Also, a good response is, “you want me to name obscure characters from your favorite show from decades ago? Okay, nerd.”

Hey, baby. Let’s head down to the tracks. I’ll fight a guy in a cowboy hat while you scream through the gag.

Yes, and I still believe in my theory that around 25% of the world’s population is in the assassins’ guild, and it’s only “secret” because everyone else is too polite to tell their friend in the guild that they know.

Now that’s not fair. The Talmud is way more ADHD-coded than autism-coded.

He really needs to make up his mind. Is Israel Nazi Germany or is Israel on the opposite side of Nazis? (Also, why would you make an Israel vs. Nazis dichotomy only to side with Nazis? It’s, to put it lightly, not a great look.)

Just so I can have said it before it’s common knowledge, I got the Sharkboy and Lavagirl reference in Dungeon Crawler Carl: A Parade of Horribles.

I can chart all the stars in the sky and predict the rises and falls of civilizations, but when I turn my vast consciousness in a certain direction, all I can sense is D̵͚̙̹̀͘͠ö̷̢́͆̓͋ṉ̸̳̱̑̀̚͝’̵̡̙̖̲̾̀̈́͠t̴̲̫̅̒̎ ̴̛͙̂̄͘m̸̻̣͓̺̉̇͋e̷̜͕͝ŝ̸͍͂s̸͉̣͐̔ ̴͔͗̏w̶͓̏̑î̴̘̟͓̪̀ẗ̸̜̹̟́̏h̶̘̦̍̐͝͝ ̶̧̞͚̉͛ẗ̵̢̠́ḧ̸̤́̓̾̀ę̴̮̪́̀̌͋ ̷͇̣̀͘̕͜M̴̱͝o̷͉̝̾u̵̧̡̖̽ͅs̵̳̮͂e̷̖̲͖̐.̴̡̰̽̆͂̈́

No, gay people in Israel having rights isn’t a bad thing. You can object to Israel’s military actions without assuming that literally everything that happens in the country is evil. It’s possible, no matter how much some people can’t fathom it.

Out of context, this seems like it could be a Galinda quote. Tragically, it both makes sense and is a lot less funny in context.

If you’re talking about replacing cashiers, self checkout already exists. AI can’t stock shelves or cook food since it has no body. Products are already identified via barcode. How would AI help in a grocery store?

This feels relevant again.

Excuse you. My hostas always look like that. Your inability to grow a peacock shrub isn’t my problem.

Star Wars should emulate the Muppets in remaking classic stories but with a coat of Star Wars paint. This way they can satisfy Disney’s appetite for remakes and cater to people who want Star Wars to get weird.

I would guess they’re sick of everyone having their own personal AI Jesus and are going to make an official one.

It’s really confusing that George Galloway insists on dressing like he’s from Lakewood while being so antisemitic.

Oh sure. Just drop a meteor on the volcano. Who gave G-d a copy of Sim City?

My Jewish food hot take is that bagels were invented by the group of us known for indigestion. If your stomach can’t handle that, you’re a special breed of anti-foodie.

For those who want to know if Jews writ large are white: an obnoxious WASP-type is complaining our ethnic food upsets her delicate constitution and she wants the manager to fix it.

…Is Paramount trying to claim Stephen Colbert the man is their intellectual property?

Inb4 hydroxic acid defenders start pretending it’s not a highly addictive substance with lethal withdrawal symptoms, and that it’s not regularly used by athletes as an unregulated performance enhancer.

Probably Prince Ellidyr in The Black Cauldron. I hadn’t read many books at the time which were willing to kill characters, and the fact he knew it would kill him but chose to give up his life to stop the cauldron from being used to make more zombies showed how far he’d come as a character.

Fun fact: the primary in Maine isn’t over yet. It’s still possible to nominate anyone but Nazi tattoo, slur-using, advocates-for-infidelity man.

You don’t have to say he committed war crimes. He already did. And bragged about them.

I love this. Also, I would like a game where you play as a giant tentacled flesh blob trying to help people in a facility without them freaking out and trying to kill you. Probably mostly through stealth, but maybe some form of communication is possible? I need to think it through more.

All things considered, if you have the money to buy a Cybertruck and want to drive your car into a lake, there are options available that won’t be immediately ruined by doing so.

This is the type of candidate that “Vote Blue No Matter Who,” didn’t envision existing. I think we can add an asterisk with the caveat: except for deranged weirdos and Nazis, since apparently they’ve infested our candidate pools now.”

This is a clear distraction from the Carmen Sandiego sighting. Don’t fall for it, Interpol.

One danger plaguing statisticians is mixing up your allergy medicine and obliterating all of your histograms.

My condolences to the Muslim community of San Diego. This type of violence is unacceptable and goes against the fundamental ideals of the USA. It also leads to minority religious institutions having to fortify their buildings, and further suppresses religious expression.

Part of the prayer service on Shabbat is a passage called Av HaRachamim (Father of Compassion). Due to its mournful nature, it is usually omitted on the Shabbat directly before Rosh Chodesh, which is considered a minor holiday. (1/2)

Post a meme made by you (PETA‘s overly intense posters are a font of inspiration).

Titus felt the same way back in the day. Now, Jews spit on his monuments, and his empire is long dead. אם ירצה ה׳ by you, too.

Wait until they hear about antibiotics.

If I may. (I’m not sure if having the letters in front or behind is better.)

Okay, but hear me out: A24 releases 5 or 6 of these, before revealing they were a joint venture with Paramount, which then releases the next D&D movie.

Hmm. I’m pretty sure the ’90s was ten years ago, which would make this the 13 year anniversary, tops.

As if she’ll still be there by the time they arrive. She’s only ever been busted by a bunch of PIs working together without needing to get prior approval for the arrest.

To be fair, we know Jesus didn’t die of natural causes. At least this is more imaginative than blaming The Jews™️.

They forgot the crucial caveat: if people are fighting over an orb you’re reading fantasy or watching a sports game.

I took that viral photo of one rabbit kicking another rabbit and made a fighting-game-style KO screen out of it. I used to write more, but now I tend to do more of these.

Following this theory re: JD Vance. God’s looking down saying, “the pope keeled over and died right after meeting him and he preaches against the ‘sin of empathy.’ What will it take for you to realize he’s the bad guy?!”

There’s a reason PokéMarts sell Repels.

There’s an old Hebrew expression which translates roughly to, “when the wine goes in, the secrets come out.” It seems relevant.

Stephen King’s 𝘊𝘦𝘭𝘭 as a zombie survival game, but set in modern times with more ubiquitous phones, and a button to answer your phone or call people you know that leads to an instant Game Over if you try to use it.

It wouldn’t be anything groundbreaking, but I feel like 𝘛𝘩𝘦 𝘔𝘦𝘵𝘢𝘮𝘰𝘳𝘱𝘩𝘰𝘴𝘪𝘴 would be interesting as a visual novel. Maybe with a few flashback scenes the original story just hints at.

Interestingly, the same crowd siding with MTG over AOC gets super offended if you suggest they’re right-wing.

Yes, and “I would prefer sincere enemies to people who insist they’re my friends while acting like my enemies and shouting at me for pointing it out,” is reasonable and fairly standard in this day and age.

So the guy who endorsed the Jewish Museum shooting and called for more decided to side with the Jewish Space Laser lady. Color me surprised.

How bottomless are our wings? Well, T̶̹͋ḩ̷̟́͒ḛ̸̘́ ̸̺́͐Ä̵̛̞̠́l̸̡̊ľ̴̲͍̌ ̶̩̟͂͂C̶̣̈͝ó̴̱̤͑n̷̘͐s̶̠̀̈́ȗ̵͉͔̈́ḿ̵̧̠͘i̴͍͑̀ṇ̵̠̈́g̸̝͒ ̴̢̟͒V̸͉̔͑ơ̸̠̲̋ỉ̵̘d̶̲̈͝ ̵̝͌W̷͚̌h̸̏̓͜ī̶̡̤̕c̸͖̼͘h̷͎̖̀ ̸͕͋W̵͕͍̽͌ȋ̷͉l̵̩̾̔l̷̮͋̈́ ̷̺̟̈́̚Ó̷̘͎̍n̵̥̬̏͐e̸̛̲̘ ̷̥̭̏D̵̨̚a̴̳̼͊y̸̛͍͑ ̸̢̳̽͂Ď̷̹̥̽e̵̖̓͠v̴̪͆o̸̝̰̓ų̴͐r̶͕̈̚ ̸̗̻̿̓R̴̹͚̈͒ę̵̊̇ǎ̷̙͇l̶̩͉͠i̶̬̮̽͠t̸̠̐̂y̸͇̑̾ has been here nursing a bucket for the last 30 years, so I’d say pretty bottomless. Also, you’re welcome.