the spiders in my house have filed a class action lawsuit against me??? for systemic sexual harassment in my studio apartment????

sometimes i think my friends don't love their dogs enough and i start planning a cask of amontillado type situation to take their dogs

all my friends and family on the east coast get to experience a crazy weather event but i'm stuck with pleasant, moderate temperatures all week :(((

save me, michelle obama

idk i just feel like if a 6'7" man crushed me with his body it would solve A LOT of my problems right now

ruined the gay hang because my tv can only stream byutv :(

gays guy be like, "sex in a bed with clean sheets? no, no, no i much prefer a port-a-potty next to an abandoned kmart"

being gay is being a prisoner to your own mind

girl i'm bored let's plan a master heist and disappear into anonymity

catbert is a NAZI. heathcliff is ANTIFA. garfield is GAY.

tinder guy asked me what my job was and i said, "boy detective" and he immediately unmatched with me

i am absolutely begging the universe to demonstrate that the arc of history bends towards justice rn

sooo i found this weird talking plant and it got a little buzz on the radio and news and now the rose bowl parade wants us to do the flowers for every float and liiiike we are a little shop in the lower east side but whatever we'll try our best 🤷

other gays: my resolutions are to get in better shape, spend more time with my friends, and lower my screentime me: my resolution is to steal the five crystals maintaining our reality's balance so that i can rewrite the universe in my image and create a world devoid of darkness

this year i resolve to live, to laugh, and, most importantly, to love

my dad was a piece of shit to us this holiday so i am stealing one of his favorite dachshund figurines

me (32) currently sobbing into the same pillow i did at 13 and realizing time is a flat, cruel circle

oomf is so hot and i need him carnally

someone needs to arrest the owners of this aquarium and put down these penguins for disrespecting the great gulf of america and our one true lord, donald trump

watching cable tv for the first time in awhile (thank you mom and dad), and i just saw a kalshi commercial where they equivocate gambling with being a spartan warrior. just one of those things that makes you embarrassed to be a man and also alive

as a gay guy with a hotel room to himself i am getting up to trouble 😈

daniel craig and josh o'connor were centimeters from making out in knives out and it DISGUSTS me (that it didn't happen)

did i take my antidepressant this morning? well it's christmas, so an extra one today is probably necessary

😤 SHE IS TESTING ME RIGHT NOW

i want to play the new legends z-a dlc, but i've already started another game and i am forced by the rules my brain makes me abide to 100% every game before i move on to the next one 😔

gay son /// thot daughter

i think my game is broken? look at this weird fennekin i caught

i love my queer son even if he's a bottom 🥹

i am once again giving away my extra shinies on legends za. i currently have fletchling, flabebe, and a haunter (will evolve into gengar) for anyone who wants one 🥰

anyone have a shiny cleffa, skrelp, or larvitar they want to give me because i am a really good boy?

okay which gay boy wants a shiny bellsprout or a shiny fletchling?

does any oomf with legends za want a shiny bellsprout or onyx?

is bluesky aware of the blastoise trend on twitter and the discourse it has spawned

cops love to violate civil rights, even in kalos :/

after a visit from some detectives earlier, i want to clarify i have no intention of ever harming any political figure here, or in any state, including the great commonwealth of virginia

this is how i felt in 4th grade when my brother got hit by a car on halloween and my parents couldn't take me trick-or-treating

stubbed my toe really bad

chat, how cooked are california republicans?

not my depression improving and my sleep schedule getting consistent and my overall sense of self gradually improving as i continue to work on myself day by day in incremental steps 😩

HUGE day for people with borderline personality disorder

dick cheney was a war criminal and i'm glad his crusty ass is dead and burning in hell. he should thank satan for the existence of donald trump, otherwise he and his lil' butt boy bush would be the worst administration in american history. rest in piss, murderer.

how many handfuls of room temperature sprite are y'all giving to trick-or-treaters this year? i usually do three but my budget is tight...

oh he's blowing his flute again

inside you there are two cats. they're both mad.

intentional rage bait campaign called "whites for zohran" where a bunch of white people start a trend of them posting photos of them eating rice with their hands

don't mind me, just yearning for a world that never was 😔

🤔

"how's it going today?" me: