Zendaya's full name is Zenith Dayasystems

No Flying Goth in the simpleton Wurzel cheese rolling thing this year. Disappointing.

Saw a goth girl waiting at a bus stop. Black knitted beanie. Rucksack and a heavy top. Baggy jeans, those big soled mad black boots. Fingerless gloves. Scranning a tube of pringles. 31°C.

Hang on. Pep AND Milner bin it off at the same time? Enhanced Games just started AND the Tour de France isnt that far off. Doesn't take an expert to join the dots.

I was again going to explain how technical outerwear is just as important in these conditions as they are in the cold and wet. But what's the point. You'll all ignore me and just do taps aff or sweat into an old football shirt anyway. Enjoy.

My man 😍

When he introduces himself to Aaron Burr

Just watched the motion picture 'Weapons'. Now that's a wild ride.

QT: https://twitter.com/i/status/2058599097603391724

Don't forget! If you attend this rubbish your opinion on the possibility of an overseas association fixture is null and void!

Red Hand Adair That works on too many levels.

It might be for very different reasons, but both Arsenal and Spurs fans can proudly sing their traditional North London Forever anthem this evening.

Summon CHAD EVERTON

Harry Maguire already on the beach... thumping Greek coppers!

Fine time to find form MBUMHOLE

INSANE if Burnley finish 20th in a 19 horse race.

Annoyingly, I saw that bastard Jamie Oliver do this. Professional tekkers for bbqing the sausages. God I hate him so much. And no I will not clean that grill.

It's tough being a #pitmaster in this heat

Friends fear he's prepared far too many* tandoori chicken tikka kebab skewers for the barbecue again. *no such thing

League in the bag and a European Cup final next weekend and yet wankers like this are still upset. He's an unusually old example of the breed of 'fan' who doesn't give a fuck about the experience of being a supporter but instead it's 100% about crowing online.

Watching Footloose and enjoying the rammers

Reckon even I'd get into double figures in the Karcher. Clown league.

That BrewDog cunt either has zero self-awareness or the brassest of necks. Top 5 worst men in Europe. Easy.

Same but Hull

Sorry, Hull. I know you've been up before but your profile just doesn't fit the Barclays brand. It's Love2Shop vouchers I'm afraid.

Lol @ any insects who set up shop in the pizza oven over winter. I've given them 24 hours notice. I'm not a monster.

Hope the lads come back for round 2

I love this guys aggressively camp dietary tiering.

Frauderson. Get rid.

😍

The same weekend Pep leaves city? 🤔

Please remind yer da

Just been to the asdas AND Waitrose

We go again

Was busy yesterday but I'd have gone with Wish You Were Uuuuuurrrhgh

It's clear that Tommy Tickles is wiping the slate clean from Southgate's pool inflatable enjoying vibesmen. He's German. There is no place for joy and camaraderie in his plan, and rightly so.

Konsa & Quansah cover of Diamond Lights please

Ezri Konsa Jarell Quansah

Another £12m of taxpayers coin should make it go away. Sort it @king

If I was in a pub argument with Jeff Bezos I'd call him Meff Bozos and walk away with a flawless victory.

"Alright Officer Stavros. Remember me? Well here's your Big Fat Greek Heading" [DELIVERS VICIOUS HEADBUTT] "Evening Constable Dimitrios. Long time no see. Say hello to Inspector Zorba(lls) for me" [CRUNCHING KICK TO TESTICLES]

Looks like Harry Maguire has the summer off to go back to Greece and sort out those mouthy coppers once and for all.

Some of the replies to this. Jesus wept.

This was 2019. Nothing will ever change.

WELL WELL WELL IF IT ISN'T ROMESH RANGANATHAN ON THE IDIOT BOX AGAIN. I WAS WORRIED HE'D DIED.

Friends fear he's watching 1000 Top Live Webcams* around the world again. Man I love seeing what's going on in Zanzibar and also at the crater of Mount Etna rn. *not bongo

The Boys final series was absolutely honking but the final episode was absolutely not. Great hidings being dished out.

No wonder Harry Kane has score 340 goals in two season over there. Mechanics league.