Yeah, looking at other people's art makes me flat out know I'm already dead. You don't "Get Good" at 41. You're supposed to be good at 14. Look at everyone's ages and be not surprised in the slightest that they're all in their 20's. Tick, tock. Time matters.

If my art skills don't propel much further, I literally have no way to eat, place to live, and I have to die. No pressure, lmao.

I'm going to devote a lot of time this December to improvement so my drawings aren't so shitty. And I may be able to start the new year with an active Patreon or a Kofi or Commissions or whatever.

Magical Girl Pretty Samy Part 1 // AIC Spirits // PC-98

Obsessed about this dumb game. Even the SNES version, which was an aneurysm inducing nightmare. It swings for the fences in such mighty swings and it awes even in its fouls and strikes. So fucking cool. Another "Why is no one blatantly copying this kind of thing?" game.

Actually, I have a large layout for a personal game I'd like to make. Probably a visual novel, as every porn artist does. Problem is, my art is shit so I can't make it, lmao. I really want to have a kind of concept posted by the end of the year. Just so people have a thing they can kinda... See.

Sketch drawing thing of Amethyst with a big ass and huge boobs and fat thighs and uncharacteristically well kempt hair. She still got that kind Stressed Out Mother In Her 30's hairstyle tho.

Do you ever see posts about the loneliness epidemic, and you think, "Man, I don't have a single friend and it'd be cool to just have huevos rancheros and joke around again." Then you remember people /literally/ politically identify as "Total Fucking Asshole" and think, "... Nah, I'm good, homie."

Wapaloosie!

I take medication for that, Pippa.

I'm always most suicidal when I wake up in the morning, because I am severely unhappy to still be alive.

I hate being 41 and still being unable to actually illustrate my stories. A whole life wasted. Everyone who says "You can do anything at any age," is clearly good enough to do it at their current age or too young to understand that Aging Kills You. Time runs out, man. I just want to do something.

Youtube video sensationalizing Linkara's shit webcomic "Lightbringer" as "The Worst Comic Of All Time". I'd rather be buried to death under a mountain of Lightbringer comics than whatever the fuck Sinfest has become.

Every time I post about wanting to kill myself because my art is bad, other artists like those posts. That's why I don't like them lmao

I don't like seeing artists on my feed, because all it does is make want to kill myself. It's like being terminal and following healthy people.

It's literally impossible to enjoy making art. Nothing is good, you're getting older and more dead, and you immediately have to move onto the next drawing to improve to close the gap. Art is for the young.

Firmly back into the suicide phase. It really grinds you down how every artist is successful, skilled, half your age, and somehow also has Imposter Syndrome so they can say that, really, they're just trash like you are minus having everything a person could want. Which is fine. Shotguns are cheap.

I'll probably delete that Spinel tomorrow morning. What a piece of shit. I am still extremely angry that two of my cats are dead.

BluSky is measurably better than Twitter, but that brain rot potential is still there.

This bitch.

Fandoms around challenging games are so fucking braindead. That someone can lose/fail in them, they're suddenly elevated to being meticulously calculated, fourth dimensional experiences where criticism is handwaved due to expectations of challenge. It's very tiresome.

Whenever I have to sit down and actually work on drawing dudes, I just listen to this on a constant loop.

Cloth. Hollow Knight.

Criticism is an actual art itself and is valid in its right as self expression, but it shouldn't affect what you create. Criticism is how you grow and learn. However, at the end of the day, you're the one spending your life making art. Your audience only spends a sliver of that time engaging it.

I used to have such a crush on Teryx when I was a kid. Dinosaucers was such a fucking bad show. lmao, but whatever. I'm posting her so when I draw her you're not ass surprised.

Sketch/Drawing: Salubra - Hollow Knight She's so charming.

Bretta - Hollow Knight

This is literally one of my favorite channels on Youtube and one of the two lore channels I trust. The other lore channel is ESOTERICA. So... Take that as you will. Sinclair and Sophie make me laugh, which is all I give a shit about, really.

I really enjoyed my time with Pokemon ZA, but the constant urge to yank an adversarial, antagonistic force, group, or characters out of these games leaves the plots barren all the way up until their final acts Although the characters I did love, I /really/ loved and there are several funny moments.

Things on my desktop. "Sketches" of things. I send them to someone I know to double check if the art is good. They think the shit always sucks shit, but I only got the one person.

I'm going to just focus on improving my art, as usual. Since it's so fucking bad.

Another year closer to death, everything I love is dead, I lived in trash, and all my art competition is one third my age and ten times better. I should kill myself. I should really, really, really kill myself this year. Lamayo.

What killed my cats, ultimately, was the hoarder I live with. My living room is a literal wall to wall pile of garbage. I take pills to keep me from doing irrational things, but I have been thinking of setting the house on fire for hours. That's where I'm at. Very angry. Canceling comms. No art.

The stray cat is definitely dead, but another cat of mine just died too. Tried to get it taken to the vet. Since I have no fucking money. Couldn't get it done. Yeah. A lot of shit just happens always all the time every time and no one helps and then you die after everything you love dies. Lmao.

I really don't get the obsession with needing voice acting in games. I grew up without it. I'm fine with dialogue boxes. No bone in my body sees it as a basic requirement. Don't know what to tell you.

I may squeeze a commission into the mix before my birthday so I can get some huevos rancheros and a tamale. I have no friends, lmao. But someone said something pretty heinous about my drawings and all I want to do is improve. It was troll shit, but people are shitty about them sometimes.

Halloween art that never was. Pennywise Spinel, Sugilite, and something for the gaming stream. I was too busy drawing. I didn't have time to game. Let alone even get out of my fucking chair.

Cat still gone. I was listening to "Easy Lover" driving thinking about whose house I might have to set on fire. A neighbor was complaining about it digging up his wife's garden. Now it's gone. I am very angry about this cat. Very angry.

My stray cat was the only thing, ever, that was happy to see me. And she's probably dead, so... Not looking good at 41, lmao. Family's shit, live in garbage, no friends anymore, my health sucks, and kitty is gone too. WELP. Anyway. Back to drawing. I suck shit at that, but it's /something/.

It's fine to not like poison swamps and sewers in games. You can't convince me they're good with semantics. They're made to be shit. Every poison swamp and sewer level is literal shit. Not liking them is a built in core mechanic. Feel free to not fucking like having an awful time.

Still no cat. I'm at the point of reminding the neighbors that their houses are flammable. Someone did something. Art returns this week. However, I am also getting very, very angry. Do they let you post art from prison? I have questions.

You can't fight crime if you ain't cute.

Hoping this cat shows back up, so I don't have to continue to entertain the idea of having to set someone's house on fire if they're responsible for its disappearance.

Give me a few days for new art. My knee is fucked up. Yeah, it was my neck, now it's my knee. Makes sleeping difficult, sitting for extended periods hard. Etc. Make sure to exercise regularly, lmao.

My stray cat's been gone for more than a week. Welp.

Thanks for liking (or fucking hating, lmao) the art. Halloween is done for this year. I'll prepare better next year.

Happy Halloween 🎃

A commission where I was paid to draw Pumpkin-Dot. Also something else happening in the background. (Pearl/Bismuth, spooky monster edition.) (The censoring is because Deviantart's dipshit rules.)

Clerk at the Kroger's treated me like a criminal trying to gank 50 cent tomato sauce in the self check out, and now all I can think about is how I should have beat him to death with the can. Being broke is amazing. You not only look like shit, but you ALSO get treated like shit everywhere you go.