The Daily Dread
@the-dailydread.bsky.social
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📝 72
America's second favorite satirical news source
Voting Booths Add DNA Tests to Ensure All Voters Are At Least Âľ White And ÂĽ Bald Eagle
2 days ago
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Interviewed NASCAR Attendees Say They Don’t Really Like Other Races
10 days ago
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ICE Agent Deeply Remorseful After Accidentally Shooting Armed Hostile
13 days ago
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“I’m Just Glad Our Government Isn’t That Oppressive” Says Iranian Citizen
15 days ago
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Secretary of Health RFK Jr. Brags He Can Tell What Illness Someone Has Just by Reading Their Autopsy Report
22 days ago
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US Government Rounds Up All the Journalists to Make Sure the Bad Guys Can’t Get to Them
23 days ago
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Stranger Things Finale Reveals the Real Strange Things Were the Friends We Made Along the Way
24 days ago
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Greenland Acts Like Our Ally and That’s What Makes Them Dangerous
25 days ago
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Congress to Weigh in on the Ethics of Invading our Own Ally
26 days ago
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Trump Excited to Meet All the Hobbits in Greenland
27 days ago
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Person With No Grasp on Reality Very Optimistic About the Future
about 1 month ago
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Trump Pardons the Grinch for Stealing Christmas Saying It Was All Just a Big Misunderstanding
about 1 month ago
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Netflix Acquires WB Games, Becoming the Second Most Used N-Word by Gamers
about 2 months ago
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Trump Receives Nobel’s Coveted “Participation” Trophy
about 2 months ago
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Rep. Marjorie Taylor Greene Resigns After Realizing She’s a Majorie Failure
about 2 months ago
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New Twitter Location Label Reveals Many Users Posting in a State of Delusion
about 2 months ago
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Trump Copies Putin’s Peace Plan Homework but Forgets to Change the Name
about 2 months ago
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Average Reading Grade Level of Gen Z is Also 6-7
about 2 months ago
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Tomahawk Missile Obliterates Bathtub Toy Boat Over Drug Trafficking Suspicions
2 months ago
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Therapist Dying to Tell You to Get a Better Haircut
2 months ago
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ICE Agents Last Seen Pursuing Princess Leia and the Death Star Plans
2 months ago
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Stranger Things Season 5 Dangerously Close to Making Will an Interesting Character
2 months ago
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People Complaining About Air Traffic Cuts Should Just Suck It Up and Use Their Private Jets Like the Rest of Us
2 months ago
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Kanye Hires Private Investigator to Find the Marbles He Lost
2 months ago
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Instead of the Politically Incorrect “Happy Thanksgiving!” Say “Gobble Gobble! Go Choke on a Mashed Potato!”
2 months ago
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Most of US Government Budget Spent Treating Hand Cramps from Constantly Rewriting History
2 months ago
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After Madagascar Military Coup, When Asked When Public Elections Will Be, Military Simply Says, “I Like to Move It, Move It”
2 months ago
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Local Police Force Loses Baking Competition Yet Again Due to a Few Bad Apples
3 months ago
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Guys, I’m Starting to Think Some Rich People Aren’t That Great
3 months ago
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Researchers Discover That All Food is Grab & Go If You Dine and Dash
3 months ago
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Livestreamed Childbirth Closest Anyone on Twitch Has Come to Actual Labor
3 months ago
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Madagascar Protests Interrupted by Four Penguins
3 months ago
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For The Last Time, There’s No Such Thing as an Epstein File Reveal Cake, Please Stop Calling
3 months ago
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Man on Deathbed’s Only Regret is Not Doing More for the Shareholders
3 months ago
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Robot Replace Me? I’d Like to See a Robot Show Up Two Hours Late and Do a Mediocre Job
3 months ago
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Heat Death of the Universe Delayed So the Devs Have a Bit More Time to Polish It
3 months ago
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Peruvian Citizens Starting to Question Political System of Exclusively Having Bribery Focused Presidents
3 months ago
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Madagascar Military Also Overthrows Table After Losing at Scrabble
3 months ago
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Vietnam Invades America to Prevent Further Spread of Capitalism
3 months ago
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NPC Cat Hopes Druid Runs Out of Spell Slots for Speak with Animals Soon
3 months ago
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This One Trick Feels Illegal and That’s Because It Is, Click to Learn More
3 months ago
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For the Last Time Sir, We Don’t Have Any RFK Jr. Masks at This or Any Spirit Halloween, Please Stop Calling
3 months ago
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“What Is Everyone So Mad About?” Says Man Who Hasn’t Checked the News in a Year and is Also the President
3 months ago
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Economist Explains to AC/DC What You Do for Money
3 months ago
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“I’ll Renovate a Hundred Rooms Before I Rebuild My Marriage” says Trump
3 months ago
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This Halloween, Make Your Cooking Extra Spooky by Only Using Expired Ingredients
3 months ago
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Washington Post Changes Slogan to “Democracy Dies If You Use an Ad Blocker”
3 months ago
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Jackie Chan Picks Up End Table at Furniture Store, Nearby Ruffians Run in Fear
3 months ago
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US Gives Argentina 40 Billion Dollars in Exchange for a News Headline
4 months ago
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After Robbery, Louvre Manager Reassures Us the Real Priceless Artifacts Are the Friends We Made Along the Way
4 months ago
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