Sid: What a misery you are, a right drag. Why don't you go for a walk? Tony: Too cold Sid: Wear the scarf I gave you Tony: I don't like it Sid: Go to the pub then Tony: It's too late Sid: Go to bed Tony: It's too early!

Sid's made the Christmas pud, who'll get the most tanners?

Sid: It's Christmas, the festive season. Eat, drink and be merry cos tomorrow we snuff it! Come on, liven yourself up a bit!

Tony: What an exhibition, sheer unadulterated piggery! What a way to abuse a cakehole! How you can sit there and stuff like that on #BoxingDay after what you shovelled yesterday and the day before is beyond my comprehension!

Tony:  What’s happened to the Christmas pudding? Miss Pugh:  I don’t know.  I put it in the pressure cooker, turned the gas up, and the last time I saw it, it was heading towards Brixton!

Anyone for charades?

Miss Pugh: Bring the turkey in Tony: What have you been doing? You said you could cook. Miss Pugh: It’s frizzled up that’s all. It wasn’t my fault. While I was cooking it, I had to keep taking it out of the oven. Tony:  Why? Miss Pugh: It’s feathers kept catching alight!

I listened to the Christmas Club episode on Christmas Eve. I love it. Turkey feet and chips!

must 'ave me radio at Christmas, I'll miss London calling the Commonwealth! Come in Canada! Greetings to our cousins in Australia! Are you there Zanzibar!  Come in Beachy Head Lighthouse! I can't miss all that. I sit there with a mouthful of pudding and me atlas in front of me!

Wishing you a very happy Christmas from everyone here in East Cheam! Thanks to our wonderful members, podcast listeners, & fans everywhere for celebrating the brilliant comic legacy of Hancock, his supporting cast & his writers, including the masters, Ray Galton and Alan Simpson

Miss Pugh: Surely we're going to have Christmas dinner? Tony: No! Turkey five bob a pound, pork two bob a trotter. Puddings, and with tanners in I may add. Mince pies, nuts, tangerines. Ruinous! We're not having any. Egg and chips, a mug of cocoa and straight to bed, that's me!

Dear Father Christmas, I hope your reindeer are well. And I hope Mrs Christmas is well. I want a plastic boomerang, a kangaroo that you wind up & it goes all round the room & then stops. A train set, hoola hoop, an apple & an orange. Yours sincerely Billy the Kerr age 412 months

Tony: Come off it, Sid! The short trousers aren't fooling anybody! I'd recognise those legs anywhere, great hairy things! What's the big idea? Sid (Carol singer): Just trying to find some coppers for Christmas! Tony: I'll find you a few with helmets on if you don't clear off!

Tony:  We are not having a tree.  Horrible messy things.  You only have to knock ‘em and you’ve got showers of green needles all over the place.  I’ve only got to come running down in me rope sandals one morning, I’ll have feet like pin cushions.  No thank you!

Tony: It's Saturday, a special day, can't you do something special for breakfast? Remembering the wonderful Patricia Hayes born #OTD 22 December 1909. She appeared in radio and TV episoses of Hancock's Half Hour playing a range of characters, most famously as Mrs Crevatte.

We're going to tell the vicar!

Tony: Kids don't sing Carols on spec these days. They wanna see the colour of your money before they start. They've got a price list round here. God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, half a dollar. We Three Kings of Orient Are, shilling a verse or five verses for 3/6d!

Tony: Today is a big day Sid, a big day, the annual share out of the Hand & Racquet slate club. This year, I'm making sure we have the necessary finance to make a Christmas fare befitting a gourmet of my capacity. Not having a repetition of last year, turkey feet and chips!

Bill: Where’s the Christmas tree? Tony:  We haven’t got one yet. Bill:  Well, what are you waiting for? Tony: A fog….and you’d better cut a hole in  the roof.  I’m going to whip that one from Trafalgar Square! #ChristmasAtAldershot

Tony: A silver threepenny bit! You've seen the inside of many a pudding, haven't you? I remember digging you out Christmas 1938 at Auntie Beatie's!

Tony: I thought we might be able to afford something better this year Bill: It's not my fault, it's that slate club I'm treasurer of. Someone went off with all the money last week, the money I kept in my own room Tony: Disgusting Bill: Twenty-five pounds Tony: Twenty-four!

Yep, Vicky Carr singing ‘Here’s That Rainy Day’ from the 4th episode! Verified by the @tonyhancock.bsky.social folks, too. Also we’ve found the last 2 mins of Alan Bennett’s ‘On the Margin’; Christopher Gable doing some ballet; and an advert for Hostess Swiss Rolls.

Andreè: You haven't done a day's work for twelve years Tony: Its not my fault. It's the trade I'm in, it's passing through a slack period Bill: Well, what is your trade? Tony: I'm an airship builder!

Sid: Why don't you sit down and relax? It's a day of rest. Have a kip or something, anything, but do me a favour and shut up! #SundayAfternoonAtHome

How can you have a sandwich without a lump of bread stuck on top? An open sandwich they called it! I said look dear, I dont know where you come from but we haven't 'ad bread rationing over here for years, whack another slice on! I wish she 'adn't now it cost me another ninepence!

We are thrilled to be going back to The Riverside Studios London on Saturday 31 Jan at 2pm for a Hancock triple bill with Q&A! We'll introduce The New Nose from 1959, The Bedsitter from 1961 and The Man on the Corner from the 1963 ATV series Hancock. Join us! Link in replies

Now then, a chair must be 8 feet away from the loudspeakers. 250 quids worth of equipment here, all set up, waiting to blast me out of my chair. Bom bom bomb bom! This is more like it.This is better than whodunits. 250 quids worth eh? All I need now is a record! #TheMissingPage

It's, #PantoDay, book in comfort, by post!

Tony:We'll go to bed in about 15 minutes, save the light Sid:But its only 7 o'clock! Tony:If you think I'm sitting up here all night with that blazing away, your mistaken. 40 watts that is. If we went to bed now we could save about fourpence I should think! #TheEconomyDrive

🛩️ #DarkNights of #winter got you down? Take to the skies with Tony Hancock as pilot Harry Popperwell in 1965’s Those Magnificent Men in Their Flying Machines. British #comedy aviation hijinks for @arascot.bsky.social's #ArchiveAdventCalendar. From @tonyhancock.bsky.social Collection. #filmarchives

Tony: You're in a bad mood aren't you Sid: I wanted to go and see... Tony: We know what you wanted to go and see. You can go and see it by yourself. I've no wish to see Nudist Paradise and Around the World With Nothing On Bill: I shouldn't think so, you've seen it three times!

🎺 Toot toot! We ❤️ this fun #ChristmasCard from the @tonyhancock.bsky.social. Collection. Top energy levels for the festive season for @arascot.bsky.social's #ArchiveAdventCalendar. @dmu.ac.uk #TVarchives #Christmas2025 @librarydmu.bsky.social

Tony: I had to get away, I was being stifled, I couldn't get anywhere with my art, no-one was interested Paul: Ah, your work was misunderstood? Tony: No, they didn't misunderstand it, they just came straight out. They said it was a load of rubbish! #TheRebel

Tony: Don't look like babysitters? Really, is that the remark of a scientific mind? Don't look like babyitters, indeed! And what, pray, do babysitters look like? Did Rembrandt look like a musician? Of course she didn't! #TheBabysitters

Fantastic afternoon at the Tabard Theatre to see Kevin McNally in The Missing Hancocks with Kevin Eldon, Susy Kane, Simon Greenall, and Robin Sebastian. Two great episodes of HHH performed superbly, let's hope for more!

"Up until last week, I thought Handel's Largo was a brand of light ale."

Tony: Hullo, what's this? "Free, free, free, free! Absolutely genuine offer, no obligations guaranteed bona fide. Tour of the local district leaving Cheam High Steet at 2.30." Bill: Who's running it? Tony: Oh, I thought so. Sid James Mystery Tours!

"My left ear has not been nibbled since the dog had a go at it!" In our latest Hancock podcast, Very Nearly An Armful, we review the brilliant HHH The Scandal Magazine. Why was Hancock under the table with Mabel at The Bag of Nuts?! On all the usual platforms now!

Kenneth: I'm from the press Tony: Are you the only one? Never mind, it will be your honour alone to hear my announcement, from your mighty printing presses will go my message, which you will spread to the four corners of the world! Kenneth: I'm from the East Cheam Advertiser!

Judge: I remind you that I'm the judge in this courtroom and as such I can replace you with someone more competent Sid:Tell him he can't talk to you like that Tony: My friend says you can't talk to me like that! Judge: I'm not the slightest interested in what your friend says!

Tony: And what is there to do? Go on, answer me that, what is there to do? Sid: You can take a walk round the boat Tony: I've had a walk round the boat. 300 times. I've walked round this way, that way. I've walked across it, up and down it, and dead boring it is too! #TheCruise

Not long now....

Tony (air steward) : I recommend the set menu, cooked in the English tradition. We start with brown Windsor soup, burnt enough to leave that attractive brown ring round the rim of the plate. Followed by a thin slice of roast beef, submerged in a delicious pool of congealed gravy!

Kenneth: It gets a bit boring sitting in there on a Sunday afternoon, there's nothing much to do , is there? And Rosita said, don't sit there by yourself Clark, go in and see Mr Hancock and have a chat with him. I know its always so lively in your house Tony: Oh yes, madly gay!

Mrs Crevatte: Have you been having models up here? Have there been naked women in my establishment? Tony: Of course not, I can't afford 30 bob an hour. I did that from memory. That is women as I see 'em. Mrs C: You poor man! Fancy knocking around with women like that! #TheRebel

Remembering Alan Simpson, born #OTD 27 November 1929, who with Ray Galton wrote some of the funniest and ground breaking comedy ever produced. Alan, with Ray at his side, typed every word, with no line committed to paper unless both agreed.

Tony: Good morrow, good curator Librarian (Hugh): Oh it's you. Seven reminders I've sent out to you Tony: My dear good fellow, one cannot rush one's favouring of the classics of world literature. Rome was not built in a day and it's decline and fall cannot be read in one!

Tony: Sid! Sid: What? Tony: There's a car behind us Sid:  So what? Tony: It's ringing a bell. I wonder what it's doing that for Sid: Probably selling crumpets Tony: I shouldn't think he'll sell many doing 80 miles an hour! #TheJewelRobbery

Kenneth: This story is completely original and we resent any suggestion that it is a dead knock off from the “Blackboard Jungle”. And so we proudly present, "The Blackboard Jungle!" In our latest Hancock podcast, we review the great HHH parody episode, The Blackboard Jungle!

Tony: Oh yes, they'll be going to see his sister in Acton. They always go that way. If they were going the other way, it'd be her mother in Tooting. Oh, they've gone. Oh well, that's about all the excitement we could expect today. #SundayAfternoonAtHome