unfortunate news for all of y'all I'm turning into a hopeless romantic again and there is nothing anyone can do to stop me like i genuinely spent what felt like an hour today with my girlfriend with me going on about how love feels and how special it is and all the fuzzies and everything

idk if I've spoken about this much, at least not on bsky after our Covid infection in 2023, it was noticed by my carers, family, friends and partner that we were struggling cognitively, more and more as months went by, and it scared the crap out of us. especially when we used to have a sharp mind

i love my best friend she's going through some intense stuff right now im just glad I have her and that we've been able to get so close despite how far away we are from each other but right now i have never been this scared for someone i love

so if you are worried this is about you, and im still talking with you occasionally, its not you. also weekly reminder y'all go to fucking therapy oh my god trust me itll all be worth it once you get a stable therapist you can see long term and support you through life's difficulties

and before people go worrying this is about them because let's be honest pretty much everyone around me is struggling with something of some kind, and im ok with having those people in my life the difference is willingness to improve and grow

bitches be having unmanaged mental illness and they are absolutely making it other people's problem

bleh when doing the testing the other day, there was a slip up that lead to one of my wounds being improperly dressed for a few hours did another dressing change today

bleh not doing well fucking meds turns out are important just till tomorrow night and I should be stablised again properly randomly started crying for 30s and then stopped sudden jabs of panic and fear

putting in here because idk its not gonna make sense to people who dont read my stuff in here or on my twt or speak with me occasionally the air ambulance has been confirmed for Monday, im going to be airlifted to a hospital about 300km from here

yall. follow my GF @flarebeams.bsky.social

she survived therapy and now needs an infinite amount of eepy

i wish i didnt have to fight for the most basic of things

this is my current mental state i hate meds if they are causing this

this is scaring me

something is feeling very wrong with my mental state

before and after my gf went after him lol

ew chaser replyguy in my mentions

got to go outside for a bit today was trying some power wheelchairs with my OT and the one we chose should allow us to go outside much more often and for a bit of scenery change without exhausting myself very excited for the programs paperwork and whatnot to be completed so we can get it soonish

might need to ask for crowdfunding help again the OT from the hospital has been trying to arrange a hospital bed to be put in my room to make it easier for my carers to help me but the only one that fits has a $500 gap I would need to try and cover myself

have been thinking about the mess of my sexuality a lot especially now im in an ace relationship and happy i think all the things i used to enjoy and crave around sex are exactly that, around sex, tangential not really necessary to do the less enjoyable bit just for the other bits

was cuddling in bed watching tv show with gf and oh my god i was so eepy she was able to take a selfie of us without me noticing it was happening and i wasnt even asleep

ok, i dont want them to know if they do show up and front especially as things get worse and distress may bring them out more i dont want them to know. the focus should just be on keeping them comfortable and tell them things will be ok and trying to keep them calm

i only just realised talking about my headmates and how briefly they have been showing up while struggling with the pain its most likely that none of them know we are dying blissfully unaware i guess I've been all alone to process it all and come even slightly close to finding acceptance

came across old posts from other headmates and damn i kind of forgot what they were like and how different they were it's been so long i barely ever think about it anymore because recently its pretty much just me and very rare very short frontings from others

didn't think it would happen again given everything in my current situation and difficulties i have had in the past but uhh yeah im in a relationship again and have a girlfriend? there had been so few people i ever really gelled with other than my two long term relationships in the past

carer was here today but all I could feel was dread as i realised how badly i have declined not even an hour and ive lost the ability to speak or even move myself this is the weakest i have been

starting to post here even without privs mostly because im pretty afraid of losing connections with everything going on rn