minecraft youtubers have absolutely nothing on roblox CEOs

took an oaf: all bread, no L’s

sumac n’ cheese

half of the shit happening rn would not have even been possible in a society with robust and accessible mental health care

Megyn Kelly b like

i read the real elite emails in Power’s voice help

wait a fucking second is this why they ended the shutdown

you mean to tell me the Catholics took two days to elect this guy???

cuomo’s chance of winning in NYC according to Polymarket (6%) was less than the debate audience attendance rate of people who had credibly accused him of sexual misconduct (1/13)

the Left and the Right are basically the same thing. one side has you going 90 degrees clockwise, the other has you going 90 degrees counter-clockwise. either way? still going 90 degrees. way too hot for me

i do love how “echo chamber” has just become synonymous with basic consensus whenever rhetorically useful. like, bro, why are you a devil’s advocate in the “black people are human beings” echo chamber when the “human beings can’t fly if they flap their arms really fast” echo chamber is right there

The DoorDash Flasher incident has men flopping over each others’ indecently exposed dicks trying to make it the woman’s fault, to no one’s surprise

a lot of really stupid shit in the U.S. makes a lot more sense when you remember that Americans are the kind of people who take works like Watchmen (1986) and make Watchmen (2009)

the more i engage with people active in fandom communities, the more i realize none of these fuckers know how to read

people just read shit on the internet said with any sort of confidence and accept it as truth as long as it conforms vaguely with a oblong mass of other opinions they’ve gained through osmosis

Ted Cruz yells the loud part even louder

why do writers treat x-ray vision like a perverted power? do they know what x-rays are? do they expect us to believe superman is looking at lois lane’s coccygeal vertebrae and getting a boner?

idc what the custom is. when i die, lie me on my side with a hugpillow so i can be comfy

free and for sale willy

you ever watch a movie and think, “this could’ve been an email”

centrism is like getting between a guy who does crack every day alone in his house and another guy who thinks that the first guy should stop doing crack, and saying to both of them, “why don’t you do crack together once a week?”

elmer fudd trying to be intersectional: i bewieve in gay wights

we used to be a real country

if you have a conservative person or any dipshit who did or might’ve voted red in 2024 in your life, no you don’t. they’re gone. cut em off yesterday. don’t support them, don’t be their friend, and if you see dipshits in the street wearing paraphernalia, dump a milkshake on them

party city college

duck gundam managed to do the impossible: queerbait two characters that barely have 2 min of meaningful conversation with each other

google is fucked, i just looked up mickey mouse and got this shit

freddy cougar

honestly, if i were president, i would send the national guard and the marines to california to help protestors destroy waymos

a venn diagram between donald trump and lilo from the lilo and stitch live action remake where they have exactly one thing in common

a new bible version that is entirely the same as the King James, but the entire book of Numbers is replaced by every integer in ascending order starting at negative infinity

saddam hussein: the first cave diver

Dune Bernie Sanders: “the american people are tired of Fremen”

Flo Rida Georgia Line: “bby u a song, u wanna make me roll my windows down, Taio Cruz lETS GO”

ahahahahahaaHAHAHAHAHA

they should’ve called it avengers: about 4 days

your chocolate is salted with the sweat of a thousand child slaves, yet you only taste the sugar and milk

showing up at a protest with a bluetooth megaphone to deliver the taco bell ding at max volume

non-binary mayor, call it their city dick so big, call that post-scarcity

flanderization is making yoda talk syntactically backwards all the time when he was introduced saying shit like “it is time to eat,” “the boy has no patience,” and “do or do not; there is no try”

imagine being such a shit dad even the child you literally had hard coded to do what you say rebels against you

me n the boys up at 3 am jonkin each other’s phones

obewan kenobi

holed up in a bunker sweating bullets and lying in a pile of granola bar wrappers and surrounded in full piss bottles. December 20, 2019, they finally confirm it. i call it on my comms, eyes heavy and skin sticky “men,,, they breached the wawa”

the stan lee parable

“is pootis like the US president”

two door machinima club yep that’s it that’s the skeet it’s getting skote

devils are weak as hell. you learn their given name is “cunniligus bingus” and suddenly you own their whole existence like that one scene in 8 Mile