I get so mad when companies jam AI down our throats even though nobody wants it or asks for it. Then I unironically post another stand up clip.

Hackers got access to Pornhub user history so just to get ahead of embarrassment here’s my top 3 searches: 1. Respecting Women 2. Filling the Wage Gap 3. Desperate MILF gets help with childcare

My new special Positive Reinforcement didn't make any prestigious end-of-year lists for me to post about, but I am really proud of it, and I think you'd like it if you haven't seen it yet! :)

Paramount already has Landman. They can’t buy WB and get Aquaman too. That’s clearly unconstitutional.

I just remembered that Will Smith Netflix movie that was like Lord of the Rings meets Crash and they put the Orcs in fubu jerseys so you knew they were black

When my wife asks if I remembered to change over the laundry

ATTN SAUDI FINANCIERS, I HAVE SCRIPTS READY TO GO: 10 Things I Hate About Jews MeccaGodzilla The Fasting and Furious (A Ramadan Classic) Easy Riyadher The Side Dish of the Lambs Dial MBS for Murder The Englishman Who Went Up A Hill But Used A Bone Saw to Dismember an American Journalist

Men and women are teaming up to create Organic Intelligence that can work countless jobs with a "human touch" that customers crave.

The absolute goat of died doing what he loved people.com/man-who-foun...

Thank you for correcting me Jeff www.washingtonpost.com/business/202...

I will fistfight anyone who wears this

Oh cool The Dodo posted about your mom

He’s the secretary of health and human services but he sexts like the secretary of agriculture.

It’s like I always say, you can’t spell bamboozled by your former child actor pseudo journalist fiancé without “bamboo.”

Lizza’s friends in 2023 “I don’t wanna pry but it seems like your anger isn’t really about the bamboo?”

From the administration that brought you Pizzagate it’s Lizzagate

Ryan Lizza writing like, “I grew suspicious when I found a note that said ‘I want you to suck the worm out my brain’”

Gearing up for my Thanksgiving crowd work special where I use a turkey leg as mic

Kennedy Brothers: If you’re gonna work with us, you gotta love cooze. Dulles Brothers: Perfect, we love coups.

Man who just fought tooth and nail for a trillion-dollar pay package SAYS money will be irrelevant in 10 years. fortune.com/2025/11/20/e...

I’m ready to step away from public life to spend more time with my wearable computer that also sucks my dick

One sign of a failing democracy is the President threatening to hang members of Congress. A second sign is those same members of Congress emailing me about the threats to ask for thirty dollars.

One day, close to the end, I’ll be able to look back on all of it and say, you did it Robby, you watched the exact right amount of those weird hoof cutting videos.

I'm thrilled that Gavin Newsom is the Democratic presidential frontrunner because never once in my life has the early frontrunner won the primary.

Pretty fucked up considering he himself was almost killed by ice. www.sfchronicle.com/entertainmen...

Holly, it was your tits. pagesix.com/2025/10/16/c...

Oh so Young Thug, Young Jeezy, and Young Buck can all use the N word but Young Republicans can't?

This is basically every best man wedding toast www.washingtonpost.com/style/trends...

Just got back from Riyadh and boy are my arms deals signed

Heard all your moms walked out of The Smashing Machine because it wasn't a biopic about me

"Jane? Yeah, I remember Jane."

Nothing funnier than dating twinky musicians and actors and writing lyrics like “Your charisma filled the room before you even walked in/you were always so brilliant and it made my head spin” to dating an athlete and being like “Wait, did you guys know about sex?”

My morality is not for sale and to prove it, I dare any brutal regime to make me a $600,000 offer for a one nighter and see what I say. Do it. I dare you. Please do it. Please I dare you. Please do it. Do it please.

Might spend a week accepting all these spam loan phone calls and move to Argentina

I knew this was coming. Literally every time I go to the movies I see her there, alone. www.nbcnews.com/news/amp/rcn...

One day you’re flirting then dating and being sexy and then one day you walk out of the bathroom where you’ve been for 48 minutes, shuffle your feet through the Lego covered floor, and confidently declare, “Ok it’s DEFINITELY time for a colonoscopy.”

Riyahd is like a Mecca for comedy

A common misconception is that Saudi wealth comes from oil but it’s actually from submission fees to the Riyadh comedy fest

AI should do one thing and one thing only: Warn us that we’re about to send a shit talking text to the person we’re talking shit about.

I feel like enough time has passed where I can say this and it’s not distasteful. More like Robert Deadford.

I don’t get political comics who alienate half the audience. I talk about the slow misery of youthful optimism’s transition to mournful, middle-age nihilism and alienate the ENTIRE audience.

All evidence points to Robby Slowik but the bullet casings said “Robby Slowik Didn’t Do It” so unfortunately, we are back to square one.

The “new this month” section on Peacock has United 93, World Trade Center, and the Pat Tillman Story like 9/11 is Halloween and people want to get in the mood with movies.

Trump claims a 2.8 golf handicap. This man has BEEN lying about strokes.

The theme is Roman decadence made possible through subjugation and slavery and also - there's a civil rights museum! deadline.com/2025/08/time...

SVU would have you believe there's a dedicated team of professionals committed to investigating every rape and not just two dudes with punisher tattoos being like "sounds like a misunderstanding"

How much you wanna bet this ends with everyone in the West Wing doing this to their own hands?

I didn’t even know NBC needed a merger approved

Meta is like, “we made a revolutionary new AI“ then you read about it and realize, “no, you just let a bunch of perverts program a sex bot“

At the Riyadh Comedy Fest wondering why my best weed jokes aren’t working at the stoner show then the first rock hits my face