someday I'll wake up to a message from her saying she's decided to take her own life, and by the time I see that message it would have already been far too late for me to do anything

very cool that every single day I get reminded that people only ever see me as a man

returning to my "really horny when I wake up" bs (it's actually kinda annoying I usually got shit to do in the morning)

need someone to go feral over my feet immediately

it's been waay too long since I've woken up and immediately given someone head, need to change that sooner rather than later

yea I have a mental list of friends amd mutuals I'd totally date yea I know that's a weird thing to think about as often as I do

should I be worried that forcing myself to not have extreme breakdowns is becoming a regular thing

it doesn't get better than this, does it

I don't think enough people realise that to be comfortable and happy with true transition, you also need to be comfortable and happy with your living situation and broader lifestyle

my life is wasted on me all I do is bitch about how things aren't better and sleep to avoid my reality so I never have to do anything to change my circumstances

I just wanna date a they/them with nice feet is that too much to ask (I may have started dreaming about this oops)

playing sonic 2 on a model 1 mega drive on my 32" crt television connected with stereo scart cables and there's scented candles lit and I'm naked and moisturised and i got a buttplug in my ass being alone doesn't get any better than this

every now and then I accidentally end up on the Instagram reels tab in their app when I'm trying to swipe to something else this happened last night and it immediately showed me a Brazilian hatsune miku cosplay foot fetish video how do they know HOW DO THEY KNOW

chatted with my bestie and her girlfriend for the first time in a couple days and all is good in the world again 😌

trying to avoid a full-on breakdown while at the same time realising my paycheck no longer covers the costs of the life I lead meaning I'll have to start taking overtime again at a further determined to my physical and mental health

words cannot describe how much anguish and despair I'm masking rn

can someone please tell me what I'm doing wrong

supposed to be on a date rn but she cancelled at 2am so I've slept til the afternoon instead to try and take my mind off everything

took a super long and softening bath this afternoon and it's made my nips so raw and sensitive omfg 😵‍💫

jacking off with moisturiser or lotion has always kinda confused me, it always absorbs into my dick and hand too quickly and it's back to dry rubbing within minutes

imagine being queer and trans and loved yeah me neither

ngl the reason I can't let people move on and only be briefly part of my life and I constantly reach back out to them is because of how many times I've had to talk friends down from suicide attempts and I'm afraid what will happen when they start cutting off connections and isolating themselves

has it really been over a year since I last had to talk a friend down from a suicide attempt? wow I'm glad I haven't had to do it again in the past year, but I do know she's attempted since then and never directly told me coz she didn't want to stress me out idk, I wanna do what I can if I can

I'm kidding myself really in the vain hope that there's a better life for me out there somewhere, in reality I'm gonna be unloved, unsupported, and unaccepted wherever I am

essentially got confirmation last night that if i come running to someone, no matter for how long, how far, or how frequently; nobody's gonna come running for me 👍

I am the one to give you life again I am the one to save your soul

I'm very privileged to have so many beautiful people in my life (even if most of them are on the other side of the world)

its down to four but I'm happy for person number five, they've taking a good direction in life and I'll continue to support their personal goals as a friend without benefits

I would be in such a beautiful and loving queer polycule if I lived in the states...

genuinely tho, how the fuck did I end up with FIVE people actively wanting me in the span of a couple weeks and NONE of them can see me for at least two months I didn't even do much what the fuck happened why am I desirable all of a sudden

gun ownership is one of the few things we'll never agree on

this week in "fio speaks too soon"

been getting some nice compliments about my boobs lately but I could do with them more often #tbh

you ever been on call with the bestie and she shows you a video of her fucking her ass with a huge dildo out of the blue and she asks why you've gone so quiet because she's knows you go quiet when you're flustered

messaged someone who hasn't talked to me in a month today coz I'm desperate 🤭 (she didn't respond)

I was fully expecting a "fio you have to stop living in the past, move on and find new people even if they were interested in you", genuinely shocked to get the complete opposite advice tbh

I hope I'm loved in whatever, if anything, lies beyond this life

there's only one thing guaranteed in my largely uncertain future and that's swinging from a tree someday

can't stop being anxious lately idk what's up with me

I'm so so so so so so so bad at being the one to start sexting or being the one to engage any kind of sexual encounter for that matter and I will never improve I will simply will never be confident in myself or other people's attraction to me to be able to properly engage and communicate

when I was around 15-16 my parents went through a phase of getting me to fill out "am I autistic" quizzes online, and every time they were annoyed when the results said "yeah kinda, but not enough to have significant impact on your daily life"

last night I finally had a dream with a vaguely sexy element to it (even if it was brief and offhanded), these things never happen to me this is notable I swear

seriously having to weigh up if my dreams are achievable and slowly reaching the conclusion that they're not

I need to fuck again so bad you people have no idea

I wake up yearning or horny and sometimes both

I need to cuddle and kiss someone so bad...

not even a ten minute call and I managed to take the bestie from almost suicidal from having to be around her extended family and being misgendered constantly to laughing her ass off at my analysis of resident evil games and calling her a fucking idiot for not realising, I'm literally the greatest

caught myself in the mirror while changing top after work and saw my steadily growing boobs and my hairy musky pits and flowing hair and realised this will never not be a good look for me

they've started drinking monster + vodka on the regular the nighttime and is it bad I kinda want to be there with them when they get wasted with a caffeine rush in the hopes they go feral over me and can't get off me and are just all over me coz they like my boobs and my ass and my lips and my dick

my boobs have really been starting to jiggle recently....