Yeah, rob them and sell the loot on eBay. It’s what Labour voters have been saying all along.

Tip for people who are attending a testing day where they do a 6 minute walk. Absolutely do not think about the song ‘stayin’ alive’ mid walk test. Your gait will become unconcealably lascivious and the nurse will have to make a note of it. This stays on your medical records in perpetuity.

28 apps later

The idea that immigrant nurses on less than 38k are somehow dragging the country down can only settle in the mind of someone who prints their emails.

Ideas for a social media website: - Readers can set the font/size/colour of the text - Background can be a calming photo of a pet - Replies to a post don’t need to be public - Readers can block videos, images, emojis or letters that they don’t enjoy - Not run by total bastards

Consent is an existential threat to openai so naturally they are making a sexbot.

All-lowercase-no-punctuation makes your posts look like Sam Altman messaging Morrissey.

I just found out about scooped bagels and it’s reminded me that America is the cream cheese Icarus, it cannot be saved.

That thing where you want the prestigious peace prize but the last remaining friend you haven’t publicly double crossed yet is still in the middle of an appalling genocide.

On the train to London, in black, with an old CTM tote that’s got a 2 litre coke bottle filled to the brim with my own piss in it; feeling the most doom metal I’ve felt in ages. Have a blessed day, my fellow shrieking revenants!)))

Made my coffee a few grams stronger this morning and until it wears off I think I’m sold on the idea that Americans are going to have to boycott America.

I don’t go into supermarkets so a lot of things felt odd. I walked past a deodorant that claimed to keep you fresh for 72 hours, it haunts me now.

If you think of birds as little monosynths then everywhere is cafe oto teethrecs.bandcamp.com/album/betwee...

When a friend was doing their stay-in-country-test they had an app to test their patriotic knowledge. I failed it, all of the people who we were hanging out with failed it, it’s not stuff British people know. He passed it and still reckons Brits are a bunch of cunts.

In the good timeline Super Furry Animals are Oasis

Super quick one, when I put my gun down the back of my trousers does it go inside the pants too or between the pants and the trousers?

Using its sharp teeth and forward set eyes to spot weak or elderly specimens, autism predates paracetamol.

All interests are specific, obviously

A lot of people have jumped directly from ‘let’s get people to vote’ to ‘You palm the paper clip then pick the lock on your cuffs and make your escape.’

I’m not disparaging anyone’s efforts but there’s a real chance that a picture of a puppy won’t cleanse my timeline this week. By all means, give it a wipe though, can’t hurt.

He embodied everything that I admire in music. In fact, in people in general. He wore it so lightly that you could mistake him for a pretty cool dj. The fact that you know who I’m talking about is testament to this.

Lost half an hour there, daydreaming about a soup that was infinitely chunky. What would that look like? It’s not as easy as it first seems. Soup is amazing.

Looking at the streets today, it’s clear that a dark thought has stirred in the minds of men. They want to turn the clocks back and don’t care who gets hurt. Shorts

Right wing types, particularly the American ones, flatter themselves that they are especially driven but really they are like a bacterium drifting up a sugar gradient.

America, The Insurrector’s Cut

On the other hand, great news for people who always wondered what it would be like to live in times where progressive ideas needed to be concealed into art as allegories.

‘Grate a pear’ is a joyful way to dismiss sloppers

You might think that you had a grasp on how bad all of this is but it’s worse, way worse; the meek are being skipped over and the earth is being inherited by the podcasters.

There’s a yearly boot fair type thing in the town where my mother in law lives and she, Jess and the boys raised 400 quid for refugee charities and her elderly neighbour did 1.5k for Palestine with tea and cakes. With luck, they will do it again next year. This is the unity my boys will aspire to.

The Tragedy of Ling Kier

Zero MPs who used palliative care provision as a debating point against assisted dying have stepped up to address providing better palliative care. This is just sport to them.

Sure, it’s selfish, but my concern is valid: if the shooter is found and they turn out to be notably hot then it’s gonna make my life more difficult.

Hoping that the phrase ‘materially different’ did some stretches and remembers to keep its back straight today

Traditionally, on what they called ‘Bandcamp Friday’ musicians would assemble to offer organs or limbs for sale in return for listeners clicking a special button which lit a little heart icon. Their strange needs met, musicians return to a deep sleep; readying themselves for the next sacred Friday.

Cool picture but I’m concerned that cigarette is gonna fall out of Grace’s mouth

Cracked it: a web search that excludes shops

Considering a swear jar for reverb auxes on my mix

Love seeing my friends on my phone say ‘parasocial’, we all have wry little laugh about it

At any one time I have nine flags in my house.

Wake up, babe

What have we learnt? Be prepared. A box of treats, some drinks, whatever helps you celebrate. Be ready, be hopeful; the music can start at any time!

I bought into the whole kids-not-as-lefty-as-you-expect thing but the fact that ‘your dad paints roundabouts’ is a standard dig now has warmed my heart. The kids probably are alright.

Elitist, undemocratic and uncool to say but getting news from paid journalists is much better than attempting to aggregate sense from a crowd

The weather is warm, the mood is hopeful and relaxed. There’s a bit of fading pink graffiti on the crossing, dimmer and less visible with each group of happy people wandering across the road, out enjoying the bank holiday together.

I believe that there’s a quiet majority who have never enjoyed a statue

Actual pet sounds

That screen-time test of yours. Have you ever tried to take that test yourself, screen?

The Silicon Triangle - inefficient, psycho owned, only ever right by coincidence: pick three.

my new album ESCAPE is out today this one means a lot to me because the songs span my daughter's whole life thankyou to Jef at YUKU for putting this together yukumusic.bandcamp.com/album/escape

Because of the rules of politeness and our taboo around death it’s so hard to know what to say to very ill friends. However, I can confirm that if you say ‘wow, you look so well’ then your friend will smile but be thinking ‘well my doctor tells me I’m fucking dying’