If Biden fell asleep during a press conference, republicans would burn DC to the ground.

Link in bio.

Pasadena City Hall

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It makes me sad thinking about how hopeful we were last year.

I’ll be taking movie recommendations for the next couple hours.

Yes on 50

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Are you noticing all this blight, kids?

This came out in 2014. Why am I just now hearing about it, and why is it not available anywhere?

I used to fly in and out of PDX for work a lot. My first time flying out I realized they had a wine bar and a sushi bar right next to each other. I was like, “oh, so that’s why they tell you to get here two hours early”.

After what happened today, one can only assume that Pete Kegsbreath has a tiny, tiny penis.

Great. Now we have to boycott YouTube.

Happy national coffee day!

One of our cats fell asleep in my lap and snored and it was the cutest fucking thing ever.

The new Alexa plus sucks way more than I had anticipated.

“Tylenol bad. Guns good.” -MAGA

A quick pan sauce and charred Brussels with lemon, anchovies, and capers to go with that chicken.

I don’t have much to offer in return, but if you wanted to slip me a 50k bribe, I wouldn’t turn it down.

Sometimes you just need some chicken and potatoes.

If by “rapture” they meant “afternoon coffee”, then I’m all in.

92° here. It should be illegal.

Can we please switch to another timeline where every day isn’t the stupidest day?

To err is Homan, to investigate is divine.

He probably hates Tylenol because Melania always has a headache.

Finally getting around to staining this table I’ve been putting off for two years.

You probably didn’t know you needed to see RoboCop make coffee, so here you go. m.youtube.com/watch?v=K9kK...

I can’t wait for winter so I can swap our inflated electricity bill for an inflated gas bill.

We don’t need project 2028. We need project now.

“This is how the world ends, not with a bang but with a whimper.” - T.S. Eliot.

Kash Patel? More like Kash No-Tell, amirite?

What I say in the privacy of my home is much much worse than anything anyone has said on tv.

This will always be my favorite Robert Redford performance.

We took a drive through Altadena today for the first time since the fires. There’s nothing funny about it. There’s some rebuilding happening, but it’s still mostly devastation. Why would anyone want to make a sitcom about it? ktla.com/news/local-n...

I didn’t leave twitter. Twitter left me.

The lengths they’ll go to distract is astounding.

There was a school shooting in Colorado today, if anyone cares. Not much about it from MSM.

This meeting could have been a whiskey tasting.

Why do we even have a constitution?

Pancakes are just boneless waffles.

I could barely make it through the trailer without crying. m.youtube.com/watch?v=hatk...

You wouldn’t let a dementia patient use the stove, so why would you let him run the country?

🎶 Mammas don’t let your babies grow up to be racist pieces of shit ICE agents 🎶