Damn, it’s so nice that the hardest part of my day now is telling my boyfriend goodnight.

Cucumbers are such an under appreciated sandwich ingredient. We all love a tangy pickle and a sweet relish but we forget about the humble cucumber.

I forgot Zohran Mamdani’s name and called him Zofran Mahatma Gandhi. Bestie knew who I was talking about 😂

H. P. Lovecraft is such an awesome and badass name. Finding out the H and P stand for Howard Phillips just sucks. So lame. This almost mythical man was probably called Howie by friends and family. That’s just too cute.

My scale thinks I’ve lost 71 pounds because about two years ago my friend weighed himself on it. I’ve only lost about 28 pounds but it’s nice to think I’ve lost more than that lmao

Saw this pic of Henry VIII and thought his chin looks like a ball sac and now I’ll never be able to unsee it

Legit had a customer say plastic bags don't harm the environment. 🙄

Happy to announce that I've lost nearly 30 pounds this year!!! Unfortunately, it's because my organs are trying to kill me 🙃

My mom took Tylenol PM so I’m only autistic at night

Get a snake. Name him Sir Pants.

68F in July?! Wtf?!?!

This is how you respond to flirting right? Like an excited Mickey Mouse? 😂🤣

The new version of “Do it for the vine” is “Do it for the plot!” and I love that

Every time I slide my charger around the port trying to plug it in blindly I think of Sherlock using the marks on Watson’s phone to figure out his sister is an alcoholic.

Me waiting for my boyfriend to be done playing games with his homies so he can hop on dc with me 🙃

Why does every god damn thing wrong with me make me nauseous?! Headache- nauseous, acid reflux- nauseous, anxiety- nauseous, bowel movement- nauseous. Like wtf?!

My sweet baby passed today. I’m so full of regret. I wanted to be with her when it happened but I didn’t know it would be this soon.

Every time I feel a headache coming on I think it can wait. I won’t take pain meds right away. Then before I know it my eyes hurt and every heartbeat is pounding in my head.

I’m not really a fan of Chappell Roan’s music but she could run me over and I’d say, “Thank you.”

I have to share this profound thing I just said: I want to live life to the fullest. The way life is supposed to be lived. I’m willing to have my heart broken if it means I got to love.

Can’t believe I just had my first mental breakdown in my adulthood and I’m almost 24. I was on a really good streak!

I started talking to a guy a couple weeks ago. He’s either too good to be true or my actual dream man.

My brain demands that I be immersed in nature, exploring, and experiencing. My body demands that I always be within a mile of a hospital.

gofund.me/f70c7267 I have noticed my dog Maia is starting to lose weight. I’m getting more and more worried. She’s not eating as much. My babies need to be seen by a vet. Please help if you can. #fundraiser #gofundme #pets #dog #cat

gofund.me/8905f870 I’m very worried about my babies and I could use all the help I can get. #fundraiser #cat #dog #vetbills

My entire 2024 right here

A friend of mine who didn’t vote basically told me he didn’t vote because it’s better to prevent civil unrest than to protect the rights of human beings. I can’t take this shit anymore.

Anyone in Europe want to adopt my cat? The only thing is my cat and I are a bonded pair so I have to come with 👍

Hello new Palestinian followers. Salam alaikum🙏 What brought you here? If it’s for donations you came to the wrong gal. I am very poor. Mashallah. I pray for you ❤️

It’s sometimes nice to peacefully eat pickles with chopsticks over the sink. Highly recommend.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch has gone too far and they can’t keep getting away with this. Why couldn’t they be normal and collab with Oreo?

Pic of my cat for these depressing times

Trump ended protections for trans people and is declaring one of his famous “wars” against trans people. And this is just the first thing he’s done! We’ve got another four years so buckle up and stand by your decision to not vote!

In case anyone didn’t know: I’m suffering 👍

Are appetite suppressors a real thing? What do I get? I eat like 1500+ calories a day and still go to bed hungry! My fat ass needs help!

Carrie Underwood? Never listened to her anyway. Kid Rock? Be serious. ...Snoop Dogg??? That one hurts.

It’s insane that I’m hoping to get cancer in the next 2 years before I’m 26. Cancer runs in my family and a crazy number of people my age have gotten cancer. I’m kinda waiting my turn. I have lots of health issues and things could very likely go that way. I just hope it’s while I have good insurance

My health issues make me want to go somewhere with free healthcare and caring doctors. My health issues also hold me back from so much by making me physically and financially unable to go anywhere. I’m cursed.

My body is so funny. Like rn I know I’m hungry but instead of hunger I feel nausea, heartburn, and gas. Isn’t that so silly of my body? Isn’t that so cool of it? 🫠

Acid Reflux and IBS are actual curses. I need a witch (or wizard) to help me break them. Willing to pay with childhood memories. Thanks 🙃

Hey @cunkonlife.bsky.social! Why was there a full sex scene in your new documentary? I watch these with my dad!

Someone needs to make a movie about Albina Mali

I just learned that Germany is funding Israel. I’m extremely disappointed. I’m trying so hard to hold onto hope for humanity and its depleting like sand in a bottomless hour glass.

Here we go again with this shit

It’s crazy that you can get songs stuck in your head against your will.

Happy Christmas everyone! Today the debilitating side of my ibs decided to make an appearance after 2 months of feeling fine. My aunt thought the gift she gave me made me upset when I got up an went to the toilet without saying a word. Nope. Just dying from the inside out. 🙃

When the snow sticks and piles up my existential dread decreases a smidge. And then I find out it’s gonna be in the 40’s in less than a week.

Can I get a job as a philosopher now a days? I wanna get paid for just saying random shit.

How do y’all have money for good tattoos?

I take my medicine. I take my vitamins. I drink my water. I have a consistent sleeping schedule. So what the fuck?