How many times can you order only calamari from a place before it gets weird

Lmao I choked in my uber this is what I get

I'm so tired of head hurting

Love finding someone else with the same extremely niche comfort character and sharing that unspoken understanding that you both have the same mental illness

All the hot girls spiral into madness

Also yeah, not dead, my body has just been exploding because why wouldn't it?

This is a very niche complaint but it pisses me tf off when my episodic cluster headaches choose a different time of year to start. My bouts have ALWAYS been in winter and I already paid my dues in February. What do you mean we're doing June now???? I'm going to commit a crime.

Need an Argiope aurantia so bad rn

Past age 25, phone updates that rearrange everything feel exactly the same as someone dropping you in the middle of the woods with no map and no resources to make you claw your way back to civilization

It's amazing how the best method to catch like 1/3 of wild animals is to just throw a dish cloth over it and grab it

Million dollar idea: an allergy med that doesn't render you unconscious or make you feel like you've been made to walk the plank over shark infested waters

Yeah, I can see auras. No, it's not a migraine, it's just that everyone has a blurry rainbow appearance because I'm psychic. I ran into that wall because its aura was so strong.

Everybody shut up and look at my nepenthes bicalcarata

My ideal fantasy: you bring me a nice cold glass of chocolate milk and then leave me the fuck alone

I'm in prison. I'm in prison, and I have no utensil to eat my snack.

I long to return home. The mechanic won't let me go. They keep asking me car riddles about my car. I don't know the answers, car riddler. All I know is bug facts. Free me.

What if we kissed under my nepenthes bicalcarata

Can you believe it, me, the owner of a nepenthes bicalcarata? Heh, and they say dreams don't come true. Later nerds, I've ascended to a plane you can only aspire to.

Okay

Would kill for a jello cup rn

What the absolute fuck is the point of skim milk

Does someone pop out and shoot you if you use a regular whisk for matcha and not the bamboo thing? I'm literally shaking

Ahh we meet again, my mortal enemy, dryer sounds

Cognitive dissonance is really incredible, because a family member can go "Yeah, I had a horrible experience with (mutual family member), and all of these other people have had the EXACT same horrible experience with (mutual family member), but this time for sure it's the other person's fault."

Behold. My sick as hell 1920s/30s strawberry lamp, of which I have 2. Haters will say it's fake

I can't believe no one on fb marketplace is getting rid of a china hutch in exactly the right dimensions and style I want for $50. Clearly, they hate me and want me to die.

"Daddy issues": overdone, stale, lacks pizzazz "Father bothers": fresh, intellectual, brimming with pizzazz

Living the dream tbh

Some used book stores need to chill. Why are you charging more than a new copy costs???? Are these boutique vintage books?

I miss my long-distance friends (I'm in NOVA and they're in DC)

My immune system is a yandere anime girl

You know the friendgroup is peak when no one can eat grapefruit

Went jogging this morning. I'm a jogger now. I can feel the salmon avocado toast and Lululemon leggings sinking their insidious claws into me. Remember me.

Head to the right end of the courtyard by the cafe when you get here!

Reminder! Working on building in person community today at 1pm at the National Portrait Gallery, in the courtyard. Hope to see you there!

No hell like finding a video that reduces you to tears from laughing so hard just for no one you show it to to think it's funny

Having in person community is important! For anyone that wants to come - a group of us are meeting in the courtyard of the National Portrait Gallery this Sat Feb. 1st at 1pm. Lots of space and everyone has to go through security to get in, so no worries about safety! Also free

First meet-up February 1st @1pm. When the weather is nicer we can meet in parks. Will announce the meeting spot when I have a better idea of how many people are coming. If it's just like 10 of us, we'll go to a cafe or something lol.

So... how's everybody's crashout going?

18 year old me after surviving my narcissistic parents and violent incel brother: "Wowzers! I sure am glad I'll never have to deal with this dynamic ever again!" 2025: No, that's literally the whole vibe now

Did a ghost and/or spirit write this article? No I don't want to visit the "quirky" murder tunnel. Nice try demons.

If you're sad, take a second to look at how cute Luna and Escher are. May you be blessed by the power of their friendship

Oh, you were never on tiktok? That's so cool. You should literally never shut up about it. Your Nobel Prize is in the mail. All of humanity is beneath you.

I miss tiktok. Please, someone with no pfp and a bio that has a Bible verse in it call me a slur so I can feel like I'm still there.

The duality of floppy dogs

An evil witch: "I'm going to trap your soul forever in this artwork!" Me: "Well, that doesn't sound so bad." Witch: "It's corporate memphis." Me: *screams of terror*

Ok fine I guess I'll have to take up doing crime now

MI AMORE

Want to eat these so bad rn