The most frustrating thing about AI bros is they really seem to think its opponents would be converted if we just looked at what it can do, as if we don't look all day, every day since time out of mind.

I don't watch professional sports, not because sports aren't exciting, but because they are deeply corrupt and bitterly disappointing in a way that robs you of both money and your sense of human dignity. But on the other hand, stadiums full of bright colors, so . . . What do I know?

GOP: Mitch McConnell is alive and fit to serve Also GOP: KY gov must replace him with a Republican Andy Beshear: (replaces him with a Democrat) So which is it? . . . You see why this is checkmate?

You can throw political blame around as much as you want in America, but let's be honest with ourselves. A people who will put up with Liberty Mutual ads will put up with anything.

I don't know what everybody's therapist has been telling them, but it's perfectly healthy to feel joy at the shameful death of people who have tried for years to destroy you.

People don't remember this but Trump was both a known rapist and a sports jinx in the 80s, too.

Omg, are we still trying in 2026 to outclass the fascists? Do we still think if we press our collars and stand a little straighter there's a chance any part of this clusterfuck nightmare will end? Who is this limp dick contest even supposed to impress?

Is there literally nothing so bad they won't publish an article telling you actually it was good?

It's time that billionaires paid a shit ton more than their fair share in taxes.

I'd be much more impressed with Joyce Carol Oates if she could write a sentence that proved she knew how the word 'fuck' works.

It's awkward when you realize how much dialog in novels is just the author arguing with themselves whether the scene is any good.

As i walked past the National Mall last week, it felt like I was being asked if I would like to crawl inside a metal cage on a hot day and listen to country music covers of Sweet Caroline while armed guards stood outside and made sure I didn't misbehave. Friends, I did not.

I'm tired of reading reporting on the Supreme Court that treats it as a serious institution with the authority to decide who is a human being or not.

What does he mean "become normal"? Trump incited a mob to murder Congress, and Sen. Chris Murphy immediately wrote NYT editorial calling for reform of the NCAA. Nobody gives a fuck about political violence in the US, oddly enough, not even politicians.

Is it me or does it feel like literally every novel on Amazon is categorized incorrectly?

You ever get the feeling that all Calder is trying to do is explain some of the more convoluted cases of thesis, antithesis and synthesis?

I often hear, "I don't like writing, I like having written." This is insane. Writing is acting without consequence. Having written is consequence, if only of having to see yourself in the mirror. The intolerance for self knowledge is the main reason many people can't finish their own work.

I'm not going to tell you that staring at a Matisse painting is going to solve all, or even any of your problems, but . . . Have you tried it?

Look, I know someone out there wants to read a novel about a werewolf who knits colorful socks to keep from rage-murdering an entire town, I just don't know how to tell them, "Hey, over here!"

I don't like to be prescriptivist about language, but when people say, "I would low-key watch tf out of that," I damn near have an aneurysm.

Everyone can say he's unpopular and unfit. Everyone can say he's disgusting and criminal. It's not until people are ready to say he's got to go will anything happen. It's not until the people in power are finally scared will anything change.

When an episode of Nathan For You comes on, zero part of me wants to watch, and when it's no over, zero part of me wants to watch another, which is problematized by the fact that in between, nobody has ever seen a human being do funnier stuff.

What's better than a Free Churro? Nine free churros! Today is the ninth book birthday of The Killbug Eulogies!

Imagine being such a rich old crank that you tell the media they couldn't pay you enough to direct a James Bond film when nobody is asking you to direct a James Bond film.

I kinda want to hire an Etsy witch to curse whoever is in charge of saying Steven Spielberg is still relevant. The trailer for the new one is *rough*!

This, apparently, is the shape your body takes when startled by a divine presence.

Cut Alabama's star out of the US flag.

Even at this stage, it is somehow more "sophisticated" to stop short of saying he has to go. Okay, but he has to go.

I keep trying to think of a reason to dislike the oil still life of an Uncrustable on the Internet. I've come up with nothing. Not even the start to something. It triggers every pleasure center.

Do Democrats really think "Let the criminals rot in prison!" isn't going to play politically in the United States??

It feels like it's a whole industry now to try to convince you that the vastly disappointing films of your past weren't as bad as you remember. If that's your job, please go drive a truck or something.

Imagine if there was a booming voice that told you the moment the oldest dog had just died and you were now Older Than All Dogs. You'd be like, Dude did you get your OTAD yet?

I haven't heard anything about what Christopher Nolan's take on the Odyssey is, but I've a pretty good guess it's about the telling of fictions and the making of movies.

Insurance ads are like a fifth horse of the apocalypse.

I'm at a point in my life where I spend a lot of time trying to understand the difference between "up on" and "upon." Mostly it's sound, but it's a big difference and surprisingly hard to understand.

The trickiest thing about writing a funny novel is when it comes time to promote it, you have to pretend it's not at all funny.

I don't understand why the Senate opposition is using "war of choice" when "war of coked-up jackassery" is right there.

States that cannot support democratic institutions and policies should be stripped of statehood and reduced to territories Otherwise what are we saying, we refuse to be governed by oligarchs, except the ones that control Tennessee? Anti-authoritarians should have been saying this for a decade now

I don't know how many taps it takes for Ctrl + C to work, but it's at least three.

You ever just miss the swamp?

When I heard David Byrne declare There is water at the bottom of the ocean, I thought, that's it, every sentence should feel like a miracle.

Every time I hear what Kevin O'Leary has said or done lately, I can't believe you fuckers sat through all of Marty Supreme.

I've heard the phrase "love language" enough times to feel pretty confident that nobody knows wtf it means.

Letting people vote again after voting for Trump was like letting the Misfits compete against Gem in the Battle of the Bands after trying to burn down the orphanage.

I feel art criticism will call just about any Goddamn thing "dreamlike."

Sometimes people know all the words to "Crocodile Rock," and I'm like, "Jesus, what happened here?!?"

If you work in advertising, you are the scent of the devil's ass in the world.

There are too many people in this country who mistake their feelings for truth and their cowardice for intellect.

Every time it's a close up of Darth Maul frowning, he kinda looks like Tony the Tiger.

It only takes one insane play in baseball every couple of weeks to pretend it's not just baseball every other game of the season.