I for one was unaware the Boxing Day test is meant to literally start and finish on Boxing Day #ashes

And with that catch Marnus is set to become so chirpy on field he is literally communicating in bird song #Ashes

At the precise intersection of "celebrity gossip" and "property news" is an Australian editor with a 72-hour erection.

Janet, you literally work for an organisation that hosts its own awards ceremony cause the Walkleys didn't give them enough participation awards.

Janet Albrechtsen thinks the "only trauma" in the Brittany Higgins case is Labor's? That's the only trauma you can think of Janet?

Matt Canavan: I don't support ridiculing people. Also Matt Canavan: "Black Coal Matters".

If Pauline Hanson really hates the burqa so much, maybe don't wear it all the time?

I'm not defending Shields or Hornery, but if my boss had overseen the hacking of a phone of a teenage murder victim, I'd probably steer clear of lectures on media ethics...

Every wicket brings me one step closer to the horror of having to watch our top 6 bat #Ashes

Should someone ask Mike Atherton what he thinks now? #Ashes

Stuart Broad must be confused Duckett questioned the catch instead of just flat out denying he hit it #ashes

It seems to me that batsman in The Ashes should be made of sterner stuff than this #TheAshes

All communication with estate agents will now be concluded with the phrase "thanks champ"

Yeah...no shit mate.

Dear Bridget McKenzie, YoU FuCkInG WOT MATE?! Regards, Everyone.

This is only true if the "election" Sussan Ley is talking about is for Liberal Party leader.

Someone should tell the Herald Sun that the world "apology" is normally followed by the word "sorry"...

I mean on the hand, that's obviously bullshit so who cares, but also can these people really not hear that "I worked hard for 4 years to buy a house" might not be the winning argument they think it is?

Turns out instead of biting the bullet, the Liberals chose to load that bullet into a pistol, hand it to Sky News, and have them fire it into their face.

There are now more witnesses testifying against Alan Jones than people who watched his Facebook show

On the 50th anniversary of The Dismissal, spare a thought for Gerard Henderson, who will be Clockwork Oranged into a chair consuming every second of coverage while dictating hundreds of emails for any perceived error, no matter how sliight.

Not a great sign that RFK Jr went to the same medical school as Dr Nick.

Channel 9 hasn't lowered the tone of Fairfax's newspapers at all...

Hey Cheviot Beach, you missed one.

If the Brownlow is the Oscars for Australians, in sure Nick Daicos is nominated for "best acting".

Sussan Ley's right. They don't believe in targets for climate, targets for getting women into parliament, targets for getting back into government...

Given Sports Rorts, Commuter Car Parks, Leppington Triangle and Paladin all fail this test, it's worth asking: was Sussan Ley actually unconscious the entire time she was in government?

Herald Sun meeting: Journalist 1: "Dan Andrews is basically a dictator right?" Journalist 2: "I mean...he started a train line once" Journalist 3: "And you know who else built trains? Stalin."

Say what you like about Janet Albrechtsen, but you cannot fault her dedication to hounding survivors of sexual assault.

The Oz truly has the most insane readers. An expat (i.e. migrant) wants an anti-migration party led by Malcolm Roberts formed today. Please Charlie, donate your brain to science.

If Linda Reynolds was never suing a rape victim for the money, she'll donate the money to a crisis support centre. Right?

Luckily for Mr Sheridan, the fact we'll never get any submarines under the deal means we'll have nothing to torpedo AUKUS with.

Just insane that Greg Sheridan lives in a world where Trump achieved peace between Russia and Ukraine

Rebel stores? I'm mostly just embarrassed for organised gangs I guess...

"Productivity" is paying to post a photo at 7:36pm when the clock in the background suggests it was taken at 8:55pm.

Why would Bruce Lehrmann say "I'm not a violent rapist"? Can I go with "because he's a liar"?

"Yes" There. That's the article.

Nothing better illustrates the sheer triviality of Australian politics than the prime minister addressing the foreign policy question of our time in a fucking hard hat and high-vis

Janet Albrechtsen: Judges should keep their hands off women! Also Janet: Haha but not like literally, you're all good Dyson.

It's Wednesday so Noel is on his usual bullshit of helping the obscenely wealthy stay as obscene as possible

Seems "professional apartheid" is the only apartheid Tim Wilson cares about...

Every uncle at Christmas lunch

For fuck's sake Noel, STOP HELPING THESE TAX DODGING LEECHES!

The next time anyone argues "taxpayers should fund private schools" remember hundreds of thousands of dollars at Riverview College produced Barnaby Joyce.

If anyone can spot a no-brainer, it's a no-brainer

"Democracy is best served by when decisions are made by old white men like me."

"Down in history"? Oh yeah Simon Schama's working on a six-part series called "The RBA's July Rate Hold"

"Ideology, not facts" is basically every headline in The Oz right?

"I'm not racist, I just don't like welcome to country ceremonies cause of uh...productivity."

Noel, I'm begging you, STOP HELPING MULTIMILLIONAIRES AVOID PAYING TAX!