Heated Rivalry is SO FUCKING HOT.

I forgot that this weekend our Playlist started playing Goodbye Horses and my coworkers looked at me real weird when I started laughing.

Who I was as a child may no longer be who I am now, but every now and then I am able to lift him onto my shoulders so he can see how far the man he grew up to be has gotten.

If The Flash is so fast, why can't he circumnavigate the globe to fuck himself in the butt?

2026 Resolution is to write a book. Stipulations are that I have to break 50k words with the same group of characters through the whole thing. No collections, no tie-ins. Just one story. It's time.

*Hopes and Dreams intensifies*

Post an animated film you’ve loved since childhood

xxx_ThEy SaY yOu NeEd To PrAy If YoU wAnT To Go To HeAvEn, BuT tHeY DoN'T tElL YoU WhAt To SaY WhEn YoUr WhOlE LiFe HaS GoNe To HeLl_xxx

I'm like 3 steps removed from forming a pop punk revival band and and I'm not afraid to use it

I live my life by the three Ps. Pop-Punk. Piss Pbeer.

I've said it before, and I'll say it again. Saying "I peed my pants," when uou really mean you you WET your DIAPER is big kid stolen valor. You didn't "pee" anything. You wet your diaper like a lil baby. Don't ever come at me with that shit. Babies, like you, wet their diapers. Period.

Tainted Grail: The Fall of Avalon is fucking awesome.

My upper body is so usefully muscle rn it makes me so happy. I'm not shredded, but I can feel myself just being notably sturdier with more utility strength than before. Now if only my legs would keep up...

I bodied my family in Monopoly. I spared no one.

Bop It is still a hit amongst the youth.

Here's everyone's gift from me. Digo's Christmule 2 oz vodka 0.75 oz lime juice 0.5 oz Christmule Syrup* Pour over ice, top with ginger beer.

Happy Holidays, you Bastards

xxx_~I LiVe My LiFe In ThE sHaDoWs oF tHe ThInGs I tRy To HiDe..._xxx

Such a haunting, beautiful song.

Make up your own holidays. Decide that every December 23rd you listen to the entirety of Phobia by Breaking Benjamin and drink a six pack of PBR. Decide that every February 11th you record how many bananas you can eat in one day and compare it to the scores of previous years. Just do shit

To all the Heated Rivalry girlies out there...Just trust.

Pink 'groni Club 3/4 oz gin 3/4 oz Campari 3/4 oz Blanco vermouth 3/4 Italicus 2 dashes cherry bitters Work in progress, but it's definitely getting there.

Dropped my donuts crossing the street, bent down to pick them up, almost tripped, and gave the cars waiting for me to pass a fucking cartoon show.

You're listening to gay sex radio, home of all the gay sex hits, on Sirius XM.

A drive thru window like McDonald's except instead of food you pick stuff for someone to shove up their ass and you watch through that little window or something idk I didnt go to good idea school

RIP Marbles :(

People are always "NPC this," and, "NPC that." Brother being an NPC rules. I told like 7 people the same joke tonight behind the bar and got a laugh every time. I made the same like, 10 drinks all night. Being an NPC is fuckin so much easier than all this other bullshit.

When my garbage bag is now the only garbage bag in the dumpster and my TryAgain is VERY VERY visible through the plastic.

Having IBS sucks shit because not only can I not enjoy a lot of things (without immediate consequences), I look like a fussy child I would love nothing more than to be fucked up by a spicy meal, and crush some broccoli, but I prefer my pants remain un-shitted.

Funyuns are a god tier snack.

There's no such thing as a partial potty accident. Once that wet spot shows up, or that seat drops, ya might as well just go on and finish up. No point in doing half a job.

Listen I didnt make nearly 5 gallons of tequila sunrises with VERY nice tequila just to let half of it go to waste. It hurt making tequila sunrises with Cazcanes but I had no other choice. It was foisted upon me.

I'm kinda like a box of chocolates, ya know? I'm the gift you give your parent that you have a strained relationship with where you don't dislike eachother but neither of you have ever been open enough about yourself to have a genuine relationship.

Nick Wilde could pull anyone he wanted and y'all wanna act like he ain't HIM. SMH.

Remember everyone, CALL YOUR REPS! IT WORKS!!! Unrelated, I am trying to sell some ocean front property in Missouri. Willing to let it go cheap!

If your friend is into watersports, get them a birthday urinal cake for their special day.

Never thought I'd fuck with a country cover album of Blink 182, but Dusty Carousel as actually so fucking good????

It's so stupid cold outside wtf

Defeating a boss in one hit in any game always feels so, so good. Shape of Dreams feels gooooooood.

Just gonna throw this out there. In today's time, playing Far Cry 5 is very cathartic.

I wonder if my mom knew that I'd cum on the "wooden spoon survivor" shirt she bought me. I turn trauma into boners, baby.

100 Americans vs. 100 Brits 😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆😆 100 Americans vs. 100 Aussies 🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐🧐

Getting a sub twenty minute full clear in Shape of Dreams on a run my friend and I were trying as a joke was not on my list of things I'd do today.

Why no, I don't get emotionally charged about unimportant things to avoid real feelings. Why would you ever say such things

Dunno why there is so much Nick Wilde cuck porn. He's not a cuck. Doesn't give cuck energy. It's bad fanfic character analysis to paint him as such. He's a downlow bi bottom and I would fuck his mouth like it was my job.

And now for something completely different. The first time I ever jacked off I was listening to Always by Blink 182 and that's honestly something I feel like they'd be proud of.

Sometimes it is strange navigating the space between, "I don't want to deny anyone their truth in how they interact with the ABDL/babyfur community," and, "Sometimes I am genuinely annoyed that trends become the de facto way for people to interact with other people in the community."

Life isn't all Popsicles and nickelodeon. Sometimes you have to have gay sex with the translucent anthropomorphic frog that lives in your vents. Grow up.

I know a lot of people hate on golf but god damn is it fun. Just casually doing some recreational drunk driving in an environment where expressive self hatred is welcomed and encouraged. 6 beers deep yelling "THIS IS WHY YOUR DAD ISN'T PROUD OF YOU." when you shank a shot? Incredible. 10/10