I wonder if anyone ever thinks about me in the shower

last night was sexually satisfying yes, but today I'm left wanting someone to come over and get high with over a pizza and a movie and then after they suck on my boobs and give me a footjob

kinda forgor how tight you get after not riding it for almost three years, still took it like a champ tho 💪😤

nothing I do ever matters ot will ever make anything better for myself or others, what's even the point of me anymore

there's only ever been one person in the whole of my life who's ever been attracted to me enough that not only do they take me on a date, but we end up fucking as well can you blame me for trying to get back with them again and being disappointed when the same problems come back?

homo loan for a full week, you know what that means (cleaning all my sex toys and railing myself silly that's what)

can't shake the feeling that the girl who kept cancelling on me a few months back killed herself

I've spent all day avoiding a breakdown that would lead to harming myself and it's still yet to happen, be proud of me

ineed ticut myself to fucking shreds but I can't find my knife uuuggghhhhh

I want to be loved again

we've all had that one splatfest that makes you suicidal

oh man it sure is tiring being so right about everything all the time

having strong sexual fantasies about friends with benefits in the us again and I'm not due to be back for another 4 months uuugghhhh why does everyone who likes me have to be so far away it's unbearable sometimes

when someone you're talking to suddenly remembers you're a dorky pervert freak so you gotta hit em with the bag of wet eggs from morrisons to distract them

sent her a new friend request lol

living up to my haunted by my past reputation today holy shit

been thinking about the person I went on a date with back in June too, I hope they find themselves someday also thinking about the girl who kept cancelling on me, I hope she can come out of her shell more and find acceptance someday

thinking a lot recently about the man trouble with one of my bestie's friends had last time I was in the states and how it's probably gonna repeat itself next time I'm over there coz he desperately wants to fuck me but treats me like utter shit when we're hanging out as a group

today a co-worker made a joke about crispy socks and it's got me feeling things and wanting to message her again

I need to lower my hopes and expectations, that's the only way everything will stop hurting me

perpetually haunted by my past and how I can never let myself have a good thing going

I wanna take a buncha pills and vomit all over the floor at work today

fuuuuck I could really go for some ending it all rn

I'm gonna be home alone in a couple weeks but I need to be drilled in the ass right now this isn't fair

I've considered going by they/she but only for close personal friends, but I haven't said anything coz if you give anyone an inch in which pronouns are acceptable they'll take a fucking mile and disregard the first preferred one entirely

my prog has never slided into me as easily as it did last night, what could my ass be trying to tell me by taking something up it like it was nothing

on the continuing theme of starting the year badly, that one person I went on a date with back in July before they promptly dropped me for not immediately starting a fully committed relationship with them is back in my DMs and since I'm so desperately lonely I'm going along with it

my goals for 2026 are to be held by someone who loves me and to see a pussy irl for the first time

once again I am consumed by cuddling and kissing dreams

"I bet you treasure those videos of us three~" "yeah, nobody ever thought to send me any of those videos..."

I desperately need to be held and told things are going to be okay

having everyone who loves me be on the other side of the world and only being able to see them every 4 to 6 months is starting to get to me

a big problem for me is since my attraction to people involves a lot of physical intimacy and not just sex, when I'm in a lonely and horny mood I can't just jerk off and be satisfied I need to hold someone and have them hold me and feel their warmth and their breath and their heartbeat and and and

dreaming about cuddling and kissing..

I don't like bitching about presents I've received coz it makes me feel like I'm being an entitled asshole, but when it's obvious only two members of your extended family actually bought Christmas gifts for you and distributed them across all your family members, that's a different story

looking through some old pictures and all it did was remind me how those closest to me no longer trust me anywhere near as much as they used to because of my repeatedly shitty behaviour

I need to work on purging impure and harmful thoughts from my mind

I can feel myself entering the shame part of the "aggressively horny > shame > feeling nothing > repeat" cycle I'm constantly in

I really gotta cool my shit

realised that a lot of the sex I've had recently had been kinda unsatisfying ngl, like just going through the actions and motions with no build-up or aftercare maybe that's why I think about my most recent mistake so often, there was so much build up in that and it made me feel actually appreciated

"adam sandler's click"

I can't wait until I'm in my 40s and I can enter my milf era and sit around doing things in places and have people think I look hot even when it's dumb shit like reading dr who and the zarbi with my huge nerd glasses

I miss physical intimacy [this user last experienced physical intimacy less than a week ago]

during my two weeks in the states my "I need to end my life" thoughts happened maybe only a few times I've been back in England for two full days and they're happening every few hours I think this may be connected to being in England

I don't even know what I'm doing over here anymore, it feels like my life has no trajectory or achievable goals and I'm just going to rot away on this forsaken island until I don't have any life left

had my first wet dream in months last night. they always catch me off guard since they only happen a few times a year at most, but I'm feeling weirdly embarrassed and guilty about this one? it was all really vanilla stuff as well so idk why I'm so put off by it

my dick is so unused it hurts the day after I jerk it even a little surely this isn't healthy

is it bad I had a dream where I was cuddling someone I've never seen a picture of, let alone met irl I could just sense it was them y'know

can you IMAGINE how funny it'd be if I died in my sleep tonight, my best friend finding me in her basement mourning me and how our wounds never healed and how the rift between us never closed up; all on the day her girlfriend starts her weekly visit where she stays for a few days, hilarious!

now I've been thoroughly shamed for my actions that hickey on my boob is a very uncomfortable reminder of my mistakes and I just want it gone grraaahhhh