wow thats a lot of anxiety for someone with barely any real reason to be anxious

hey. hey brain can i at least have enough energy to feel joy please

a concerning number of people seem to think no one under the age of 18 should even know about sex. god forbid a teenager ever see the word dick written out. they better think babies come from holding hands until they turn 18. sex ed? discussions about safe sex? NOPE thats inappropriate of course!!

brain pls shut up why do you do this to me

ive been stuck only doing the bare minimum for so long and i hate it everything is exhausting. im barely doing enough to pass as "funcional" and even that drains all my energy i feel like no matter what i try i can never catch up and theres never enough time for anything

mmmm the self indulgent fantasy of getting hit by a bus and going into a coma for a few weeks or months… they should invent a way to turn off consciousness. i need to not be aware anymore this sucks

sometimes u just gotta sit around for a couple hours contemplating how each of your close friends / family members would react to your death

yay i reached 100 posts on the depression alt account \o/ im not sure if thats a good thing

How To: react to other people sharing headcanons / preferences that differ from yours: ignore "thats not really my thing" "im not comfy with that" How To Not Do This: "gross."

mental health is weird i still second guess myself so much. am i Actually depressed?? am i being dramatic? i feel sad and i dont do things. but couldnt i just Not be sad?? couldnt i just Do the things if i really wanted to? is it all just in my head?? (yes. it is. thats how mental illness works)

cant find accurate pics to describe the mood so im making my own

oh boy once i crawl out of this hole i gotta catch up on so many things

distantly aware of all the art and posts happening but i have to not look at them too closely because i know i dont have it in me to be exited about any of it rn and i want to save looking at it for the first time for later once the brain chills tf out

what if i put my head in the oven at max heat after i shower so my hair wont be wet for so long

why am i also sick now wtf this is homophobic

i wish i could just sleep for another 10 hours and rot and be one with the blanket pile but No i need to Do Stuff and Be Awake and Take Care Of Responsibilities

literally why would i choose to read a hurt/comfort fic i dont know already in these conditions it was good but basically just whump and heartbreak and one paragraph of comfort at the end

i just realised lay your wager has a podfic ive read this like 6 times already whenever i feel like shit and now i can Listen to it too thank you podfic people you have my eternal gratitude

having the strange urge to disappear and hide again maybe time to hibernate and touch some grass

couldnt wait to get home and draw today but nope all motivation is gone now rude

hmmmm i think the reason i stop interacting with other peoples posts and only yap by myself whenever i feel like shit is that i cannot possibly be annoying others if They were the ones who interacted with Me first instead of the other way around

gotta love the imposter syndrome kicking in at random for no reason

hoping really hard that today is just a bad day and its not the depression getting stronger or the hyperfixation fading

not sure if this is the place to yap about this but

anyone else completely shut down when your privacy isnt respected even if its "not that big a deal" technically and start feeling unsafe and constantly watched in your own space

i fear i yap too much

could the two demons on my shoulders at least come to an agreement?? DAMN wanna make me feel bad for being annoying and talking too much? alr thats fine wanna make me feel guilty for forgetting to respond to stuff and not always reading everything people post? okay sure BUT NOT BOTH AT THE SAME TIME

ok this is it im finally starting the long difficult hardship of getting up pray for me

this sucks im too feely weird to appreciate hualian stuff i cant let myself interact with it until tomorrow :) only post-shower has-actually-slept me can have hualian

i love how my body and brain sometimes just decide im not capable of getting up for absolutely no reason at all thats so fun

fuck it im activating the alt now i cant feel guilty about being annoying bc if you are here its ur own fault not mine