As a gay dude, my new passion is hyping up quiet/shy dudes at the bar like girls do in the bathroom. Tell a dude you like their t-shirt/cologne/hat. Pump up your fellow bros.

Took a week to myself with no social media. I decided bluesky is at least mostly safe for my MH. I will be less active, but around.

Going radio silent on social media until further notice. Stay safe everyone.

A weighted plush so heavy you can't get up to pee, so you have an accident...

Cocky jock who is a VERY LOUD AND PROUD diaper boy ABDL and his timid and soft spoken caretaker partner.

Oversized Tee shirt and diaper, no pants, is still the ideal little outfit. Remains undefeated.

Some days I'm asexual in the way that I have zero drive at all and am completely uninterested Other days I can't stop thinking about Bandit Heeler's balls.

Who called it cultural appreciation instead of entering the whitegeist

Cocktail experiments are NOT cheap lmao. I hate dumping a nearly full drink but unless I'm planning on getting wasted, I am not going to drink every failure. Half a bottle of tequila later, I'm buzzed, and feeling my wallet getting grumpy at me. I love making drinks, but fuck...pwicey

Got a telegram notice for a login code right after being messaged by a scammer. Not liking that.

Finally got one!

Y'all why did no one tell me weed has diuretic properties? I was high as hell watching the new Conjuring and had to piss like 3 times in 2 hours, and I was ready to panic thinking I was gonna die.

Well this definitely isn't going to result in a complete shit show or anything.

I will say that I find it weird that a lot of people are like "this is the moment that will tip us into violence" when a Minnesota politician was assassinated in her home 2 months ago and someone literally shot Trump in the head last year. how exactly is charlie kirk the tipping point

White collar jobs are so weird because I just had a "corrective action" meeting with my boss regarding a failed metric, where he told me, "It's bullshit you failed and we're actively changing policies mid-year because clearly some shit is wrong. Anyway, officially we met to talk about your metrics."

If someone ever says anything about me putting ketchup on my hot dogs, I feel obligated to get a second hot dog just to do it again to make em mad.

UNPOPULAR OPINION. Saying you "peed your pants" when you meant to say "I wet my diaper" is cowardly. Say diaper, you big chicken. You peed your DIAPER. You went POTTY in your DIAPER. Peeing your PANTS is for BIG KIDS and not LITTLE DIAPER BABIES. Thank you.

Locking pups in chastity just gives them too much energy. Milk em dry and they'll calm the fuck down. What is wrong with these amateurs?

Vision center: I can't find you in our system. Do you have your insurance information? Me: I'm fairly sure it should be in your system, but I can look to see if I can find my card. VC: That's okay. I can just look in your file. Me: excellent idea.

Go State!

Bitches, I hope you know I won't stop till I hit that hoe Baby, come say "hello" And get your drunk ass over here, let's bone Bitches, I hope you know I won't stop till I hit that hoe Shorty, come say "hello" And get your drunk ass over here, let's bone

So believe in me, believe them You think I'll let you down? Well, I won't They can fire everything they've got And when you think I'm sunk I will float on and on I have burned the bush that covered my light Even though I'm scared I won't burn that bright You won't know, you won't know - Brand New

The disparity between the quality of Swan Songs and American Tragedy from Hollywood Undead is one of the most wild cases of musical whiplash. Swan Songs is like, time period considered, a legitimately solid album about mental health struggles and addiction American Tragedy is just straight up ass

With the Cyhawk game on the horizon, I am once again reminded of my favorite commission.

I bring a sort of "uncle that will wholeheartedly tell you not to fall victim to the perils of underage alcohol and drug use, but also a safe person to come to for questions about it" energy to the family that my family doesn't fuck with.

This Rum Tastes a Lot Like Brand New Lyrics.

I switched to aluminum-free deodorant cuz I read something about how it can cause cancer or whatever and all it took was a fucking Instagram video for me to be like "Wow I'm a fucking idiot, awesome. Back to antiperspirant, I guess."

These major production companies talking about "embracing AI" are gonna have big feelings when their shit collapses. "What do you MEAN no one is watching?! We typed all the most popular buzzwords into our magic movie making box and no one is watching it! It should be illegal not to watch it!!!!!!!"

Being a comedian introduces me to a lot of interesting people but my favorite are the amateur finance bros that are like "Dude you could be a comedian full time if you were smart with your money. All you have to do is *describes a white collar crime*." Cannot wait to see the fallout.

Tenderloin sandwich

I keep seeing ads for cute outdoorsy baby clothes and for a second get excited before I realize they're actual baby clothes and not a sickass adult plaid flannel onesie.

The new The World Is A Beautiful Place & I Am No Longer Afraid to Die album FUCKS SO HARD.

✨ What’s next? Changes EVERYTHING. 💜💙💖💛 #Soon #NewDiaper #ABDL #MiddleDesign #PlasticBacked #HookAndLoop

Me: *trying to work* My brain: smol, brainy, snarky daddy-top corgi and lorge, lovably stupid, trusting, mastiff puppy-sub. Me: as you wish. I guess.

Lap wetting is goated and underrepresented.

Did they call bukkake in ancient Egypt getting Cummified?

Alien: Earth is so fucking sick.

Hesitatant to get TOO excited cuz I won't start for like 2 months, but I was officially offered a full-time bartending gig at an upscale cocktail restaurant. I am very, very waggy.

"You look like the only addiction you have is toy trucks." - my buddy at the open mic. I crave this man's ability to roast.

You can sum me up by the there main Cs of my interests. Comedy. Cocktails. C-Ing people pee in their pants.

Your body conditions itself to know when and where it's okay to pee. It's why you get stronger urges near bathrooms (or in pools 🫢) So, when you start having more and more accidents, getting used to going in your pants, soon you won't be able to resist at all...

Briefs without at least a LITTLE pee stain are like a cake without frosting. Fine, but lacking.

Accidents are fun, but I also love a little "accident." You've wet your pants before. It's not really a biiig deal. And you really don't want to stop watching your show, or playing your game. So you just kinda leak a little out...then a bit more...and then just a liiittle more...and you're comfy.

Tonight was one of those magical comedy nights that keep me coming back. One of my favorite comedians randomly dropped into the open mic tonight. I got to watch his set, which was awesome. Then, he saw my set, and gave me a compliment after. Floating.

Looking through the upcoming acts for my local Funny Bone is such a trip. Right wing grifter Right wing grifter Tik Tok star doing 15 minutes of standup and then a 45 minute Q&A Right wing grifter Mother fucking DOUG STANHOPE Then another Right wing grifter

80% of Gen Z humor is just "LOL SO RANDOM" humor repacked with a Prime logo. "Little did I know it was actually... evil Larry..." is equivalent to "I had a hunger that only hands could satisfy," and I will die on that hill.

Me: I have some time to kill before my show. Maybe I'll grab a drink at my favorite gay bar real quick. Also me, drinking the strongest red bull vodka known to man: This is on me. I knew better.

Arcanine with these cool as hell shades 😎

Good luck stopping them boyeee I'm safe af.