicc

She said Santa must be tired of milk and cookies, let’s give him a real treat

Deer seizing the opportunity to avenge his family members lost on the highway

Firing this up thanks to a 7 day Twitter ban, because MAGA is so upset I shared a TikTok about ICE getting embarrassed in the Target parking lot that they sent me death threats, mass reported my account, and called my 70 yr old mom to harass her on Christmas Day

Who is handing these things out??

Apparently we aren’t even allowed to build single family homes in Mac Grove anymore

Why pick one candidate when we could have Mayor DeFatJazz

Congrats to Hannah and Jon on the purchase of their first house! These guys wanted to stop throwing their rent money away and start earning some sweat equity instead, so we found the perfect pre-1900 bungalow to make their own in St Paul. Enjoy your new home! ☀️🏡❤️

Wow that’s crazy. I guess it really is important to do your own research

A right-winger googled my job and casually threatened to out me for telling someone to shut the fuck up for harassing Nick Swardson to make Grandma’s Boy 2, they are no longer in control of the monster of their own creation

My favorite fever dream of a house is back on the market in Plymouth. 10,000 sq ft of stunningly incoherent styling that is eclipsed only by the mountain of cocaine required to conceptualize it. It’s a 6 bed, 5 bath, 10,277 sq ft masterpiece for a cool 2.9 million if anyone wants to start a cult

The real irony of the modern conservative movement is that through their hypocrisy and willingness to dismantle the constitution over petty grievances, I have actually become both more patriotic and closer to the literal teachings of Jesus Christ. Mission complete?

I’m not going to name any names, but I just want everyone to know I tried to get my work team to sponsor a lesbian lube wrestling competition and SOMEBODY said no

Minneapolis has a mayoral candidate whose website reads “As your mayor, I will get a permit and Minneapolis road crews will exhume Humphrey’s body from Lakewood Cemetery and I will shove his hat down his f*cking neck myself with my bare hands for every American citizen to see.”

Listen I love titties as much as the next person but you gotta take them down when you list the house. It’s an uphill battle to sell someone on it after they’ve called it a gooner cave

Missing the first day of the MN State Fair to open for Eric Trump at a crypto freak off is nasty work

The more research I do on insulation, the more I’m convinced we have to rethink public policy around efficiency in old homes. Unfortunately these reports aren’t as useful as they could be when buying a house, because simply appraising if insulation exists doesn’t tell us much.

The actual Roger Stone yelled at me on my own post and I yelled at him back. Happy Labor Day

This is an article from the Detroit Free Press on February 2, 1995 that featured me and the one-room school I attended up to 6th grade

Mirage garage

Every time you see an actual republican tweet the words “brazen cheating” today, don’t forget to thank Darwin for this now-deleted post he had to walk back after someone explained what the report actually said to him

I’m actually really upset about this. These uniforms should be WAY sluttier. We used to be a real country

Immaculate 1891 woodwork in St Paul

New homeowner fear unlocked: the city knocks on your door and tells you the neighbor across the street is selling and discovered a break in the sewer line where your line joins theirs in a weird breach before the city main, and now half the bill is your responsibility…

All I can say is if my boss described me in public like “it’s that brain, is those lips, the way they move,” I would shit on his windshield

If you’ve been following me for a while, you may have seen my posts about my ongoing family tree explorations. My great-grandpa Charlie Kauppi was a commercial fisherman on Lake Superior and started the first commercial ferry that brought visitors to Isle Royale:

Toured a tear-down in my neighborhood this morning. The seller was a hoarder who had a roof leak and never had anyone in to address it. He ended up living on the porch and losing his legs from exposure before anyone discovered the condition.

Minneapolis doesn’t want to be subjected to these anymore

Telling my kids this is Cake

This tortoise went on the lam in Columbia Heights which begs the question, who was watching him? A slower tortoise?

Roof brought to you by the DIY boomer who owned my house before me, the guy who was gassing his kids for years running the hood vent into the basement with dryer duct

Back on the market - buyer got cold feet! 1806 Van Buren Ave 3 🛏️ 3 🚽 2 🚗 1618 sqft with finished studio above garage! Very desirable Hamline-Midway neighborhood - walking distance to Green Line and Allianz Field ⚽️ $340,000

Congrats to Troy on his first home purchase! He wanted a place to feel at home, but wasn’t interested in a bunch of maintenance, so we found an excellent townhome with a reasonable HOA to take care of that shoveling when he’s out of town. Thanks Frosted Canvas for the great cake!

The average Minnesotan has a specific nightmare about correctly trusting the process and executing a zipper merge, but instead the other lane refuses to yield and car after car cranks by cucking them while everyone laughs at their pathetic beta blinker and then their car explodes

I have found the perfect light fixture for my bedroom suite and it’s only $7800

THOT SQUAD is going to be at the Acadia 8/18 and I promise this will be one of the most fun shows you’ll see all year! She has been selling out so get em while you can

I spent 15 minutes afraid to pee in this open house because my client had our own listing photos running as a slideshow and I thought it was a camera 🥴

Putting this on my tombstone

Charlie Kirk’s anus the 47th time he sees the booger hooks coming at him that day

My ex-husband is on disability for a back injury in a red state that already had no expanded Medicaid and if this admin causes him to have to move into my basement I will make J6 look like a baby shower

I think about the kid in high school who got caught jacking off with a Cabella’s catalog like, a weird amount honestly

Absolutely rancid vibes

I asked the contractor to take a look at the exposed joist at the top of this marble surround but for some reason he couldn’t even find it

How am I not supposed to be depresso after my espresso in these conditions?