FROM THE FOOD FOR THOUGHT FILES: If Mrs. Kintner had been a better mother and stopped her son from going back in the water after telling him his skin was prunning, the shark never would have gotten him and Alex would be almost 60 years old today.

FROM THE "I BET YOU NEVER HEARD THIS" FILES: WE'LL RIDE THEM SOMEDAY. www.youtube.com/watch?v=sCpC...

I bet Bondi screams her own name during sex.

FROM THE "I BET YOU NEVER HEARD THIS" FILES: YOU KNOW THE SAME ROWDY CROWD THAT WAS HERE LAST NIGHT IS BACK AGAIN. www.youtube.com/watch?v=DZJd...

THIS JUST IN: STEVEN MILLER AND HIS VETERINARIAN BANNED BY THE AMERICAN KENNEL CLUB FROM OWNING DOGS.

JUST RELEASED! THE MELANIA TRUMP "SCRATCH AND SNIFF" MOVIE POSTER! GET YOURS NOW!

MICHAEL FANONE GNOME

KRISTI GNOME

Now more than ever, you have to choose. www.youtube.com/watch?v=5iAI...

FROM THE "I BET YOU NEVER HEARD THIS" FILES: www.youtube.com/watch?v=sYyP...

THIS JUST IN: NEIL YOUNG DONATES HIS ENTIRE MUSIC LIBRARY TO GREENLAND. PROMISES TO DELETE "SOUTHERN MAN" GUITAR SOLO.

FROM THE "I BET YOU NEVER HEARD THIS FILES" OK YOU HEARD THE SONG. ME AND SOME OF MY FRIENDS. www.facebook.com/reel/3201671...

THIS JUST IN: KRISTI NOEM REQUISITION A FLEET OF BUSES. SAYS SHE WANTS TO CHOOSE THE ONE SHE GETS THROWN UNDER BY TRUMP.