Everytime I log onto Bluesky:

Yay I got a pay raise! 🥹

Me when a guy plays me so I just stop talking to all men until I am dumb enough to fall for another man that will play me as well

At first, I didn’t even want him or anyone else here… now I’m gonna feel weird coming home to nobody again.

Soooooooo does anyone wanna uproot their lives and move to Charleston? 😭

Damn. Twink roomie is moving out Sunday. 🥺 Personal/family reasons beyond my control because I wish he didn’t have to move out because fuck I have to start my roommate search all over again 😭

The lonely slut in your area isn’t me, btw Although I kinda wish it was 😩

Still iconic!!

King Mickey royally decrees, “Raw is law.”

Life lesson: Don’t run from your demons. Cum in them instead. 😌

⚠️ Warning!! Gonna double the amount this year!

This year I want some of y’all to book a damn plane ticket or take a road trip to come visit me 🥺 I wanna meet moots!

Mike’s hard, but I am harder. 😈 #FCF

When you think about it, gooning is really just funny orgasms

If you told me in 2009 that I’d be sucking cock in 2026 I wouldn’t have believed you but I also would’ve started practicing with a shampoo bottle in the bathroom at 2am while my mom slept

Picture of the staff who operate my account

My New Year’s resolution is 69x420 😎

I’m plotting…..

Ugh, day 9 of working every damn day 🥴

Only been 12 hours and none of my 2026 manifestations came true? Fuck that. 2027 will be my year. 🙃

Fuck it, first shirtless mirror selfie of 2026 -me after 3 bong rips & 2 Mike’s Hard

“Happy New Years 2026, world!” The world, currently:

I got all of the holiday decor and the tree down & packed away in 1hr 30min 😎

Why is it whenever I buy a product, I then see a different but even better version of that product? Fucking wasting my money, but yes I bought another chest & arm weight trainer thing that should be better than the one I just got 😂

December 31st / January 1st

As a homosexual, I would NEVER step foot in Saudi Arabia but like.. that Six Flag’s Falcon’s Fury coaster they just built there looks so fun 😭😭😭

“I wanna find the Shane to my Ilya” Oh so you wanna string someone along for 8 years for just sex and then decide you want him only after you get jealous he’s dating some actress? Yeah sure good luck with that

Happy last day of 2025!

Yay the lil Psyduck bong I got myself for Christmas finally came in the mail!! 🥰✨

Soooo who was gonna tell me that the Taco Bell Quesarito is finally back on the menu???

Someone should make a new word for when you’re depressed & horny at the same time

Me, thinking about the daddy milkers that I’m gonna achieve by the end of 2026:

Yes I’m crashing out again, but in a very self aware aesthetically pleasing way ✨

*stares at you* “Do you think he’s gay?”

Fuck. Twink is dealing with health issues and might have to move out. Meaning I will have to start the roommate search all over again 😭😭😭😭😭😭

“New year, new me!” Don’t lie. You’re gonna be a cumslut this year just like you are every other year.

Last #MonochromeMonday cock of 2025 😘

Me, following a hot guy that I briefly made eye contact with on the highway:

Saw an ad on tiktok a while ago for an arm/chest trainer that if I do 20reps of each workout every day, I’ll eventually get beefy bara man melons.. It came in the mail today & this thing is tougher than I thought 😩 Either I’m getting ripped off or I’m just that weak & this is gonna take a long time

Oh I’m devastated right now. #NewJeans 😭

BC and AD now stand for “Before Cottage” & “After Dad finds us kissing at the cottage”

RIP Brigitte Bardot. You were iconic.. Until you turned into a raging bigot. So nvm, bye gurl-

Bitch I’m fucking exhausted but I’m about to clock in about 115+ hours this pay period (Dec 16th-31st) 🤑😂

A thread of my favorite music projects released by the pop girlies in 2025 (1/6):

Got pulled over this morning on my way to work and thank god the cop was black and not some racist white prick 😩

Post a random picture or else everything will go bad in 2026

After this weekend, I better get a promotion and raise. 🙄 Once again my corporate undervalues my work effort.

Yuna Hollander definitely graduated from the Kris Jenner School of Business Moms

All of my favorite shows aren’t coming back until at least 2027 & that makes me mad