President declares national day of prayer for his ballroom.

From fireside chats to mean tweets, the President has always been a steady presence in uncertain times.

Trump officials say they can build a stairway to heaven without congressional approval.

President’s message for Rededicate 250 appears to be same as one he recorded for Chuck Grassley’s 250th birthday.

Trump warns Iran he will send them a signed copy of The Final Countdown.

Sen. Cassidy finished right behind hantavirus in Louisiana primary.

Supreme Court upholds Virginia court’s ruling that democracy is undemocratic.

“I only think about one thing. We cannot let Iran have the Epstein files.”

Pentagon considers renaming Operation Epic Fury to Rocky 7.

Klobuchar shares her secret for getting bloodstains out of mom jeans.

CDC says doctors can smoke during open heart surgery.

VA Supreme Court rules Hantavirus is eligible to vote in midterms.

US adds 115,000 jobs In April as Bureau of Labor Statistics adds three zeros.

Karoline Leavitt gives birth to baby without forked tongue.

John Fetterman says he can’t see himself continuing in Hair Club for Men.

War, famine, disease, ballroom.

President thinks war in Iran could last until he’s removed from office.

“I don’t understand how a modern democracy can have a king.” - John Yoo

"People have more jobs than at any time in this country. Many have more than two."

Iran was two weeks away from releasing the Epstein files.

In DC, I’m working to provide a tax deduction for the first $400,000,000 spent on ballrooms.

White House officials say Brett Kavanaugh was unharmed.

No one will be allowed to leave White House Correspondents Dinner before submitting a written confession.

Iran’s Foreign Minister has left the room.

Gas is 4700% more expensive. Did you even thank the president?

The Poles were aghast when their pocket squares failed to protect them in 1939.

House Oversight Committee to investigate missing, dead scientists with no obvious connection to Epstein files.

“They were one step away from asking Copilot how to build a nuclear weapon.”

Fast fashion retailers are starting to make pants with larger pockets so you can carry around enough cash for gas.

“Iran has agreed to show Melania in all theaters.”

“Without this ballroom, no future dictator will be safe and secure.”

Gas pumps are more likely to hit 50,000.

When he launched this war, the President vowed regime change and “unconditional surrender,” but he’s still in the White House.

Melania denies having any knowledge of Jeffrey Epstein collecting money from sailors for passage rites.

Trump graciously invites the people of Iran to join him on Fifth Avenue.

Trump says missing US airman, Frank Abagnale III, rescued in Iran is safe.

White House signals downing of jets won’t impact imaginary negotiations with Iran.

All F15-E Strike Eagles are being retrofitted with Mark Wahlberg’s prayer app.

Earmark for miracle Chinese balm to regrow hair found in $1.5 trillion White House defense budget request.

Thinking about dropping my home insurance, because Allstate refuses to help me rob a bank.

White House has already filed an appeal to contest 2028 election results.

Judge rules President must find somewhere else to store cyanide pills.

House Republicans will move forward with their own bill to fund Democrat ad campaigns for the midterms.

Dow slides 500 points after learning offshore team in Philippines is negotiating for US with Iran.

Trump uses Cabinet meeting to prove he gets up before 10 am.

President accidentally drops pacifier in the Strait of Hormuz.

If Republicans wanted to Save America, they’d do something about the guy in the Epstein files starting wars.

President confirms gas prices are the lowest he’s ever seen.

White House evacuated after burning smell from Oval Office.

In addition to being president, Donald can also ride horses and speak Portuguese.