just held an intervention for my friend who is addicted to gambling. i think it went well but when she left she said "i bid you adieu" and im not sure how to feel about her continuing to make bids so soon

every time i see an ad for the dating app hinge i think it's weird how every single couple they feature already knew each other except for one where they both were in the same circles and were aware of each other for years

the wheels? on this bus? you bet your ass they go round and round. how else do you expect it to go all over town?

my 2025 was solidly meh. here's my reflections on it. tw for death inc. pet death, mental illness, suicide/attempted suicide, substances, cults, sa, transphobia, homelessness, emotional abuse

from the creators of "top gun" and "top gun maverick," the movie of the summer... "john the beetle eats a leaf 2"

it makes me unreasonably upset that "limbs akimbo" means having your hands on your hips and not flailing them around

santa should release the naughty list

the typa shit i text my boyfriend

alternate universe where all slang from the first few years of the 2020s stayed relevant and any ironic quality was forgotten: *guy sobbing* "it's... it's just that... i w-worked so hard to guh-get here, and... and it's just n-not as poggers as i... as i th-thought it would be"

things i do to feel cute and feminine: 1) wake up in the middle of the woods, covered in blood, with only two certainties about its source: it's human, and it's not mine 2) bubblw bath

in addition to holidays there should be unholidays. like i want to show up to my routine and have an acquaintance approach me saying "hey, any plans for guckle's day? i'm planning on cowering in the storm cellar with my cat and making sure none of the protective candles go out, just like last year"

soda jerk? he's actually quite friendly

hust woke up from a very vibid dream where i wroked for a company that did the packaging for boxed soups (?) and we merged eith anotherv company before getting bought out by froto-lay and they announced they were layong odd 6000000000 workers bc they needed to pat justin yimberlake as the new

don't bother. he's all hat and no tomato.

every once in a while i remember that i can legally perform marriages and i think that's pretty neat

*cracks knuckles* i bet you couldn't take one step into the REAL michigan without crying *points to wisconsin on the map*

my phone is almost out of storage, but it won't let me offload my files to the cloud because it's refusing to give the cloud access to my photos app. fuuuck

i once watched a man ascend to godhood. right there in front of the old power plant in new haven. i mean he just sped through apotheosis. he suddenly had all this power thrust upon him and he was so overwhelmed that he couldn't acclimate. all that power and no way to control it. he begged to vanish.

i just learned that the person who coined the phrase "don't believe everything that you're told" was actually martin scorsese. that fucks me up, i would have thought it's a much older quote

idk why but i always forget what songs darryl hall & oates wrote so whenever i hear their name i always just go "ah yes they're similar to simon & garfunkel in their sound" and nah, they're not lol

whenever i learn that a cis guy is prescribed spironolactone for like blood pressure or whatever i fight the urge to ask about his testosterone levels

periodic reminder that a local politician once doxxed my father and then when i criticized him in a letter to the editor he made up some whacky conspiracy theory claiming that i don't exist and that i was actually my mother using a fake name. oh and at the time i was 17.

was searching for a specific image in my camera roll and remembered when i found a random shoe with moss on it in the middle of the woods five years ago. metadata just plops it in the middle of my town so idek what part of the woods it was in but it was weirdly deep in there

i wish javid klondike was a real person and not just someone i made up to claim tax benefits for the last seventeen years claiming him to be a dependent

drinkin a nice cold glass of swarming bees

did you know that if you're bringing a bird on a plane, you have to have them stowed like you would other animals? except for crows and vultures and such, because they're carrion birds

i just realized that, technically, because all the astronauts were wearing spacesuits, nobody has actually touched the moon. like sure they've touched rocks and stuff *from* the moon but that's like if you asked someone if you could pet their dog and they said sure and handed you fur trimmings

in addition to fun facts there should be fun lies. like it should be socially acceptable to be like "fun lie about myself, i invented aspartame in 1972"

if someone is bigoted towards shallow pits does that make them a dentist

what if instead of "that threw me for a loop" people said "that looped me for a scoop"

today is the one year anniversary of my dad's death. i miss him.

root beer implies the existence of branch beer. which i guess is technically what birch beer is so that's not wrong

north carolinians when asked if something very likely will happen: "i dunno, praleigh"

snoom

i had to, i was compelled by a divine vision from george and harold

last night i dreamt that i was at a country fair and the town i was in had historic mines and bc of the fair they were giving discount tours and it turned out that they were clam chowder mines. like they would mine until they hit a vein of chowder and then they would install a tap and collect it

the other day i overheard someone talking about how his lost a leg in vietnam and he said it was because he stepped on an iud and the friend he was telling this to said "you mean an ied?" and he straight up just goes "no, what is that?"

to avoid spreading misinformation, the band thirty seconds to mars has released an official statement clarifying that it takes three minutes and two seconds to reach mars from earth at lightspeed, and their name is purely chosen for its vibe

what if brad pitt is actually called pad britt but every time anyone actively thinks about him or is aware of his existence he is thought of as brad pitt because of the observer effect

what if there were pre-versions of other bodily fluids "i'm about to get a cold, i have presnot dripping from my nose" "oh this injury's gonna be bleeding soon, look at all that preblood"

trump keeps calling it the big beautiful bill which is bullshit because i doubt bill clinton is really either of those things

in today's episode of "unexplained mysteries" we will be looking into an unsolved murder, a series of strange phenomena surrounding a supposedly haunted site, and rumors that leonardo dicaprio may have recently been spotted with an age-appropriate woman

just walked past a guy who was listening to music on his airpods loud enough that i could hear it and when i walked by i realized it was literally just the fuckin italian brainrot song wtf

i put a fistful of change in front of a drug dealer and he told me it didn't cut it. i said that's fine i don't want it cut with anything please help i woke up chained to a wall and there's a bear across from me

gettin that surgery where they rotate all my organs 180 degrees and then slap me in the face and call me a slur

yesterday i ordered some supplies on doordash, and they were very specific items so i made sure to have the dasher refund me if they were out of stock instead of getting alternatives. do you know what they did instead? got random stuff

i just remembered that when i was in about second grade or so there was this one girl whose mom had a job in science. i don't know exactly what she studied but i do remember that every day the girl would come in with a paper bag lunch with a different fun fact written on it with visuals. it was cool

oh god weezer's chasing me through the serengeti in a jeep & i'm running for my life but rivers cuomo just keeps singing "ooeeoo yer gonna die like buddy holly" and then when he misses his shot he just adjusts his pith helmet & chomps down on his cigar & squints through his monocle and says "oh-oh!"

every time someone says oomf i have myself a little laugh because all i can think of is like. having finished a really good meal but having eaten slightly too much. like. "oomf!"

it's more than a bit concerning that half of the videos i watch about internet cults that were recently exposed cover things i was already aware of i don't think i'll ever see one about pen but it's just a matter of time before i see one about silverwolf's cult imo, and i witnessed some of that