Birds are better at flying than people. But people have built airplanes. Which I also don't know how to fly. Why the fuck did I enter into a bird contest? I'm never gonna win that bag of assorted seeds.

I hate telling people I don't drink because people jump to conclusions why... Like, seriously, I'm not pregnant...

Today my therapist assumed I lived in a basement. That's not true, but still a valid guess.

Heads up: If you are going to post something like "We lost an amazing artist and performer today. RIP." It is INCREDIBLY important you specify that it's a post about Diane Keaton!! #lostprophets

The flotillas delivering aid to Gaza are being intercepted right now. My friend's brother is on one of those boats. There's a live stream you can watch on YouTube: www.youtube.com/live/uEN2bWF... You can also follow along on Aljezeera: www.youtube.com/live/uEN2bWF... 🇵🇸 #freepalestine #gaza

💀 Creepy month is finally here! Let's dance together on summer's grave this week! I'm live streaming on Twitch and YouTube @ GoodbyeSimonFox. #noimnotahuman #silenthillf #vtuber #letsplay

One thing I'll say about Louis C.K. He certainly cultivated the sort of fans who don't care that he's playing the Riyadh Comedy Festival.

I really struggle to be the most insufferably intense person at my communist meetings. Same goes for my ufology meetups. Too much competition. But boy howdy, space comrades, did I find a way to kill two birds with one stone!

I keep getting this ad for wrap-around Oakley's with a camera attached. An invention, I imagine, that is only used for filming strippers without their consent.

One of my comedy idols died! If you've never listened to Tom Leher, this nerdy looking man made some of the most hilariously demented songs of the black and white era. If you get a chance, go listen to "Poisoning Pigeons in the Park" or "We All Go Together When We Go". #tomlehrer #musicalcomedy

I know there are much bigger problems in the world but the whole #subnautica2 situation is a real cherry on top of the shit sundae.

Come closer grandchildren...my only regret in this world...is that I never learned how to properly make that "brap brap" noise where it sounds like your mouth is a semi-automatic gun. That shit was so cool. Don't be like me, children... (Dies)

I recently joked that Dubai Chocolate just sounds like regular chocolate but made by slaves. Then I remembered how regular chocolate is made...

Trump / ICE have the opportunity to do the FUNNIEST thing right now! #elon

My current haul of Sumo merch. Thanks for my buddy JJ for hooking me up. #sumo #grandsumo #japan #midorifuji #wakatakakage #sumowrestling

Dear The Past, I just saw Superbowl LIX. The gameshow host that committed treason and become president outlawed pennies while history's greatest female tennis player crip-walked next to a Pulitzer prize winner calling the wheelchair dude from Degrassi a pedo. Love, Simon (p.s. go Eagles)

🦅

Baby Bear: You ate our porridge and used our furniture! Goldilocks: Your parents stopped loving each other and sleep in separate beds.

My new book, "I Have No South Mouth and I Must Cream: 7 Spicy Tales Involving Super Horned Up Robots" was rejected because Penguin Books are a pack of cowards.

Studies show Millennials and Gen Z have fewer terracotta warrior statues to protect them in the afterlife than previous generations.

I livestreamed The Game Awards with my buddy Keeper Reyo. I never expected in a million years that I'd hear the words "Hideo Kojima" said by Statler and Waldorf. Watch Here: www.youtube.com/live/a__IXSf... #thegameawards #vtuber #livestream

Cosmo Kramer in the CW's reboot of "Seinfeld"

In a cruel irony, it took a sexy man who is famous on the Internet to get people interested in Ted Kaczynski's work.

This murder is gonna have a Detective Poirot ending where we find out that all 334 million Americans had motive and conspired to kill that guy.

Spotify Wrapped: You were in the top 0.001% of Cold War Era Number Stations listeners. Your favorite song was "17... 4... 17... 98... Delta"

My annual reminder that the girl from Santa Baby wanted a "platinum mine". Girl wanted a blood money Christmas.

Sorry, y'all. If you hadn't guessed from my last stream, I am a sick fox. 🤒 I have no voice to entertain you with. I will hopefully be healthy again soon, but I'm going to have to cancel my weekend streams. I'll post next week's schedule tomorrow so we can get back into it again soon! #VTuber

Just Watched Homoti. The incredibly pro-queer Turkish rip off of E.T. from 1987. What if an alien came from space, hung out in somebody's apartment for 90% of the movie, got hammered, and discovered his love of men? #lpotl #homoti #badmovies #badmovie #et #lastpodcastontheleft

It's official. I have become death, destroyer of undersea worlds... #Subnautica #VTuber youtube.com/@goodbyesimo...

Hey friends! I'm slowly completing my decent into total dork. I've been VTubing lately over on my YouTube channel! I've shed this horrible mortal flesh to rise like a phoenix as an anime fox creature. Anyway come chat at me over on YouTube sometime! www.youtube.com/@goodbyesimo...

Broccoli Cut Woody Guthrie. "This machine unalives fascists, fam."

Coming Soon

Dungeon Master: The orc attacks. Roll to see if it hits. Me using erotic sex dice: It looks like my elf...licks...feet. Eh? Do you like that? Dungeon Master: The axe cuts through your brain like a wedding cake. You die.

Speaking the truth about the most evil plant in the world. 🌱 #comedy #comedian #sketchcomedy #funnyvideos #funny

So you're telling me we have food trucks, but they DON'T drive around playing music like an ice cream van? Where we drop whatever we're doing, grab all the change we can, and flag down the Korean BBQ man?

The Mike Tyson fight is making me question all these plans I made after smoking toad venom...