Easy to overlook but so worth dwelling for a warm moment on the Tories doing numbers you might expect for an indy candidate with a jokey name and a silly costume

A very, very good morning to anyone who defeated Reform and keeps a greyhound.

I have paid for information on my audience and it turns out a majority of fans are time travellers, or live in a time travelling family. So, greetings, it’s bandcamp Friday yesterday, please consider purchasing my music. teethrecs.bandcamp.com/album/betwee...

Pending fulfilment

This nibbly game where we strip titles seems weird. Either these people are pricks but innocent and we leave them with their positions and status, or they are guilty of awful crimes and the motherfuckers should be in prison?

If you ever have a pang of worry that you are not flourishing as you should be then perhaps take a moment to reassure yourself that it’s highly unlikely that you would be widely and fairly ridiculed using that Downfall clip. That’s the important stuff, you are doing well, good luck!

It’s worth noting that those using the state of palliative care as an argument against this have, in the many month since this passed the house, put zero effort into improving palliative care.

A little self care for everyone. Get yourself whatever you would want for a banger of a party, pop everything in a little box and put it to the side, ready for when y’know. That’s there for you now, you can think about it any time. You will be so, so happy.

Look, we can’t pay the scientists, engineers or for the running costs but if you give us a billion dollars we will enable workers to analyse office equipment down to an atomic level

Alev’s record is out, get it, get it now: lnk.to/4inaCycleofT...

Any of you lot at the anti ‘Br1st0l patr10ts’ thing yesterday?

Starting the year with hope for the internet. Looking for an extension for DuckDG that blocks chaff sites. Also, looking for a setting that blocks shops, all shops. *Imagine plays faintly*

A fig is just a regular pear that happened to have been on the Event Horizon when the gravity drive was activated

Say what again. I dare you. I double dare you, motherfucker. Call me jinglehorse one more time.

People who think avant-garde dance is weird and not for them are tricked into really enjoying it by sneaking it into every fight scene of every action movie

Visiting someone in hospital, sure, nurses like chocolate. However, they really like fruit, fancy tea, nice ground coffee. One asked me to bring carrots but I worry that I’ll turn up with a bag of carrots and she’s not there and it looks like I think of them all as mistreated ponies

Justifiably furious people responding in a measured, dignified and constructive way always gets me

Seen zero wrapped-chat this year. Proper job.

You are good. Good at music. You are good and good at music and you don’t need more plugins. Good luck.

Many drivers reckon that their horn helpfully disperses traffic

So, you wanna tell me a little more about this label my seller has created?

Waking to faux-outrage posts of horny Americans is funny but, fellow Euros, don’t click; they are likely still spelling colour wrong.

Yeah, rob them and sell the loot on eBay. It’s what Labour voters have been saying all along.

Tip for people who are attending a testing day where they do a 6 minute walk. Absolutely do not think about the song ‘stayin’ alive’ mid walk test. Your gait will become unconcealably lascivious and the nurse will have to make a note of it. This stays on your medical records in perpetuity.

28 apps later

The idea that immigrant nurses on less than 38k are somehow dragging the country down can only settle in the mind of someone who prints their emails.

Ideas for a social media website: - Readers can set the font/size/colour of the text - Background can be a calming photo of a pet - Replies to a post don’t need to be public - Readers can block videos, images, emojis or letters that they don’t enjoy - Not run by total bastards

Consent is an existential threat to openai so naturally they are making a sexbot.

All-lowercase-no-punctuation makes your posts look like Sam Altman messaging Morrissey.

I just found out about scooped bagels and it’s reminded me that America is the cream cheese Icarus, it cannot be saved.

That thing where you want the prestigious peace prize but the last remaining friend you haven’t publicly double crossed yet is still in the middle of an appalling genocide.

On the train to London, in black, with an old CTM tote that’s got a 2 litre coke bottle filled to the brim with my own piss in it; feeling the most doom metal I’ve felt in ages. Have a blessed day, my fellow shrieking revenants!)))

Made my coffee a few grams stronger this morning and until it wears off I think I’m sold on the idea that Americans are going to have to boycott America.

I don’t go into supermarkets so a lot of things felt odd. I walked past a deodorant that claimed to keep you fresh for 72 hours, it haunts me now.

If you think of birds as little monosynths then everywhere is cafe oto teethrecs.bandcamp.com/album/betwee...

When a friend was doing their stay-in-country-test they had an app to test their patriotic knowledge. I failed it, all of the people who we were hanging out with failed it, it’s not stuff British people know. He passed it and still reckons Brits are a bunch of cunts.

In the good timeline Super Furry Animals are Oasis

Super quick one, when I put my gun down the back of my trousers does it go inside the pants too or between the pants and the trousers?

Using its sharp teeth and forward set eyes to spot weak or elderly specimens, autism predates paracetamol.

All interests are specific, obviously

A lot of people have jumped directly from ‘let’s get people to vote’ to ‘You palm the paper clip then pick the lock on your cuffs and make your escape.’

I’m not disparaging anyone’s efforts but there’s a real chance that a picture of a puppy won’t cleanse my timeline this week. By all means, give it a wipe though, can’t hurt.

He embodied everything that I admire in music. In fact, in people in general. He wore it so lightly that you could mistake him for a pretty cool dj. The fact that you know who I’m talking about is testament to this.

Lost half an hour there, daydreaming about a soup that was infinitely chunky. What would that look like? It’s not as easy as it first seems. Soup is amazing.

Looking at the streets today, it’s clear that a dark thought has stirred in the minds of men. They want to turn the clocks back and don’t care who gets hurt. Shorts

Right wing types, particularly the American ones, flatter themselves that they are especially driven but really they are like a bacterium drifting up a sugar gradient.

America, The Insurrector’s Cut

On the other hand, great news for people who always wondered what it would be like to live in times where progressive ideas needed to be concealed into art as allegories.

‘Grate a pear’ is a joyful way to dismiss sloppers

You might think that you had a grasp on how bad all of this is but it’s worse, way worse; the meek are being skipped over and the earth is being inherited by the podcasters.