"People of all ages can get swept up into the magic of puppetry because this is an art form where people are bringing inanimate objects to life through the power of the human spirit..." Happy Birthday, Heather Henson!

ALICE OTTER: Oh, Emmet. That's about the nicest present anybody ever tried to give me.

JACOB MARLEY: It's good to be heckling again! ROBERT MARLEY: It's good to be doing anything again!

MISS PIGGY: And do you know what they have me playing? An elf. Can you picture me as an elf? Not that I'd be bad.

ZOOT: Huppuh Hunnuuuuhh. Happy Hanukkah, Muppet fans!

PEPE: We'd love to help you take those letters to Santa. RIZZO: But our flying unicorns are at the shop.

KERMIT: But you know what the really nice thing about Christmas is? JOHN DENVER: Hmm? KERMIT: Well, it's the one time of year where everyone seems to be part of everyone's family.

FOZZIE BEAR: Hey everybody! Would you like to see our new act? STATLER: We'd love to see your act! WALDORF: In fact, we'd hate to miss your act! STATLER: In fact, we'd love to hate your act!

"When I read [Jim Henson: The Works], I knew I would fit in there, and I wished I could’ve met Jim Henson. So when I got the audition, I was like 'My God, somebody read my journal!' It felt like somebody answered my wish." Happy Birthday, Leslie Carrara-Rudolph!

"There are many adjectives to describe what I do: fun, sweaty, tiring, challenging, amazing, freeing, hilarious… but 'glamorous' is not one of them. But there's no other job like it in the world. And I love it." Happy Birthday, @stephaniedabruzzo.bsky.social!

"This wiki is dedicated to documenting, exploring and enjoying the enormous body of work that Jim Henson has created and inspired." Happy Birthday, @muppetwiki.com! This account is in debt to your countless contributors... particularly those who are generous with transcripts.

"Creating a character is always a delicate balance. It’s the writing. It’s the concept. It’s the puppeteer. It’s the voice the puppeteer does. You just don’t know whether something is going to click." Happy Birthday, Norman Stiles!

FOZZIWIG: My speech! Here's my Christmas speech. Ahem. "Thank you all, and Merry Christmas." JACOB MARLEY: That was the speech? ROBERT MARLEY: It was dumb! JACOB MARLEY: It was obvious! ROBERT MARLEY: It was pointless! JACOB MARLEY: It was... short! BOTH MARLEYS: I loved it!

LOTHAR: Will the plan to kidnap Santa Claus succeed? By the prophecy of the genie, and by the powers of destiny… I bring you the word. COSMO SCAM: Well, what’s the word? LOTHAR: Maybe.

KERMIT: One kid thinks that Santa Claus gets into the house at Thanksgiving and hides in the laundry hamper until Christmas Eve.

TAYLOR THE TURKEY: This Thanksgiving thing is really great. I don't know why the other guys in the pen bad-mouth it. I mean, they give me a nice shave, and, look at all this food... I smell good enough to eat! Happy Thanksgiving, Muppet fans!

HOWARD TUBMAN: What are you doing for Thanksgiving? BEVERLY PLUME: Some of my ghoulfriends are having me for dinner! HOWARD TUBMAN: Awkward.

SCOOTER: What's Thanksgiving without the dancing Christmas trees?

MILDRED: You know, when I was in London, I saw them changing the guards. GEORGE THE JANITOR: Why? Were they dirty?

DUCK: Oh, Kermit. KERMIT: Yeah? DUCK: I finally got the punchline down for the act tonight. Want to hear it? KERMIT: Okay. DUCK: Good. "Quack!" KERMIT: Uh Fine, fine. But uh, keep working on it, okay?

WALDORF: Well, they did improve the level of television entertainment. STATLER: Well, they had no place to go but up.

FOZZIE BEAR: I bet on a horse that came in so late, they had to pay the jockey time and a half.

"This was unbelievable to me to meet everybody that’s working with the Muppets! Here I got a puppet on my hand that was actually a Muppet." Happy Birthday, John Kennedy!

"One of the attitudes of 'Sesame Street' has been that children, even tiny ones, have a sense of humor." Happy Birthday, Tony Geiss!

(Dave Goelz on Jack Burns) "Gonzo... might have been forgotten about during the early meetings, except that Jack Burns... said, 'Yeah! Yeah! Like he does these crazy acts like eating a tire to 'Flight of the Bumblebee!'" Happy Birthday, Jack Burns!

JANICE: Will you love me forever? ZOOT: I don't know, baby. Ask me again in a million years.

SCOOTER: But how about that audience I paid off for you, huh? They did just what I told them to. MISS PIGGY: What did you tell them? SCOOTER: To go hog wild. MISS PIGGY: Scooter. I am paying you to give me help, not cheap jokes.

WALDORF: Ah, do you ever go to those dances? STATLER: Dance? I got a slipped disc-o.

LOUIE: I need to go help some people. It's a very important job, and well... it's just something I have to do. We'd like to thank all military veterans, active-duty personnel, and military families for all they've given on this Veterans Day.

KERMIT: Uh, Fozzie, are you trying to be pushy or something? FOZZIE BEAR: Oh, no. I mean, uh, yes.

NURSE PIGGY: Uh, uh, Dr. Bob, oh, you don't look well. Are you alright? DR. BOB: I'm still in shock from what happened to my last patient. NURSE PIGGY: But you cured him. DR. BOB: You don't think that was a shock?

STATLER: "Take a cruise," you said. "See the world," you said. Now here we are, stuck on the front of this stupid ship. WALDORF: Well, it could be worse. We could be stuck in the audience.

HERRY: I think we're ready to pick our national bird. So let's take a vote. ELMO: Excuse me, excuse me, sir! A vote is a great idea, but what is a vote? HERRY: A good question! Happy Election Day, Muppet fans! Be sure to cast your ballot!

"I grew up in a house full of Muppets. And friends of mine use to always ask 'What's it like?', 'It must be great fun,' 'It must be crazy.' And the truth is the Muppets were always kind of awesome to me. And I have a lot of respect for the Muppets." Happy Birthday, Brian Henson!

GONZO: Gee, no one says goodbye here. They just ghost you. Happy Halloween, Muppet fans!

COUNT VON COUNT: What is a ghost's favorite dessert? ELMO: Gee, Elmo doesn't know, Mr. Count. What is a ghost's favorite dessert? GHOST: Booooooooo-berry pie!

STATLER: Ohh! That number scared the pants off me. WALDORF: Are you sure you didn't just forget to put 'em on again?

KERMIT: Uh-oh, it must be time for the ghost story. Is anybody else around? Uh, Bean, is that you? I hate this part.

"...Paul [Williams] and I decided that not every song can be a snappy two-step number. This was a chance to do a modern-day Disney type of thing, with a waltz, and a snappy two-step number, and music of different styles..." Happy Birthday, Kenneth Ascher!

CLIFFORD: Rick is known and loved for his family films, like Parenthood and Honey, I Shrunk the Kids. DR. PHIL VAN NEUTER: Oh, and don't forget Little Shop of Horrors! CLIFFORD: That's not a family film. You don't know your movies! DR PHIL VAN NEUTER: YOU don't know my family!

FOZZIE BEAR: Hey. This is cute. What does it do? DR. JULIUS STRANGEPORK: My work here is nothing less than... the secret of life itself. FOZZIE BEAR: Wow. DR. JULIUS STRANGEPORK: And also a coffee that doesn't taste bitter.

STATLER: Vincent Price is the most wonderfully scary actor since Thudge McGerk. WALDORF: Heh! Thudge McGerk, I'll never forget him, His last film was Phantom of the Soap Opera.

GOBO: ♫ Times I'm in the night Can't locate the light How I wish I knew the right design Music in the air Making brightness there Learn to sing the golden sun to shine ♫ Happy Diwali, Muppet fans!

FOZZIE BEAR: Hey! I once met a vampire who was so rich, he lived in a split-level coffin.

KERMIT: Let the scariness begin.

STATLER: Hmm, I'd give that movie four stars. WALDORF: And why is that? STATLER: Because the two that are in it now stink!

DR. TEETH: This is a narrative of very heavy-duty proportions.

BOY: No matter what you saw on TV, with all those "ughs" and "me want-ums," I'm telling you Indians don't talk like that. CHILDREN: Oh yeah? Well, how do you know? BOY: I'm an Indian. Happy Indigenous Peoples' Day, Muppet fans!

KERMIT: Hey, Sam. That's a nice song. What is that? SAM THE EAGLE: Oh. I don't know. Something called "Fred's Song". KERMIT: Hmm. That's very pretty. SAM THE EAGLE: No, it's not.

"Big Bird could be a dinosaur if all dinosaurs were six years old and yellow." Happy Birthday, Artie Esposito!