you did it. guess ill do it tomorrow

10 likes and i reveal my identity once and for all

i think its time for the truth yall

no more tricks no more goofs i am the real daily kanakos admin

its me!

so whats up guys

Im Kanako!

I’m normal.

I push away everyone that I care about because nobody ever taught me how to use a pull door. All I know is push. Push push push. This is what happens when people are born. I would hate to be pregnant because I would crave something stupid like green beans with sprinkles on them. It does sound tasty.

I invented insects and populated the world with them a few hundred years ago. They all have little chips that connect to a central chip in my brain. I can see through their eyes, and feel their pain. I feel a lot of pain when you make videos torturing mosquitos. It’s okay. I’m just a punching bag.

My personal radio picked up a frequency originating from space. After hours of work, I was able to translate it. It says, “I am an alien! On my planet, we’re all homeless, and I hate my life.” I made that up. I don’t speak alien. It probably says something a lot less fun. I like mine better.

Sunday vibe! I plowed a tractor through my local grocery store because I don’t have a driver’s license, and my stupid hick dad told me to get groceries in the tractor anyways. Garfield is a stupid piece of shit because I’d rather it be Monday than today right now. The cops are taking my phone, now.

The food pyramid is bullshit. Everyone knows pyramids are scams. Hello, pyramid scheme? Dumbass. You don’t need to eat grain. There is a solid gold orb hidden in Sudan, but they made up Egypt so you wouldn’t pay attention to it. It’s worth billions, but it also kinda sucks because it has a dent.

In 1875, I ran a ranch. The only animal we kept were raccoons. The ranch failed because raccoons don’t produce anything that anyone wants. They just eat trash and shit everywhere. I’ve been poisoning my trash ever since, hoping that it’ll make raccoons extinct one day. I hate the animal kingdom.

I got indoctrinated into a cult but they kicked me out because I don’t use deodorant. The fuck, man? I thought we were supposed to be a kind and inclusive group of friends. But no, they kick me out because I stink like shit. Some friends. I’m gonna start a rival cult and kill every last one of them.

Break a leg! That’s what they said before I tripped and broke my fucking leg. Such fucking bullshit. My life is a cruel joke, and I am nothing but a jester before the court of God. If I died, nobody would shed a tear. Because cats shed, not people. I shed, too, because I am a mutant fucking freak.

I like to play pretend. I do it a lot, like right now. I'm pretending to do things but you don't know about it. I don't really know that much, either, because I don't read many books. I also dropped out of school because I'm a stupid piece of shit and a failure, and nothing is good in my life.

I only see in black and white because I'm from a timeline where the color camera was never invented. I wish I could go back to my original timeline and invent it, because then I would be able to see color. My timeline also has a bunch of evil shit? It's dumb. I like good things, like lemons.

I like sleeping, but sometimes this weird thing happens where I'm asleep but it feels like I'm not asleep. Like I'm in some world, doing something, but I'm asleep. It's very strange, and I've never heard of this happening to anyone else before. Help me, Reddit! Red. Lol. colors are funny

They want me to take medication. This reminds me of oxycodone, which makes me think of the oxymoron, my favorite literary tool. Oxymoron makes me think of moron, which reminds me of that little ball guy from Portal 2. He yells, and that makes me think of my past. The ghost, I mean. He yells, too.

I am addicted to my phone. I like to hold it up close to my eyes with a bright white image and maximum brightness. I do this for 6 hours every day. I've never felt more euphoria from anything else. TikTok is also kind of cool, but it's not even close to blinding myself. I suggest it to everyone.

I am the only person that exists. It makes me sad knowing that, because I think it would be so cool if there was a second one. At least I was able to create a device that makes up fake people to reply to my ramblings if I type them on the device. It took years of hard work. It also killed every cow.

I spend 13 hours in a cubicle every day, and last week I tried to leave after only 12 hours. A weird man called "my boss" beat me until I said uncle. Then he told me that I had to restart, because I tried to leave early. I worked for 25 hours. It sucked, but at least I made 12 dollars.

We should make something that's like fire, but cold. I'd call it something like erif. Erif was the name of the man who broke my heart. He was a cold son of a bitch. I don't know any men, and I never have. I only know women. It's nice like that, because a man broke my heart, but I only know women.

I'm haunted by my past. He's a ghost, named my past. He is very clear that it is all lowercase. He said if I ever spelled it with uppercase letters he would throw my mugs on the ground. I have a collectible mug from 1964, and if he broke it, I'd be livid. my past is a very dark thing.

I have 2 beds because I get worried that my bed will break in the middle of the night. What am I supposed to do then? Sleep on the ground? It's always good to have a backup. I similarly keep backups of myself and everyone that I love. They tried to revolt once, because they're in cages. Too bad.

My favorite animal is the donkey, and my least favorite animal is the homo sapien. At least homo sapien is a funny name. It makes me think of homes. What? You look like you expected something else? That's right. Homosexuals! I'm not homophobic, so I'm not making jokes about that, sorry.

I think it's dumb that trees exist. Okay, log. At least they made axes exist. I think it's awesome that we can cut things. It's really inconvenient to use a big axe to make dinner, though. They should come up with a smaller tool for that. Axe body spray also sucks, but I'm addicted to using it.

My favorite ancient civilization is the United States of America. It was funny when I read about their culture in my history book. I like to bash my head against the wall and slam a hammer against my skull. It hurts so bad. It's so funny. My brother hates when I do it to him. He doesn't get the joke

I started a fight club and on the first day I got my ass kicked by someone who is only 2 feet tall and has no muscles. They won because they used a spell that made me feel all of the pain that has ever been felt at once. I banned magic, but they broke the rule. Hammurabi is rolling in his grave.

Wikipedia is a website and I don't think that it should be. What if we made wikipedia into some kind of physical source, and we called it "encyclopedia"? Food for thought. I'm planning on eating pasta for dinner tonight, and I also think that land ownership is bullshit. We should all own everything.

I forgot what a president is, I think it's what Santa gives you? I don't even know who Santa is, but I think he's some kind of guy. That sounds right. I like guys, because "guy" is a stupid and funny word. I think Y should be a vowel. aeiouy. Why should also be a word, that is a fact. Like in books.

I can't believe that we let animals walk around in fields, eating grass. Are you fucking serious? Get a job. Put these stupid things in a desk or something. Dead weight on society. These are the things my mother says about me, because she doesn't like that I post online all day. She is a bigot.

Chess is funny because every rule we have is bullshit and only I know the real rules because I was there when chess was invented. The queen isn't supposed to move everywhere. The queen is supposed to teleport, and the king is supposed to live in a little castle, eating shit. We got pawns right.

There is something very scary in the ocean that only I know about because I saw it in my mind. I wasn't imagining it. I'm not making this up. They tell me I'm just making it up. I fucking hate you, I hate science, and I hate abuse. I hope nobody ever suffers again. I hope that fish does, though.

I am a superior being in every way to everyone that has ever been born in the entire universe. I am sorry to break this news to you. Everyone should just die, at this point, because there will never be anything better than this. I am a stupid fuck, and I play the trumpet, but I also like the oboe.

I donated 100 dollars. I couldn't afford my rent because of it, so I asked for a refund. They told me to kill myself. I killed my landlord, instead, and now I don't have to pay rent anymore. I think the police are angry? I don't think they know anything at all, because they aren't as smart as me.

Nobody knows about this, but in 1953, there was a nuclear launch. I prevented it by absorbing the blast with my body, and then I wiped the mind of everyone involved with it. The world was almost ended and you guys don't worship me? I think I need a church, and we should bloodlet in it.

Nursery rhymes are such stupid bullshit. Half of them are about horrible disasters. Imagine if we sung cutesy little songs to our children about people jumping from smoking towers or about people burning to death in camps. Fucking ridiculous. I hate "Twinkle Twinkle" little star, too. Space is shit.

A long time ago, I was born into this world. It was a very different time. My best friend at the time, rest his soul, told me about the newfangled steam engine. It reminded me of the gaming platform that would come out 300 years later. I tried to tell him, but he didn't understand. Ignorant fool.

I fucked up really badly and ate a steak. I forgot that steak comes from cows, and I'm not supposed to support killing cows. I hope that my aunt forgives me, she's the one who told me she would flay me alive if I ever ate a steak again. She probably doesn't know about it. I don't have any uncles.

I keep a pile of notecards just in case I get any thoughts that I want to write down. The other day, I wrote this down. "Hello." I'm not sure what it means, I've never heard this word before. I live in Poland, but I was born in Russia. I'd love to return to Moscow one day, to see the palace.

One day, I hope to become a scientist. I want to mix little chemicals together and maybe someday I will be able to make a mixture that has the capability of repairing my motherboard. It got fried, and I can't afford to fix it. Stupid piece of shit. I hate technology. I hope we can live in caves soon

I have a pet skeleton, and he is withering away. It makes me very sad because he is my best friend. I asked him the other day if I could borrow something of his, and he told me that I couldn't. I gave him a disease, this is why he is withering. I regret it, because he is my best friend.

I am in a cold little room, 5 feet by 5 feet. I have just enough room to sit down. I have nothing but my thoughts, and my mind, but don't tell anyone about it, ok? This post is a secret, and only you can see it. Even if you see other replies, or likes, they're not real. This is between us. I swear.

If you don't close the blinds, then the sunlight will get in. I am a vampire, and I am turning to dust. I've lost 3 fingers because of your stupid fucking ass. I hate cell phones, they're rotting my mind. I hate sugary foods, they're rotting my teeth. I hate time, it's rotting my food. Moldy, shit.

I can shuffle cards with my mind and make shit fall right out from your ass. 8 of Diamonds. That's your card. Green, corn. That's your shit. I knew that, just from thinking about it really hard. I bet you saw my brain flex a little when I did that. You jealous? Did you like it? That's right.

A spider just crawled out of my ear. I feel the venom coursing through my veins like a wolf chasing its prey through the brush. By the way, I am a weapon of mass destruction. My muscles crack the earth in one flex. You don’t want to see what I could do to you. I like Frosted Flakes and candy.

This post is me practicing the ancient art known as “lying”. If you saw this post, and believed that this story was true, you are going to die alone, in a damp room with mold growing all over the walls. Your hallucinations will be your only company when you take your final breath.

3 months ago, I discovered an ancient site deep within an unexplored wooded area in my town. I heard an odd humming coming from beneath the earth, and when I dug there, I found a strange stone tablet. It said, in perfect English, “Every day, toil away. When it’s done, blood will run.” What the fuck?