She sends my kids books, man. Don’t fuck around with us.

Dear Chickiedoodles, Remember when you thought you were gonna die of tired during the first one? Remember when you fucked your shoulder up, shoveling in a blizzard to get to the hospital during the second one only to be told to stay out because of COVID? Look at those miracles now. You did it. ❤️

That I loved them and that I chose them. I need that for them because it’s what my father took from me. I need to right those wrongs.

I’ve never been good at playing with toys and stuff with them. I grew up playing with toys alone. Kind of a sore spot for me. Could definitely improve there. Nowadays, I just pick them up and tickle them and slam them around and stuff.

When they do what’s right despite not being seen for it. Being a good parent is the most invisible and thankless job there is.

My father is the reason I’m straight edge, loyal, and honest, because my hatred for him made me craft a life to balance against his. My mother is the reason I’m kind, loving, and respectful, because I see her as an ideal I’ll never reach, but will always strive to.

Discussions and explanations. I try to alleviate confusion and be a welcome recipient to their creativity. I also play videogames with the oldest and am the only one that can calm the youngest when he flips out.

How it feels to get that ass whipped on Street Fighter. He will beat me when he deserves to and I will smile for him. Until then, he catches hands.

I apologized to my mother and I pitied my father.

That so long as you fight, you win, even when you lose. I have not been a flawless parent, but I’ve been there and I care and that’s what always matters on the other side of anything. I don’t fear failing my kids because I will always be in the fight to help them grow.

No one tells you how hard it is, because we haven’t invented words that can do so yet. If you’re an at-home parent, you have to do a job that never ends and on top of that, you have to pay for the privilege. Bananas. Also that it’s alright if you don’t like them all the time. They’re people.

From the stay-at-home perspective, the first day of school. Later on, it’s trying to convince them they’re being stupid about a thing before they get the stupid all on’em. Offered to help open a mango for the kid, but he “had” it. Came back after cutting his thumb open with a butterknife, cryin.

In the first stage, the hours. Miserable hours. Then there’s the stupid lies and the attitudes. My oldest is 10, so he doesn’t hate me yet, but that’ll probably be the next thing.

Watching them excel at that which they previously struggled. Like math finally clicking in my oldest’s head or seeing him finish an Astro Bot level he was stuck on or my youngest putting on his own clothes. Also laughing with them. We lost it watching this. youtu.be/iCvEcY-Suik?...

My mom used to tell me she couldn’t teach me how to be a man. Knowing what I know now, shit. 🤣

Apathy. I know it’s tiring and repetitive, but you still have to care.

I never knew the depths of my patience and understanding. I also got extremely good at changing diapers by using minimal wipes. The more you get with the diaper itself, the fewer wipes you need. 😉

That racism was acceptable so long as it’s your people sayin or doin the racist shit.

I feel like if my dad stuck around and taught me manhood, I would’ve noped outta that shit a lot sooner and been a lot further along in my gender journey.

I don’t even know. Stepdad or biodad. Pretty sure I’ve been told both, but I forgot.

I’d do anything for my mom. I might actually be moving in with her to take care of her because she’s up there in age. My dad is an alcoholic who abandoned me for bottles and women. We don’t chat.

Squad goals

It means I’ve climbed the mountain just a little bit more. There’s no peak. The climb is the point. Happy birthday, Nai. Thanks for these. Sorry I’m a bit late on the message, but I ain’t know. 😂

A day I find myself drowning in love and lacking in strife.

Lmao!!! Imagine… Smh

Performing acts of kindness for others in my memory/name.

Colorado. A piece of my heart lives there.

Like…infants? I’m kidding. Mine just passed and I got plenty. I’m good. But I do want a LEGO 1966 Batmobile. 👀

I want to finish some more stories for my book thing. Gonna probably be pretty difficult given how life just wants to beat the shit out of me from time to time, but I do believe I can make it.

Memory and I ain’t friendly. I don’t even know. I DO remember in my youth, my mom used to get me some bomb ass cakes with strawberries in them.

One where the song is not sung to me. I gots low standards.

2017: DMV visit to renew license. Waited forever, it seemed. I get called and they say I have a lingering arrest problem because I missed court dates I don’t know about. Suspended my shit. Changed one of the worst diapers ever. Shit was beige as fuck. Got denied jobs and pay. Just rough.

Michael Keaton. Of course the guy who played Batman and Beetlejuice is my birthday twin. Should surprise no one.

I got it a little early, but this girl I’m into got me a box with a bat plushie and a blanket and some other stuff and I just broke down because I’ve never felt more seen. That was this year, too. Wild.

Me. It’s a very dark answer. Darker than you realize.

The past. The present makes the past a sorrowful space.

“Trending” wasn’t a thing back then, but Michael Jackson was huge.

Well, many are tainted, now… Probably this one. Ze Frank released a video about bats. AJ Lee came back. Chronos The New Dawn released. Highest 2 Lowest released on ATV+ I found a peace I’ve never known in my adult life. So yeah, probably this one.

4a. I try to make them happy days. 4b. I rarely try to make any other days happy for myself. I’m a work in progress.

Hahahahahahahahahahahaha! Okay, I won’t do the obvious one. I was involved in a relationship for nearly a quarter of a century with a woman who was waiting for me to become the person they wanted. I wish I knew that earlier, but I don’t regret my kids, so…complicated?

2a. It’s happening. I don’t really care. Just wish stuff wouldn’t hurt so damn much for no reason. 2b. I tend to not sharpen my blades for battles I’m destined to lose.

The internet was born before me, but not too far.

Long post short. Stop putting unnecessary stress on yourself.

My weekend reminder to tell y’all lovely bitches to watch Weapons if you haven’t. Trust me. Just trust me.

If I didn’t have a fever or some kind of pox, it wasn’t even a conversation. My mom was an Assistant Principal.

I know dat’s right!

I guess, me walking through life getting roasted by beautiful women? Not gonna lie, a smile kinda crept onto my face at the idea. Givin me commands and shit. “Get the green tomato, bitch! Put the red one down!” I can see it. I got the vision.

Praise, probably. Be nice to each other. We need to lift up these boats.

I don’t, really. I feel like all of them have their place. What I don’t get will send someone else to the moon and I’m happy for them.