“I miss the old Dunder Mifflin. Too much change is not a good thing. Ask the climate.” – Michael

“I miss the old Dunder Mifflin. Too much change is not a good thing. Ask the climate.” – Michael

Erin: “Aw, a bird and a dog.” Andy: “Yeah, well, it’s Snoopy and Woodstock.” Erin: “You named them?” Andy: “Uh, Charles Schulz did.”

“Had a very good thing going with David Wallace. He was a good guy. He was somebody I could trust. Here he is. You can really see that he is okay taking a picture with me. Even though I was there for disciplinary reasons.” – Michael

“We really don’t do a lot of weddings. We actually don’t play in public very often. We’re all really hoping that Pam’s wedding works out. This could be a turning point for the band.” – Kevin

Pam: “No, wait, come on. I—I didn’t miss a day. I came in early. I stayed late. And I doubled my sales last month.” Andy: “Oh, really? From what, two to four?” Pam (talking head): “Yep.”

“I am Beyoncé always.” – Michael

Andy: “Oh, my gosh. You have the Dallas board game?” Kevin: “Yeah. When I was a kid, I was on Dallas.” Andy: “Really?” Kevin: “Yeah. We missed our connecting flight, and we spent the entire day on Dallas. Then we spent a week on Hawaii. I was on heaven.”

“Town cars suck. A town car is something that a company sends when they’re in trouble. A limousine is something that a company sends when they have cause for celebration. And in this case, I think we are celebrating me.” – Michael

“The boat was actually plan C, the church was plan B, and plan A was marrying her a long, long time ago. Pretty much the day I met her.” – Jim

Pam: “W.B. Jones is renovating their offices, and their construction crews are taking up some of the parking spaces we used to get.” Jim: “So we had to park at a satellite parking lot over there.” … Kevin: “I will quit. As god is my witness, I will quit if this is not fixed.”

“I’m not a millionaire. I thought I would be by the time I was 30, but I wasn’t even close. And then I thought maybe by the time I was 40. But by 40, I had less money than when I was 30. Maybe by my 50s, I don’t know.” – Michael

“Yeah, I’m not a temp anymore. I got Jim’s, uh, old job. Which means, at my ten-year high school reunion, it will not say, ‘Ryan Howard is a temp.’ It will say, ‘Ryan Howard is a junior sales associate at a mid-range paper supply firm.’ That’ll show ‘em.” – Ryan

“No more meetings! No more meetings! No more meetings! No more meetings!” – Pam

“I saw Wedding Crashers accidentally. I bought a ticket for Grizzly Man and went into the wrong theater. After an hour, I figured I was in the wrong theater. But I kept waiting. Because that’s the thing about bear attacks—they come when you least expect it.” – Dwight

Toby: “Didn’t you lose a lot of money on that other investment—the one from the email?” Michael: “You know what, Toby, when the son of the deposed king of Nigeria emails you directly asking for help, you help. His father ran the freaking country, okay?”

“My roommate wants to meet everybody. Because I’m pretty sure he thinks I’m making Dwight up. He is very real.” – Jim

“I am at a crucial point where I have sunk four hours into that copier. And I am not gonna let it beat me like that wireless router did.” – Pam

“You give me a gift—Bam! Thank you note. You invite me somewhere—Pow! RSVP. You do me a favor—Wham! Favor returned. Do not test my politeness.” – Andy

“I’m not usually the butt of the joke. I’m usually the face of the joke.” – Michael

Ty: “They’re actually putting you out of business.” Michael: “Okay, okay. Hold on, hold on. Ty, I would like you to crunch those numbers again.” Ty: “It’s a program. There’s no such thing—“ Michael: “Just crunch ‘em. Just crunch ‘em please.” Ty: “Crunch.” Pam: “Did it help?”

Jim: “So Dwight heard you were having a really rough day, so he generously offered to wash our car.” Pam: “Aww, he did that for me?” Jim: “Yes, he did.”

Michael: “Hi. I am Michael Scott. I am the captain of this party.” Captain Jack: “I’m Captain Jack. I’m captain of the ship.” Michael: “Ahh!” Captain Jack: “I’m also captain of anyone who sets foot on the ship.”

“This day is bananas. B-A-N-A-N-A-S. This day is bananas. B-A-N-A …” – Kelly

“I’ve been studying Michael for years, and I’ve condensed what I’ve learned into this chart—how Michael spends his time. As you can see, we have procrastinating and distracting others, and this tiny sliver here is critical thinking. I made it bigger, so that you could see it.” – Jim

Michael: “You wanna hear a lie?” Toby: “What?” Michael: “I think you’re great. You’re my best friend.”

Pam: “Corporate needs you to find the differences between this picture and this picture. Intel has told us there are at least seven.” Creed: “Okay. I already see one. Gimme. Okay.” Pam (talking head): “They’re the same picture.”

Operator: “Well, Mr. Halpert, you’re obviously not in San Juan, Puerto Rico.” Kevin: “Wait a minute. Yes, I am.” Operator: “I’m going to go ahead and put a hold on your card.” Kevin: “No, that … I—I think that we should let the criminal use the card a little longer.” Operator: “Very funny, sir.”

“Pam and Jim are on their honeymoon, so there’s not the usual balance between sane and others. Toby has mentally checked out since June. It’s a very dangerous time. The coalition for reason is extremely weak.” – Oscar

Michael: “No, just stop. Stop. Just stop doing it. You’re going to drive me crazy.” Andy: “Fine, I’ll just go sit at my desk and be quiet. Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship.”

Michael: “Where were you this morning?” Dwight: “I overslept. Damn rooster didn’t crow.”

“I just … I used to have to do this part alone, and it was the worst. I have something I would like to give you.” – Michael

“The Dunder Mifflin stock symbol is DMI. Do you know what that stands for? Dummies, morons and idiots. Because that’s what you’d have to be to own it. And as one of those idiots, I believe the board owes me answers.” – Oscar

“Am I worried that Jim and David are having a meeting without me? No, because we are the three amigos. And once in a while, one of the amigos will go off to the bathroom while the other two have a secret meeting.” – Michael

Pam: “I was helping Nellie drive—“ Stanley: “Do not care.”

Pam: “You missed two big conference calls today. One with corporate.” Michael: “Oh, did you explain … why?” Pam: “No, I didn’t mention that you cooked your foot.” Michael: “Burned my foot, Pam!”

“You know what they say. ‘Fool me once, strike one. But fool me twice … strike three.’” – Michael

Maurie: “I learned that if you look even the tiniest bit like Jet Li, Michael will call you Jet Li all summer.” Megan: “Julia Stiles.” Eric: “Alan Thicke.”

“I took an extra shot of insulin in preparation for this cake today. If I don’t have some cake soon, I might die.” – Stanley

Jim: “Happy holidays, Dwight. But do not open it till Christmas.” Dwight: “You are so pathetic. How long did this take you? Three hours?” Jim: “Five minutes, actually. I am a black belt in gift wrapping.” Dwight: “Yeah, no such thing. They don’t give out black belts for things that are stupid.”

Dwight: “Don’t you wanna earn Schrute bucks?” Stanley: “No. In fact, I’ll give you a billion Stanley nickels if you never talk to me again.” Dwight: “What’s the ratio of Stanley nickels to Schrute bucks?” Stanley: “The same as the ratio of unicorns to leprechauns.”

“Sometimes I feel like everyone I work with is an idiot. And by sometimes, I mean all times. All the time. Every of the time.” – Kevin

“I’m not insightful enough to be a movie critic. Mmm. Maybe I could be a food critic. ‘These muffins taste bad.’ Hmm. Or an art critic. ‘That painting is bad.’” – Andy

Charles: “Nice day, huh?” Jim: “Yeah.” Charles: “Must be nice to get a rest from all your rest.”

“I’ve never been a kiss-up. It’s just not how I operate. I mean, I’ve always subscribed to the idea that if you really want to impress your boss, you go in there and you do mediocre work. Halfheartedly.” – Jim

“Maybe I played a little in junior high. And in high school. Maybe a little in college. And went to volleyball camp most summers.” – Pam

“No matter how I look at this, I am in the wrong. And I have looked at this thing, like, a hundred different ways. From my point of view, from their point of view … 98 others. And the bottom line, I am in the wrong. I’m the bad guy.” – Michael

“I just want to lie on the beach and eat hot dogs. That’s all I’ve ever wanted.” – Kevin

“Jim is my enemy, but it turns out that Jim is also his own worst enemy. And the enemy of my enemy is my friend, so Jim is actually my friend. But because he is his own worst enemy, the enemy of my friend is my enemy, so actually, Jim is my enemy. But …” – Dwight