My cats do not understand why I dig up the accursed evil that they bury in the litterboxes

My fave genre of science fiction is the ten-day weather forecast

Remember: If you see something, SHEA something. SHEA BUTTER

THE WHCA DINNER WILL CONTINUE UNTIL MORALE IMPROVES

When people die in horror movies, my only emotional response is mild envy, which I admit is probably not the right takeaway

Remember: You can't make everyone happy. You are not 2400mg of gabapentin.

Egyptian black fat-tail scorpion (Androctonus bicolor). He's my buddy. The species occurs in NW Egypt. #InverteFest #scorpions

It's been a long week for all creatures. #CaturdayEve #Caturday

Giant female wolf spider (species Hogna lenta), South Florida. I knew she was gonna be huge when my headlamp picked out a pop of eyeshine from about ten meters away. #InverteFest

School subjects most useful for daily adult life in a crowded city: - theater - microbiology - dodgeball

smart phone make dumb walk

Don't ask me. I have the civics of an urban raccoon.

Bad day? At least you're not the cricket that my Asian giant forest scorpion is currently eating while it's still alive.

Leaving this work day behind like an action hero calmly striding away from a towering explosion

For me, the "impact factor" of a scientific journal is how hard I hit the paywall

In my spare time I worry and behave oddly

All nervous, no system

Realtors rave about natural light. I want the unnatural kind. Every room should make it look like I’m holding a flashlight under my chin

My cutoff length for movies is 90 minutes. It feels unhealthy to think for longer than that about a fictional story instead of obsessing about my own issues.

Every bookstore visit ends in front of the blank notebooks. Empty pages give the best brain chemicals.

MOST ANIMALS: This thing is weird. Better not eat it. CATS: I must eat this weird thing before anyone can stop me

"Avengers, assemble," I murmur as mosquitoes and ticks start a new season of tormenting the shit out of humanity

The local church has a huge banner that reads LOVE THY NEIGHBOR but also has bait stations out to the poison the neighborhood rats

When Morrissey sang "I see the world, it makes me puke," I felt that

If you're lonely, just remember that you have two species of face mites

All work in this journal is subjected to rigorous purr review. #Caturday

The cover of their forthcoming album. #Caturday

Time to walk the scorpions. Here's my Asian giant forest scorp (genus Heterometrus). I rescued him last year from unfavorable conditions at the local pet store.

As a man, I fight the patriarchy by intentionally fucking up my own life

Lying down with the cats on crinkly brown packing paper to see what all the hype is about

If you post that you squashed a spider I instantly block because that's the closest I can get to squashing you

My wife [casually while scrolling through her camera roll]: "I could be a professional fish photographer."

Mistyped an email signoff as "Beast regards" and decided that was actually better

Getting soaked in a sudden downpour was more fun before we started carrying expensive electronic devices with us at all times

I would never want to be verified on social media because I value having a certain amount of plausible deniability

A weighted blanket is not enough. Hit me with a shovel.

I take it nobody minds if I just never think about anything ever again

I'm way too mentally ill to be using social media but at least I know it

Sometimes you seize the day. Sometimes the day seizes you.

Touching grass by lying face-down on a lawn

Catch and release. These little chaos agents ran into the bedroom, where they are not allowed (it's where I keep my arachnids). #Caturday

"The boats are circling to do a hazard assessment" means they're checking if an alien is clinging to the hull, right?

I drop so many things on the floor that I am seriously thinking about giving up bipedalism and just living down there permanently

As an arachnid hobbyist, I used to try to ease people's arachnophobia, but now I'm totally fine with spiders tormenting humans in their own homes

Today I'm reading a scientific paper about spiders that live deep within limestone caves, and it sounds pretty good down there

Working from home makes me feel like I’m developing Cotard’s Syndrome.

Female Arizona bark scorpion (Centruroides sculpturatus), the only scorp species in the US with venom potent enough to be considered medically significant. I've been stung twice and it wasn't that bad. #scorpions #arachnids #bugsky

Life with scorpions is never pointless