This slimeball is going to be Prime Minister in a couple of months, isn't he?

Somebody is cybersquatting on my domain. Every 6ish months I put in an opening offer of $100, and he comes back with a wildly inflated counteroffer. A couple of years ago it was $10,000. It's come down to $3,500 since then. I'll keep trying until one day he caves and offers it at a reasonable price.

Knees by my ears, where they should be on a leg press.

Good morning! Anybody of note dead yet?

@dacy.bsky.social @lewtheycollide.bsky.social Did you guys plan this?

There was a near-mint mid century G Plan shelving unit in the Sue Ryder for FORTY FIVE QUID when I walked past, but I cannot buy furniture for a flat I don't yet own. It didn't work out well last time.

I'm not sure I appreciate the tone of this targeted ad on Reddit. I am one of the MANY DOZENS of people that are NOT in the Epstein files.

Genuinely, genuinely hope that Labour, Scottish Labour, Welsh Labour, Young Labour, New Labour, Old Labour, New New Labour, all of the fuckers are absolutely annihilated in 2029. And I cannot WAIT until I'm doorknocked by my CLP.

My left hamstring has been on the precipice of cramping for about three days now. I wish it would just get on with it, and get the agony over with. I need to move on with my life!

Firefly by InMe is on. This song soundtracked my first ever heartbreak ("It's all over now, you've killed me!") So dramatic. So emo!

Me: <<Wonders why I have so many pups and handlers following me>> (Hi guys!) Also me: <<Has been wearing this gym vest for a couple of years without realising it has a pup mask on it>>

ngl, I'd have thought confirmation of the western world being run by rapists, paedophiles and murderers would cause more of a scandal.

It's 6am on Sunday morning. I'm in the gym with the other dickheads. I can't use my workout app because the subscription hasn't renewed properly. I'm completely winging it. It's a good job that as a certified PT I have been trained for every eventuality.

This is what I meeeaaaannn!! That woman that got shirty with me last weekend for "jumping the queue". There's no queue, you lemon! It's a bar! www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle...

I just found our jar of crispy chilli in the microwave. Which means I put it in there rather than the fridge when we last used it three days ago. Which means my senility is ramping up? I'm going mad.

Long term readers will know I have an irrational fear of hairdressers and barbers. I put it off for exactly 14 months but today I was very brave. I went first thing so there was nobody there, I asked for what I wanted, and I got it! I got what I asked for! Gay powers restored, etc.

We both just parked at the same time! We had a little chat. He's not going to do it again, though it took a bit of going for him to admit responsibility.

Bless them. The people of Kent think Labour is Communist.

I'd like you all to head to Google and give my company a 5-star review, please, so I can claim my prize. No I can't post the link. Not allowed.

Allow me to move the task bar to the top of the screen again, you cowards.

I relate.

Of course, today my phone reminds me of that time I went as Morrissey to a birthday party (my birthday party).

Instagram long ago clocked I like men and recently also home renovations, so it’s started showing me sponsored posts of hot men doing home renovations.

Not sure how much more Boomers-Getting-Shitty-With-Me-Because-They-Can't-Work-A-Computer I can take today. I am being so polite.

I'm not holding much hope for our local, former, only gay bar. 2026 is not the year to open a pub.

Morrissey. I mean the signs were there for a long time, and I don't remember the final straw. But the scales finally fell from my eyes. We now refer to the Smiths as "Johnny Marr's early work".

I've not had a payday since the middle of December 2025 and let me tell you how my Monzo is hanging on by the skin of its teeth. Friday come thruuuu

Owen has never knowingly backed the winning side, so his support here might just be the kiss of death for the poor, deserving Greens.

Something in my head switched a few months ago and it is now such an almighty struggle to wake up and get out of bed, let alone go to the gym. If I go to bed any earlier I'll be tucking myself in with the 6 O'Clock News. Stress? Chronic mild depression? Anaemia? Old age? All of the above?

I don't understand why they gave Ser Arlan of Pennytree such a gigantic penis.

My toxic trait is that if you start a post with "I had a dream where...." then I will just stop reading.

A belated resolution for 2026: to stop comparing myself and my lifestyle to those with family wealth. We could all have a flat in zone 2, endless holidays and cute restaurant dates every week if dad was paying your mortgage.

Leafed through a copy of Architectural Digest for ideas and inspiration, and was presented with adverts for wealth management for multimillionaires and also private jet hire. I don't think I'm a part of their target demographic.

Hold onto your ballsacks, they have ARRIVED in WATERSTONES, ENGLAND.

The Labour Party yet again plumps for the least best option. It's a compulsion. www.theguardian.com/politics/202...

The audiologist confirmed yesterday that my ear canals twist and point the wrong way. So that's one more body part of which I'm compelled to feel shame.

Walked from Southend to Old Leigh in Doc Martens that I've not worn much before. A rookie error, I realise. Got a nice photo, tho

Ryvita got me feeling a certain way, etc.

Privacy died ten or fifteen years ago. Nobody has secrets now; they're all out there somewhere. Delete Tick Tock because it's awful, but don't think you haven't already surrendered to Big Data.

Watching Faraaz for the last few weeks has really made me want my old accent back.

I’m rewriting our website and the target reader is… not a person. It’s (obviously, historically) Google and (suddenly, increasingly) ChatGPT. It's an exercise in "how can I make the cheerful doom robots recommend our business?" and it's exhausting.

Ok this is a good one.

Took a wee walk from my gym to the flat we're trying to buy. 12 minutes! Not bad. Here's the view from the front of the building. I quite desperately hope that this sale goes through, because look! That's London on the horizon, to the right. Behind Canvey.

As you all know, I've been a massive fan of the Traitors right from the very start, and I can say hands down this is the best season so far. Such entertainment!

Does anybody want to buy Blipcrate from me? It has no monthly active users and no assets to speak of. Yours for £300k. Otherwise I might just shut it down.

@thingbox.bsky.social Hi Jalex 👋🏼

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Well the replacement can only be Nigella, right? Delia isn't known for her personality. www.theguardian.com/tv-and-radio...