Working to teach Kita the husky 'Fake Plastic Trees' by emotively howling in tune

My deciduous magnolia is getting ready to bust some buds. You might actually hear them pop from Seattle

Loaned my truck out the other day. Then i got a Good2Go bill Finally called them & they said it was the 99 tunnel fee. I just blurted out, "i don't use that fucking hell tunnel!" The lady laughed and laughed. Then she couldn't find my billing history, and i told her, i don't use those fuckin things

I need to figure out WHEN the money is moving, WHAT form it's moving in (and to where), and HOW to get it to them to pay this cleaning bill

No sign of last night's fracas in my head

I may have figured out the Kita bed in the trailer

It's gonna rain

Living room and dining room walls, nails removed, holes patched... Furnace grates and elbows vacuumed. On to the floors, finally

Here we go

It occurs to me that i know very little about how i shed stress

Well fuck... This is all the Up I'm gonna get. Time for the Wookie jiggly-ball (and as i typed this i realized the depths of my bullshit) Jiggly-Ball stands, it can only be rescinded if i invoke "designated driver" So, mixed-state Up swing...a sleeper Rocket Man Everything is fine. Just fine

It wants so desperately to be an upswing... Well, dambits, BE a fuckin UP swing. Fuk!

Fixing to get my sparkly floor shenanigans all scrubbly doo

Maybe we can talk about the men who were allowed to rape me as a child and the church followers who ostracized me when i asked for help I once said "me too" in support of women and got my ass handed to me... Sure, tell me how to play this game

Here we go

Ok, Kita and i are rested. Again. Time to get a few cleaning items with Kita and then fund some vittles Why is this so fucking hard...

Went to do a medical check on a tree for Alex and all and stopped at the corner store first (where i always buy my chew). My hands were shaking so badly that i couldn't enter my pin at first. Fucking nicotine...fuck nicotine

Saying "good bye" on the phone is different if you're from the Pacific NorthLeft

I have my Daily Recipe Card in my front pocket Putting a daily treat in a baggie for Kita, in my front pocket I need to brush my face

Reggae was the gateway music

Boots I need to put a pair of boots in my new truck

Wookie adores the band 'Boston' Wookie has prolly driven over 600,000 miles listening to Boston

We are working up to this. As soon as Kita poos we are heading out First trigger to avoid is automatically buying a can of chew as we encounter a corner store. I've been practicing on this one every day. Time to stretch some limits

It is my dog's job as a dog to ::boop:: my pointy finger to let me know everything is ok. If no ::boop:: then we move to emotional first aid and get through it

I'm going to bounce in and out of isolating as necessary for awhile. It is a powerful short-term coping mechanism...if you don't watch it it will rip your life up Outcomes

The Great, Wookie Pull-Back. Time to check in about that

It's mebbe time for moar coffee

In my head i know precisely where everything is (and it's all gone)...but i keep going to parts of the house where i know things are...and isn't that a special little hell

Learning curve 0.1.1 They took everything. I'm out of patching compound. I haven't been out of patching compound in 30yrs New lists, not judging, here we go

Kita the husky just brought two pieces of kibble into the newly-cleared living room, places them on the floor, and layed down in repose

Cleaning experiments on dirty wood flooring HypnoKita sees all

Vietnamese pepper and salt chimcken wings, because I am a worthy flower

I had it out with my neighbors this week (Seattle-Style) about the back fence. And I get it, they have been building that stretch of fence for 50-years. When we moved in they refused. I get it They got low-key pushy so I told them we would be settling for a chain-link fence with no compromises

I waited all day for those guys, again today They finally showed without notice at 1800. Now it's really all done I need new lists, and i think this isn't Feb anymore. Alacrity and shit

I'm inconsolably sad and it's ok and fuck this

I bummed a couple Wyze cams from husbear's room for my trailer. They are handy because without any network connection they morion activate and record in a loop on a microSD card and are USB powered Smokey can be seen checking husbear's room twice per day on the can footage

The chew i most miss is that cooldown chew between 2200 and 2300 And the answer is No. This is made moar apparent by my anxiety symptoms lately. The anxiety dance is all new again

That reminds me, I'm out of floss

I sat down on the side steps today and cried. They have all been really cool. It's almost done Tomorrow should be the last day of this

I took down my green sparkly lights in the kitchen

I haven't had any chewing tobacco since the first time i mentioned it Three more loads tomorrow and we are done. New lists for miles in this country Door hardware Fix the suddenly broken garage door Paint one door Touch up front door Paint front gate Patch and sand So tired

Tomorrow they come for the last trip

No more spoons

This is who i am right this second A 3-foot plushy unicorn with a chainsaw is guarding Kita's bed in the old house

The radical idea that adults are people and should be in charge of you

I really don't know how I'm gonna do this except to trust that all steps connect to the future Rooms are empty, progress hurts, here we fuckin go

If I'm working to understand through comparing context then it's a very big task. This is sleuthing. And context gives me a way to understanding things emotionally. My shortcut is always context. My shortcuts are emotional

At some point I'm going to have to declare this the new normal and start figuring out the new rules

There's nothing quite as tasty and impossible to stomach as what reality ultimately do to my plans

İ chose to not use a replacement therapy because i take a chew before starting every project. Nicotine and habits are insidious This is the first day i almost feel ok'ish. So far, so good