Does anyone know how to make me better at conflict? I tried working with a couple therapists on it, but so far the only thing that has actually let me cause conflict has been extreme/prolonged stress. I'm so so avoidant 😭

Bought Papa Murphy's for dinner tonight - cried in the parking lot remembering how the first thing Mom wanted to do after getting out of the hospital was have a Papa Murphy's pizza party 😭

Good morning from my hair, specifically (my eyes still aren't awake)

My 9yo made her (and me!) dinner tonight - brownies and scrambled eggs. Since she made more eggs than usual, she accidentally added too much salt, and I did help just a little with the brownies, but it was really nice to have someone else make me dinner!

That awkward moment when you go to the grocery pickup in pajamas and realize you should probably stop at Costco next door... 🥲 Not today. Maybe I will get gas though 😔

I'm not sure if it's due to not rushing to get my baby dressed and out on the bus, or because we had to stand outside for about 10 minutes in the morning sun, but uhh being outside might be really good for my mental health 😅

I think I'm too tired to enjoy any April 1st shenanigans 😤

My kid's counselor mentioned bribing my kid in the morning with their favorite breakfast - maybe even a donut? ... do we think I can reasonably include ice cream as a breakfast food?

Back in middle school, we had an invention convention and these two girls came up with a cereal crumb catcher. At first I thought it was not very exciting, but when they presented it, I realized its genius - sometimes I still think about it when I get to the end of a box

I am told w/supply chains I've got 1-2 weeks to get the rollator. It's the ONLY model light enough that my genetic aortic aneurysms wouldn't rupture+all terrain. Must raise ~$700! Also $60 for seizure meds. helphopelive.org/campaign/159... Venmo: KARRIE-HIGGINS-2 www.paypal.com/paypalme/kar...

I had a long period of productivity today, yay (with shockingly little to show for it, sigh) - and now here comes the part where I figure out if I'll be a little worn out but stronger, or if I just doomed myself to no energy for a few days

I really want to make banana bread, but I also don't want to MAKE banana bread, if that makes any sense?

I have a child trying to hide tears, a child in the bath, two children secluded in their own months-long game, and a husband watching Tarantino movies for the first time with headphones on... I'm feeling a little... lonely

Do you ever just... feel crushed by the weight of your own inability to accomplish anything? (Sometimes I don't remember what is part of the human experience and what is depression making my brain be a jerk)

My 6yo did pretty good for the first half of the music performance... and then we had to miss most of my husband on drums because she kept trying to lean on the stage 😭 it was contemporary religious music but I wanted to see him play, I don't get to often

My husband is part of a live band for the church's stake music festival, and I checked the email to see what time it starts, and this man wrote "if your week has been busy, this is the perfect time to slow down! No tickets, no preparation, just show up." His kids are younger than mine 🙄

The good news is: I'm alive! Not really better, but definitely not worse. I don't hate standing as much (for now). Taekwondo has been cancelled, but we still went to drop off a form and picked up a treat from the grocery store bakery in lieu of a coffee date

Oh my GOD my 6yo is so adorable and perfect I can barely stand it 😍🙌

I have a slight sore throat today 😔 I don't feel terrible if I'm not standing (which is always awesome with four kids) and fortunately today I was able to take it easy. I'm desperately hoping tomorrow will be better, but that seems unlikely 🥲

I didn't get a nap today and I ate cheez-its for lunch... in the words of my kids, I'm cooked

TIL "malicious mischief" is a thing and... while probably an accurate description, I find it hard to take seriously

Hello I am grumpy and sad. I should go to bed but I need to get the 6yo to sleep first because I'm the only one who can

Well.... I took 6yo to a dr appt on Monday, did a bunch of grocery shopping yesterday, and had the appt and presentation today... I think tomorrow I'm going to take a nap when the kids are at school 🥴

Today I have the regular "drive 45 minutes to aural habilitation then 20 minutes to school" Wednesday routine, and tonight one kid has a concert, and I just found out that in the middle, another kid has a project presentation. And I'm already exhausted 🥴

My kid's friend gave them a pin that says "riots not diets" and I love that?? 🙌

We got a BUNCH of screening questions today at the children's hospital (normally they just ask at the virtual check in), and it looks like we have a tiny measles outbreak in Washington. So far all cases are unvaccinated or uncertain 🤞

My kid has a taekwondo tournament today! Which is kind of a bummer really because they'd been sick for over a week, so they've only gotten to practice twice. They keep saying "I'm cooked" 😭 but I thought they did well at practice yesterday... I just hope it's still a good experience

Uh oh, my evening schedule has been disrupted 💀

Made my Mama's recipe and tried to cheat the system by having one of my kids read the ingredients. I still had to look at the card occasionally because cursive, but I wasn't perusing it so that helped. My heart still hurts... but at least we'll have dinner in fifteen minutes

I can't remember if it was in 2017 when my grandmas passed, or earlier (maybe a grandpa?) but I realized some time ago that losing my mother would wreck me. And it happened so, so much sooner than I ever could have imagined 💔

Tonight as I reflected on my lack of executive function, I sang to myself "I am the Diaaaane who can't do anythiiiing" 😅

Since I was having trouble accessing my mom's recipe for golden brownies, I figured I could do it from memory 🫠 but I suspect I only used half as much flour as I needed because they look funky. WHOOPS.

Today I was unexpectedly rammed in the chest by grief 💔

Silly me, I planned on making a dinner that my mom made for me a lot, and I pulled out the recipe card... hand written with love and care for me, many years ago, so I could have my favorite recipes when I left for college

So many people recommended Legendborn that when I saw the available audiobook on Libby, I snapped it up! Has anyone else listened to it?

I was reading these facts in honor of women's history month - before 1993, women couldn't wear pants on the Senate floor. Patriarchy has really messed us up. What do you think could look like that in the future? In 2030, schools finally stopped teaching abstinence only birth control

so much depends upon two little pills that might not even help with my brain working

Husband and I were talking about how old this actor was, but then I cried when I saw he was born the year after my mom 😭 being sick and tired really lets the feelings out

Eating can be such a bummer. I have a killer headache (probably from not eating/throwing up) and I'm hungry... but eating does make my stomach hurt just a little still. Ugh.

One day I'll remember that driving is nothing at all like "just sitting" 😵‍💫

I can't tell if I'm hungry or my stomach is on the brink of being angry. I guess if the thought of eating doesn't make me queasy, I could try a few bites?

I have been taken OUT by a stomach bug today 😭 it's been a while since I spent the whole day in bed 😕

After hemming and hawing over it for months, I finally decided to increase my antidepressant dosage (I've been semi-accidentally getting a 60 day prescription for a while) and I know logically I won't feel it for a week or two, but I actually felt like dancing to a song today and it feels GREAT

I've been meaning to make golden brownies (blondies with chocolate chips) for some time now, but even though I have the perfect opportunity, I'd have to open dropbox to get Mom's recipe and... I know objectively it's not like picking at a scab but it FEELS like it so I leave it alone 😕

If I could stop coughing, that would be really great

I am not a perfect mother, and having four kids can be so overwhelming! But... wow I love these little people. And loving them feels pretty dang good.

Dear brain: what the heck, dude?

I'm doomscrolling and it makes me feel like doom!! Aaah!

Is there anything more joyful than a 6 year old going through her first real Valentine gift exchange?? 😍 Everything makes her do a little excited gasp! I love it SO MUCH

I know people survive without their mothers but... look, I just don't understand why it happened to ME 😭