lauren ashley bishop
@sbellelauren.bsky.social
📤 11820
📥 558
📝 872
comedy writer. comedy performer. mother of all dogs
maybe the east wing called him fat
16 days ago
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“wanna go 2 the protest tomorrow?” is the new “u up?”
22 days ago
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it’s gonna be raining here in arkansas saturday so yeah you could say protesting this regime is gonna get me wet
23 days ago
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bet a lotta dads get “raptured” going out for cigarettes today
about 2 months ago
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happy rapture eve don’t forget to leave out a loaf of bread and a fish for jesus tonight
about 2 months ago
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i know everything is scary but fat bear week is less than 2 weeks away just hold on everybody
about 2 months ago
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imagine going home to your wife and telling her "today i piloted a jet over SA survivors speaking so no one could hear them honey!" like be so for real i would smack my husband
2 months ago
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just heard the amazing news that florida just vaccinated itself against educated people
2 months ago
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he’s gonna die to distract us from the epstein files isn’t he
2 months ago
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it’s not enough for him to resign i want to see the worm eat the rest of him
2 months ago
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is the 2nd amendment just for mass shooters now? i thought it was for guys who wanted to protect us from a tyrannical government but those guys are all sitting on their asses right now not doing fuck all so i’m just assuming
2 months ago
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just fondly thinking about the national guard being deployed to chicago and how the wiener circle girls would absolutely END THEM
2 months ago
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i just cannot imagine giving even 30 seconds of my emotional energy to whatever cracker barrel is doing
2 months ago
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if you were the woman i just saw picking up a large pizza at 10am i just want you to know i support all of your decisions
3 months ago
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good news no matter how drunk you get at bottomless mimosa brunch today you will not be as embarrassing as andrew cuomo was this weekend you are marked as safe
3 months ago
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i would like to escape the timeline where “big balls” is trending
3 months ago
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democracy in peril? SHINGLES DOESN'T CARE
3 months ago
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he’s on the roof, he’s on the epstein list, he’s on the combination roof and epstein list
3 months ago
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my stepdad is so engrossed in watching golf he didn’t even notice my mom and i were discussing the names of dogs she’s going to get when he dies
3 months ago
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greg abbott is having a bad day therefore it is a good day
3 months ago
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shout out to swiffer i was so mad at your mop falling apart today and then i realized how refreshing it felt to be mad at something not republican
3 months ago
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HE SAID WE WROTE THE EPSTEIN FILES
4 months ago
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news: ICE is sad

me: NOT ENOUGH
4 months ago
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oh no seems like ken paxton’s marriage is bleeding out in a parking lot let me see if i can locate some sympathy hmm nope
4 months ago
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watergate seems so cute now
4 months ago
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we didn’t abort enough ann coulters
4 months ago
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oh my sweet god in heaven no this country is going through enough
4 months ago
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nothing like moving across the country to be like "wait why do i own all this shit"
4 months ago
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please tell your dog i said good luck tonight
4 months ago
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unhappy birthday new russia!
4 months ago
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somebody just do it
4 months ago
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was gonna say “no one paid me to protest” but then i remembered one guy did actually give me a dollar because he liked my signs so much OMG WAIT WAS THAT SOROS
loading . . .
5 months ago
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don’t forget to call your dad before the protest just in case you’re in jail for father’s day
5 months ago
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oh no if the national guard isn’t gonna be here saturday who do i give all this pepsi to
5 months ago
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how funny is this propaganda on a scale of 1 to north korea lol
5 months ago
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there should be at least one lesson in high school where they sit you down and prepare you for how much garbage cans cost
5 months ago
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never change internet trolls
5 months ago
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oh so he CAN send in the national guard when he wants to huh
5 months ago
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do you have to send a picture of your tiny penis when applying to work for ICE or do they just take your word for it
5 months ago
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shared a pizza with some neighbors and then one texted me later and asked if i wanted to go get a second pizza and it’s too bad i don’t date anymore because that is husband material right there
5 months ago
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repeat after me: no matter how funny this feud gets we still do not nor will we ever support elon musk, amen
5 months ago
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SCHOOLS ARE TURNING MY KIDS TRANS sir the schools can’t even convince your child that harriet tubman is a real person take several seats
5 months ago
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not declaring the murder of jonathan joss a hate crime is a hate crime in itself
5 months ago
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happy pride month from lord waffles!
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5 months ago
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sure we’re all gonna die but how about you go first joni ernst
5 months ago
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add a skeleton here at some point
5 months ago
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the only way jake tapper can redeem himself is by doing a tough interview with trump while experiencing the launch of the next titan submersible
5 months ago
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new reality show: we follow deportees going back to their home country but wait! there’s a twist! we also deport the employer who hired them: how will THEY survive? on the next episode of, “WHOOPS, I’M THE CRIMINAL ”
5 months ago
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raise your hand if yesterday you showed up to 5:45am spin class to a locked door because it was memorial day which you forgot because you have lost all sense of space and time due to the collapse of democracy hahaha lolol and also đź«
5 months ago
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dogs must think we’re being soooo extra when we put on our outside feet
6 months ago
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