Not so bloody chirpy are you now Evertonians? £170m spent and you’re shite again. Love, me, Woany & Stoney

Chelsea are an absolute basket case of a club now. 6 year contract David Brent was on. He’s lasted 4 months.

Bye bye you gang of bastards. Enjoy oblivion, won’t you… #LCFC #Leicester

👀

#Spurs #THFC A pre contract conversation has taken place I can exclusively reveal. Woany and Stoney are on Standby.

Can’t take Woany anywhere the scruffy bastard.

Nice to see Everton showing the lethal side we trained on so often. Now they need to sit deep, very deep… Mariana trench deep… for 50 minutes.

Igor Tudor & Victor Pereira… Two Fanny’s with zero experience at keeping teams up. Then there’s me, Woany and Stoney. A better trio than the Beatles. That Alan Sugar and Marinakis are a pair of woke clowns.

A STATEMENT: Last night Mr Marinakis cancelled the contracts of me, Woany and Stoney. We delivered some outstanding results with a group of group of players who all share an IQ of 32 between them. I’ve been paid £7.5m after being let go, Woany & Stoney got a Sunday Carvery each. Sean Dyche

The RADICAL LEFT are causing an uprising in Nottingham against YOUR MANAGER, Sean M Dyche! The Football we play is the best ever seen in the HISTORY OF THE GAME. The DEMONIC Left are a danger to #NFFC security and our DEMOCRACY. Thank you for your attention to this matter. Sean M Dyche

Courtesy of @coldwarsteve.bsky.social

Before the FT presser, I want to get this in. You first, you woke gang of thieves.

I’m still processing the Villa game, no way we should have lost that. Tactically we were great, the coaching staff and I proved that by making hand gestures. Big JV has the full support of myself and the club as we arrange his deportation back to Brazil via Venezuela, to defend against Trump.

From total domination to 0 points is extremely frustrating. I like that O’Brien kid, he was there in my time… must have been in the reserves though, I don’t remember him. If he was available I may still be there… Referee was terrible again, so I’ve posted shit through his letter box

Big game tonight against struggling Everton. We welcome them to the City ground by turning off the heating and hot water in their changing room. Bastards.

Happy Christmas fellow Notts. No festivities for the lads though, big game on Friday to silence those bankrolled Mancunians.

Southern bastard fairies. Gutless Cockneys are no match for the Nottinghamshire Regiment. #NFFC

I knew I taught Tarky too well.

Woany sent me this LOL

Terrible performance by the lads.

Hang it in the bastard Louvre. Because it’s happening. The kings of Europe are back. Non of this Galactico nonsense in Madrid. Bankrolled arseholes. You can take that redshite and stick them in the bin too, the massive bottle job BASTARDS. Dyche ball ? More like Dutch ball. #NFFC

I’m not saying Everton can thank me for that defensive display… But… You’re welcome.

Young Eze looks like he’s played for the Arsenal for years. Lovely Goal, young man.

There’s only one bald ‘Master Tactician’ in the Premier League, and he didn’t spend £500m on a bunch woke pussies. “Ooooo but the low block!!!!” Man up, musk up, and piss off. #NFFC

14 Shots 6 On target 3 Goals 3 Points Masterclass.

Before we smash Leeds tomorrow I’ve taken the lads to Bestwood Winding Engine House for the day. Some of the foreign lads are a bit confused but they’ll be shitting smiles when they see the pack lunches we’ve prepared. Bestwood Colliery, no great achievement is made without sacrifice. #NFFC

It’s an ok result but we dominated overall. We need to start capitalising on chances, MGE in particular had a golden opportunity. Because he shit it completely he’s got to clean the bog. This was new last week but the Owner has absolutely battered it. #NFFC

I don’t want to say anything that may land me in hot water with the FA, or PGMOL… However, how that opening goal by Casemiro was allowed to stand is a bastard cheating BIG 6 bias piece of shit blatant disgrace.

Tough one to accept today, anyone who has eyes can tell you the first goal shouldn’t have even happened, and yet I’m booked? It’s absolutely crazy. Anyway, I’m heading back to Nottingham in me Escort Cozzie, on me own, Woanie laughed at me Yellow card so he can piss off. #NFFC

Just taken MGW for a pre match pep talk, a Canadian themed McDonalds is what he wanted along with 24 chicken nuggets and a selection of Sauces. Big boss Marinakis ordered the entire menu. #NFFC

Just pulled up to Bournemouth, unfortunately I let Stoney drive the bus and now the goofball has taken us down a one way street. Thankfully I was following with Woany in me Escort Cozzie, painted in moonlight blue, Marinakis has a curry last night so fook travelling in the bus with him. #NFFC

I’ve managed a team against Bournemouth 16 times. I’ve won’t more than I lost with an average of 1.68 points per game. #NFFC #Nottinghamforest

After last nights humbling of Portuguese giants, FC Porto. I treated Woany to a mix grill in the Boozer…He’s got an hour to finish it apparently. Stoney decided he wanted to go home and goose his Mrs, top lad. #NFFC #NOTTINGHAMFORESTFC #BASTARDS

Last win Europe for Everton: 2017 Last win in Europe for #NFFC : Last bastard night. Put some respect on my name (&woany & Stoney) #NottnghamforestFC #NottsForest

I was asked today what type of jeans I considered to be woke and subsequently banned from being worn by anyone under contract to Notts Forest FC. #NFFC My answer was simple…

It’s not a spell, it’s a promise.

One of us has a masterclass video on Utube, and the other sticks a ‘Y’ on the end of Matt. Utter. Woke. Spelling.

Early breakfast this morning. Gaffers day begins at 9am. #NFFC

Shin pads on. Socks pulled up. Gloves off. Snoods off. Av’it you gang of BASTARDS.

Sly Sports couldn’t get a scoop in an ice cream parlour. Anyway, I’ve just picked up Stoney from the brewery, he’s absolutely shit faced, some lad. Woanie is in the back on his Nintendo switch complaining of “ car sickness”, absolute fairy. www.skysports.com/share/13453802

I am pleased to confirm my back room staff will be Ian Woany Woan, and Steve Stoney Stone. The magnificent BASTARDS are back

Despite the BASTARDS sacking me, it’s always good to see Big Red lose, especially four on the bounce. Kopites are indeed Gobshites. Sean Dyche.

Contrary to rumours, Marco Silva will not be the new Manager of Notts Forest. Myself ,Woany and Stoney are looking forward to being paid in Gyros and implementing Gaffers day Sean Dyche.

Fine margins. That extra bit of quality. working hard to change the story. They're good players, I keep reminding them of that. We know we've got to do better. It's been an issue since before my time. I can assure you. Quite obviously. Hard yards.

I am pleased to announce I have formally agreed terms with Evangelos Marinakis to become the new Manager of @news.forest.collabfc.com.ap.brid.gy I look forward to be working with such a talented group of bastards within Notts Forest. Socks up, shin pads in… Bleep test. #NFFC

I’ve just had a job interview. Can you guess where?

Read my exclusive interview in today’s Sport. I talk about live Music, Burnley and my sudden departure from that gang of shit houses in L4

9 off europe the boys

I’m sorry to sound bitter like, but how the fuck are those players doing this? We ran them into the ground and played 11 behind the ball and were absolutely shite. Gang of con artists! #EFC #EVERTON #PALACE

Has Beto got a fucking twin Brother? #Everton #EFC