Much like how a liver will regrow if you stop drinking, a part of me I thought I had killed has been brought back to life by feeding him enough gin and lemon.

I wish I loved anything as much as my teammates in rocket league love bumping me out of the way of making a goal shot so they can absolutely whiff it instead.

Wow that new Markiplier movie is pretty good! Someone should make a video game adaptation.

Taking discounted story comms, for any interested takers. DM if you're interested! Example attached.

Taking discounted story comms, for any interested takers. DM if you're interested! Example attached.

The world's largest non-water slide was assisted in creation by Anish Kapoor? This is fucking bullshit.

Cocktail review: Bijou Equal parts gin, sweet vermouth, and green chartreuse. 3 outta 5 stars. It's an interesting drink, but it very clearly shows its pre-prohibition roots with its overt sweetness. Interested in a modern rework.

The Prof hate is so forced

Knocked down to part time from my full time gig. Not quite heartbroken, but definitely distraught. Ah well, I'm good at landing on my feet. But still. Fuck.

It's so goddamn simple, but a Left Hand is so fucking good. Just a Boulevardier with a shake or two of chocolate bitters. So fucking good.

Oh shit Peeby is super ugly lmao

Lack of appetite, lethargy, disinterested in toys. I'm experiencing symptoms someone would take a dog to the vet for. Embarrassing.

This shirt goes insanely hard.

This is gonna be super petty and I'm not gonna name names for obvious reasons, but it fills me with earnest glee that the guy who told me "you'll never be famous! Lmao" on Twitter about ten years ago is so, so fucking ugly hahahahahaha

Zicam fuckin works idc what anyone says. I felt a cold coming on, started taking the tablets as directed, felt like dogwater going to bed, woke up feeling back to like 90%.

important message to all bluesky users

I started buying large tee shirts cuz I was getting bigger and then I lost a lot of weight and now they are too big on me -.-

I actually cannot believe how good Heated Rivalry was.

Heated Rivalry is SO FUCKING HOT.

I forgot that this weekend our Playlist started playing Goodbye Horses and my coworkers looked at me real weird when I started laughing.

Who I was as a child may no longer be who I am now, but every now and then I am able to lift him onto my shoulders so he can see how far the man he grew up to be has gotten.

If The Flash is so fast, why can't he circumnavigate the globe to fuck himself in the butt?

2026 Resolution is to write a book. Stipulations are that I have to break 50k words with the same group of characters through the whole thing. No collections, no tie-ins. Just one story. It's time.

*Hopes and Dreams intensifies*

Post an animated film you’ve loved since childhood

xxx_ThEy SaY yOu NeEd To PrAy If YoU wAnT To Go To HeAvEn, BuT tHeY DoN'T tElL YoU WhAt To SaY WhEn YoUr WhOlE LiFe HaS GoNe To HeLl_xxx

I'm like 3 steps removed from forming a pop punk revival band and and I'm not afraid to use it

I live my life by the three Ps. Pop-Punk. Piss Pbeer.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Saying "I peed my pants," when uou really mean you you WET your DIAPER is big kid stolen valor. You didn't "pee" anything. You wet your diaper like a lil baby. Don't ever come at me with that shit. Babies, like you, wet their diapers. Period.

Tainted Grail: The Fall of Avalon is fucking awesome.

My upper body is so usefully muscle rn it makes me so happy. I'm not shredded, but I can feel myself just being notably sturdier with more utility strength than before. Now if only my legs would keep up...

I bodied my family in Monopoly. I spared no one.

Bop It is still a hit amongst the youth.

Here's everyone's gift from me. Digo's Christmule 2 oz vodka 0.75 oz lime juice 0.5 oz Christmule Syrup* Pour over ice, top with ginger beer.

Happy Holidays, you Bastards

xxx_~I LiVe My LiFe In ThE sHaDoWs oF tHe ThInGs I tRy To HiDe..._xxx

Such a haunting, beautiful song.

Make up your own holidays. Decide that every December 23rd you listen to the entirety of Phobia by Breaking Benjamin and drink a six pack of PBR. Decide that every February 11th you record how many bananas you can eat in one day and compare it to the scores of previous years. Just do shit

To all the Heated Rivalry girlies out there...Just trust.

Pink 'groni Club 3/4 oz gin 3/4 oz Campari 3/4 oz Blanco vermouth 3/4 Italicus 2 dashes cherry bitters Work in progress, but it's definitely getting there.

Dropped my donuts crossing the street, bent down to pick them up, almost tripped, and gave the cars waiting for me to pass a fucking cartoon show.

You're listening to gay sex radio, home of all the gay sex hits, on Sirius XM.

A drive thru window like McDonald's except instead of food you pick stuff for someone to shove up their ass and you watch through that little window or something idk I didnt go to good idea school

RIP Marbles :(

People are always "NPC this," and, "NPC that." Brother being an NPC rules. I told like 7 people the same joke tonight behind the bar and got a laugh every time. I made the same like, 10 drinks all night. Being an NPC is fuckin so much easier than all this other bullshit.

When my garbage bag is now the only garbage bag in the dumpster and my TryAgain is VERY VERY visible through the plastic.

Having IBS sucks shit because not only can I not enjoy a lot of things (without immediate consequences), I look like a fussy child I would love nothing more than to be fucked up by a spicy meal, and crush some broccoli, but I prefer my pants remain un-shitted.

Funyuns are a god tier snack.

There's no such thing as a partial potty accident. Once that wet spot shows up, or that seat drops, ya might as well just go on and finish up. No point in doing half a job.