Asking Chat-GPT to design a complete plan for the Cowboys defense to allow 650 yards per game and still make the playoffs

I don’t understand why there isn’t a lot more tiramisu everywhere

Turn This Off

Get pumped up for whatever you need to get pumped up for!

Resisting the urge to sing out loud non-stop — “How many baby daddies do you have if you don’t mind me asking”

Good night; may your stance be steady. Enjoy the setting of the sun.

"We sittin’ in here. I'm supposed to be the shopper, and we in here talkin’ about jeans. I mean, listen: We talkin’ about jeans. Not a store. We talkin’ about jeans. Not the store that I go out there and die for and shop every aisle like it's my last. Not the store. We talkin’ about jeans, man."

Bon Scott was only 33 years old

In the desert

Your scientists were so preoccupied with whether or not they could, they didn't stop to think if they should

Bluesky finally becoming what it was meant to be

Hard to believe it’s been four years since everyone was watching Bo Burnham’s Inside repeatedly and talking about it and making Tik Toks with the Jeff Bezos lines

Been showing this to my neighbors today

To prepare for Strange New Worlds season 3, I’ve got the six episodes you should re-watch: Memento Morí A Quality of Mercy Ad Astra Per Aspera Tomorrow and Tomorrow and Tomorrow Those Old Scientists Hegemony

You’ve gotta help yourself. As the great philosopher Ace of Base said, “no one’s gonna drag you up to get into the light where you belong”.

Don't wait to watch our next Film Sack movie: Ocean's Twelve It's streaming on Netflix until June 30, and then it's gone forever *probably a couple of months

Right now, all around the world, there are Samsung washing machines singing a little song

Let Them Fight

LA is Louisiana L.A. is Los Angeles DND is do not disturb D&D is Dungeons and Dragons Thank you

The plural of human is humans The plural of Mormon is Mormons Therefore, the plural of Shaman is Shamans

Today is Vanilla Ice Day (Observed)

So I feel like that went pretty well

Hey— the Pope being American makes it way easier for J.D. Vance to spend some time with him

Which two of these would you choose?

Someone out there needs to name your baby Rudyard

If you want to enjoy your life for a long time, never allow your pastimes to become lifestyles And if you succeed in doing that, please tell me how

Anybody else still remember vivid details about something like playing WoW with friends in 2010 but seriously can’t recall anything that happened to you three days ago?

The news has me wanting to take some Benadryl so I can talk to the hat man about it

I love subtle game references

Just look at it this way— whatever you did wrong yesterday, you didn’t put a news reporter in your secret group chat where you say the dumbest things imaginable

I’m not going to let all of this hurt me except at first and for an undetermined time hereafter

At this moment, it’s possible to believe that the entire Oscars broadcast will just be old movie clips and Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande singing and that would be truly healing

When it’s spelled like this you know it’s going to be good

Please share these two cartoons

I haven’t been to an Arby’s in about 20 years and this one is so empty I don’t understand how it stays in business

SNL 50th Event is great, but no Bill Hader as Stefon is a bummer.

At first glance, every notification on my phone looks like Washington Post Trump Administration announces closure of Department of Crucial Health Services, which was created by President Truman and responsible for saving an estimated 6 million lives per year …

Okay how about during the last quarter? Asking for Carson Wentz.

Has a multi-MVP starting QB ever been benched in a middle of a Super Bowl?

Apparently the formula for a Super Bowl commercial starts with casting someone who was in Schitt’s Creek, and I’m all for it

Everything has gone wrong for us in early 2025, so we may as well have a terrible scorebug

“Our struggle is not the struggle of a day, a week, a month, or a year, it is the struggle of a lifetime. Never, ever be afraid to make some noise and get in good trouble, necessary trouble." John Lewis

Don’t worry. The first year of this month is almost over.

I wouldn’t put a sticker on my car, but I was behind this guy and I totally understand his beef

Just remember More “trash can” Less “trash can’t”

Over the last few weeks, I’ve purchased eggs every time I found them for less than $4 a dozen But I didn’t increase my household egg-eating rate My fridge is now full of eggs

It’s been one whole week since Tik Tok banned itself for no purpose other than to promise everyone that it really really loves the incoming President

What’s a song that, for you, is much more important than than it is for other people? And you wonder if anyone even listens to it other than you? I’m thinking about “Ohio” by Bowling for Soup youtu.be/wBWNgg8CClc?...

Look I just want

Tik Tok is working for me now. It was down for about 14 hours.