Just got an email from a Kush Patel, fkn jump scare yo

Gus is my parents’ cat. He is my cat brother.

There’s maybe parallels to be drawn between my childless-at-49 status and the fact I can tell you a story about smoking weed from 10 minutes ago

Look I already am conflicted somewhat when I enjoy the NFL. Yet nothing is worse than when it’s bad call after bad call from the refs. Makes me feel very dumb for giving a shit.

Kirk Herbstraight of Gibraltar

Event Horizon 2: Toyotathon

You can’t even wake up looking for the broccoli anymore, because of woke. I should not have to apologize! I am awake! I am looking for da broccoli! See me

My masters thesis on how every hero does wear a cape, actually

Day 4,588 of waking up lookin for da broccoli

Christ the Recycler

Discarding every bible tract in the men’s room, in a single bound, is my superpower

Like ten skeets or more, and the next one is free!

This little space heater got drunk and got in a fight. He’s sorry about the whole thing.

Thickening my blood AND upgrading my heart’s horsepower 💪😤

There have only been 100 British actors; past and present

Back in the presence of Twiggy the in-law cat

Kirk Herbstraight of Gibraltar

If democrats somehow regain power i am gonna ask for sanctions on Buc-ees nugget snacks for being too gd good

TIL that Ole Miss stands for “Ye Olden Mississippi Football Team”

I have to get further out of my comfort zone in 2026. Must.

In laws seem to own 5 and 10 packs of every single thing. Yet not one single drink koozie?

Need a tech overlord to market a brain chip to give me a “high football IQ”

Dude looks like one of the Angry Birds pigs after a few whacks

Watching IU/Bama and I just saw a recruitment ad for the Secret Service. The uhhh S.S.

This little space heater got drunk and got in a fight. He’s sorry about the whole thing.

Movie where a guy gets loose in Paris with a huge pressure washer

We came to east tn again for some bonus family time. My mother in law has already asked several questions that we have answered 100 times before

Better check yo shelf Before you Rev-A-Shelf®️

Boarding the flu express to Atlanta

Good morning and happy new year from Shelter 20. Just waitin on a bus.

Watching Emily in Paris with the wife. I am a silent giver.

Leeks, ramps, and like turnips and shit

Better check yo shelf Before you Rev-A-Shelf®️

Movie where a guy gets loose in Paris with a huge pressure washer

Zebra Cakes boyfriend Zebra Rolls girlfriend

Getting olfactory w da boys

“Deader than…Snoop Dogg” that’s a thing

A Puffco pivot heating chamber has died

2025 is going to be my year.

New trend called Christmas Phoning where you bury your phone under a ton of concrete for all of the holidays

Feel better soon @marisakabas.bsky.social !

Cypress Hill “Lick A Shot”

Helicopter is short for “Hell no I won’t copter!”

Snow is blowing horizontally

Windianapolis, Windiana 🌬️

Lowe’s Knows: What You Did Last Summer

They are eating bowls of pop-tarts??

Dipping my soy nuggies in wokesauce

Wok n roll all nite Umami everyday