Oh, sure, when a cat runs around screaming with a turd hanging out of its ass after a great shit, it's totally normal, but when I do it, it's "indicative of a serious underlying psychiatric condition".

The irony in announcing you're going to shell out thousands of dollars to non-citizens while in the same breath cutting funding from critical gov't infrastructure that serves US citizens and claiming it's because the government is spending too much money too frivolously is so thick I'm choking on it

Surgery update: through some questionable financial choices, I was able to secure my surgery date. Thank you so, so much to all who donated for your help in making this possible!! I can't describe how relieved I am.

Hi all, I'm once again asking for help. My insurance company isn't providing me with an insurance plan, even though I'm paying for one. Unless I can pay out-of-pocket, I will lose my surgery date. My life depends on this surgery. Please share this link however you can. Thanks 💜 gofund.me/5fa3785a

Please help. My insurance company is in breach of contract and while I've gotten them to fix the issue before, I don't have enough time to get them to fix it before my surgery gets cancelled. gofund.me/5fa3785a

It's 2025? That's fucked.

The loose cannon in my pfp is Moose. Look her. Look her dumb face. She's exquisitely unhinged. I have never resonated with another creature so much in terms of personality.

Every microwave that keeps beeping after you've opened the door should be scrapped for parts and every engineer who decided that was reasonable product design should be fired. I'm two unnecessary beeps away from forming a mob.

I knew what I had to do. OC

"Gosh, why does my tummy hurt so bad? I can barely even stand up." Two hours of continuous pain later, now expelling more gas than thought my body could physically contain: "I see."

Do I check to see whether people are even watching my snapchat stories? No. I monologue for 20 minutes over 7 separate videos and just put that shit out into the world

Y'all ever be feelin the antithesis of cash money?

Being on E be like Dada, da da dada dat, Dada da da dada Gettin tiddies with it youtu.be/3JcmQONgXJM?...

Another day, another "God dammit"

inside me there are two wolves oh dear god please someone help me I'm being bitten by exactly two wolves oh the pain and agony oh

Never underestimate the ability of a frozen pizza to go from still frozen to charcoal in less than 90 seconds

Shelled pistachios (derogatory)

Them: "Promise?" My ADHD: Go ahead, I dare you. I promise you're gonna forget 5 minutes from now. My Autism: What an asinine concept. Circumstances change constantly and it's impossible to guarantee results in any scenario. Me: "I'll do my best 🤠"

Hi 👋