Children are the "Beautiful Enslavement". Once your first is born, nothing else matters. Your most deepest, primal animal instincts take over and suddenly, your sole purpose on this Earth is to give them everything you never had.🥲💚👍

Bringing a dog named Shark to the beach was a bad mistake.

Soy milk is just regular milk introducing itself in Spanish.

A debut album is like a fart. It doesn't last long after you cut it.

Tradition is just peer pressure from the dead.

I don't know about anyone else, but I really need to teach my facial expressions how to use their inside voice.

The definition of stalking: When two people go out for a romantic walk together....but only one of them knows it.

After getting a physical at a doctor's office, a man was told by his doctor "You're in good shape, but you need to stop masterbating". The man said "Why? Is it unhealthy?" The doctor said "No, but you're scaring everyone in the waiting room".

Murals can be quite beautiful. They're very large and in some cases quite detailed. They not only display the skill, but also the passion of the artist. But ultimately....they simply tell you that you are in a bad neighborhood.

There are only 29,220 days in 80 years. In retrospect, that's not much time. Do what you can with them.

Statistically: 50% of those who tried dating apps said that they had a positive experience.... The other half are still missing...

The worst thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies.

Am I getting older? Or are grocery stores playing cooler music nowadays.

A foolish man complains about a hole in his pocket, but a wise man uses it to scratch his b*lls.

A wize man once said "Sex is like pizza. Even when it's lousy, it's still pretty good".🤔

Ah! The day before Thanksgiving! My 11th Anniversary without a cigarette!🥳🥳🥳

A question for the ages... Is "asscheecks" one word? Or should they be seperated.🤔

Many people think it would be really cool if Pegasuses existed in real life. But when you think of what a pigeon does to a windshield, what do you think a horse would do?

I remember when the most most painful thing about being alone on Valentines Day is that it feels like the whole world is having a party but you're not invited. Just remember, Valentines is 1 out of 365 of a year of not felling so isolated. After that, it's smooth sailing.👍

When you think about it, the elf on the shelf is just a "snitch action figure".

It's only a matter of time before the leash of YT tightens around the necks of social media influencers until the rules of posting content will be identical to the rules of posting an episode of Sesame Street. All the while, non-premiun subscribers will recieve 80% ads and 20% content.

Fun fact: The tip of 7 out of 8 tentacles of an octopus are actually meant for grasping. The tip of the eight tentacle is literally "THEIR JUNK". Just imagine holding hands with an opposite-gendered person and "WHAMMO". You're carrying offspring. No wonder they've been around as long as dinosaurs

I accidentally used my dog's shampoo. Now I feel like such a good boy.

A stranger who freshly enters your life is simply a friend or enemy that you haven't met yet. Only time will tell if they bless or burden you. But at least, hear them out.

Speaking as someone who's lived roughly 1/3 of a century on this Earth. I can tell you this. At some point in life, someone's going to see how reputably kind & moral you are and see you as someone who will make them more popular if they villainize you. I'm kinda going through this right now.

🦃HAPPY THANKSGIVING 🦃 To those who celebrate!😊

Sadly enough....News of all the good things you've done for others will eventually age and become yesterdays news, and no one will care. Happily enough....News of anything immoral or scandalous you've done will also age and become yesterdays news, and again, no one will care. It kinda balances out.

Although VAs are my favorite of "single Vs" I absolutely adore Triple Vs (VA, Vtuber, Vocalist). I love double Vs (VA + Vtuber, or VA + Vocalists), but "Triple Vs (VA + Vtuber + Vocalists) absolutely win my heart!🥰

I just joined this platform about a week ago. If you're here and I'm subbed to you on YT, be patient. I'll find you.😊💚👍