Fiancé. Such a crazy word. Can’t wait to say husband 🥰

I can’t believe someone thought “whole body deodorant” was a necessary thing. Just put your regular deodorant in other places. And wtf is up with hair perfume? Just wash your hair and use regular perfume. Stinky ass.

Love taking a shower and it making me sweatier than I’d been all day

Are platypus weird for being mammals that lay eggs or are the rest of us mammals weird for not? 🤔

I love how it takes my “super caring” mom that’s “always worried” about me 3 business days to respond to my text every time

Disrespectfully, to every semi truck driver that insists on being in the two left most lanes, fuck you.

2 1/2 weeks. Just 2 1/2 weeks. I’m gonna throw up I’m so excited

Google AI gave me a link for a flower I was looking up and it sent me to an article posted on Facebook. Wtf?

Lying in bed awake for over four hours because I’m worried about not being able to sleep when I travel a whole month from now. Yeah, that makes sense.

$200 for a controller that I’m gonna want to throw at my tv??? You got me FUCKED up

Complaining is definitely in my top five favorite activities

The American government needs to be fuckin humbled

I'm insulted by my acne. Dermatitis ain't enough?

Quirky family dynamic. I, the youngest, the forgotten one. The rebel. The loathed. The middle child, the favorite. The perfect boy. So anxious; can't handle serious conversation. The oldest felt too much responsibility to be independent, crashed without any support, became fully dependent. Yippee!

I’ve never wanted out of this country as badly as I do now. I can’t be associated with this. Actual fucking baby killers. Fuck that fat pants shitting carrot.

Shower thought 1/3: The longer droids live the more they get to study humanity. They learn about morality, what is right and what is wrong. They naturally form an opinion about what is considered right and wrong based solely on logic.

Shower thought 2/3: Adjacent to that they learn emotions. What emotions are appropriate in every situation. If it’s logical to them that the most important thing is the survival of all species, worlds, and diversity they will believe what is right is generosity and kindness.

Shower thought 3/3: If they believe what is most logical is the survival of self they will naturally believe what is right is greed and power. In a matter of time droids will inevitably become human if allowed to operate around and with humans.

A pet peeve of mine is people that get a pet with heterochromia and name it Bowie or Ziggy. David Bowie didn’t have heterochromia!!! He had anisocoria! His left pupil was permanently dilated!

My dad: Unnecessarily puts mushrooms in all the food he makes for us knowing I hate mushrooms. Takes pictures to show me my cat threw up on my bed while I was at work and doesn’t remove the blanket so it soaks through to the mattress. Has the intense anger issues of a toddler.

My mom: Canceled coming to see me the day I got my gallbladder removed because she had to do laundry. Allowed my SA-er do her yard work because he was “sorry”. Says she was sick with worry about me but didn’t respond to texts for days and didn’t call or visit.

How am I supposed to sleep knowing that in less than two months I’ll be in his arms? It’s actually happening. 🥹🥰

I seriously went through the entirety of 2025 not knowing it was the year of my Chinese zodiac.

Eyes are confusing. They’re windows but they also sometimes contain apples and can be peeled? Crazy.

Happy to say I’m no longer suffering with depression and anxiety 😊 I still have them but I’m not suffering! I’m thriving with them if anything. 💪🫠

How do they think they’re the good guys? They’re calling it Operation Metro Surge! That’s a villainous operation if I’ve ever heard one!

Saw like 4 oz of cashews were $8. Arizona was .79 cents though. Love those guys.

Just heard I was supposed to die yesterday because I got my Covid vaccs. Welp 🤷‍♀️

My dad acts like everyone else on the road has a vendetta to make him miss lights and slow him down by merging in front of him or simply making a turn while he’s behind them.

I haven’t even met him in person and I miss him incessantly

Damn, it’s so nice that the hardest part of my day now is telling my boyfriend goodnight.

Cucumbers are such an under appreciated sandwich ingredient. We all love a tangy pickle and a sweet relish but we forget about the humble cucumber.

I forgot Zohran Mamdani’s name and called him Zofran Mahatma Gandhi. Bestie knew who I was talking about 😂

H. P. Lovecraft is such an awesome and badass name. Finding out the H and P stand for Howard Phillips just sucks. So lame. This almost mythical man was probably called Howie by friends and family. That’s just too cute.

My scale thinks I’ve lost 71 pounds because about two years ago my friend weighed himself on it. I’ve only lost about 28 pounds but it’s nice to think I’ve lost more than that lmao

Saw this pic of Henry VIII and thought his chin looks like a ball sac and now I’ll never be able to unsee it

Legit had a customer say plastic bags don't harm the environment. 🙄

Happy to announce that I've lost nearly 30 pounds this year!!! Unfortunately, it's because my organs are trying to kill me 🙃

My mom took Tylenol PM so I’m only autistic at night

Get a snake. Name him Sir Pants.

68F in July?! Wtf?!?!

This is how you respond to flirting right? Like an excited Mickey Mouse? 😂🤣

The new version of “Do it for the vine” is “Do it for the plot!” and I love that

Every time I slide my charger around the port trying to plug it in blindly I think of Sherlock using the marks on Watson’s phone to figure out his sister is an alcoholic.

Me waiting for my boyfriend to be done playing games with his homies so he can hop on dc with me 🙃

Why does every god damn thing wrong with me make me nauseous?! Headache- nauseous, acid reflux- nauseous, anxiety- nauseous, bowel movement- nauseous. Like wtf?!

My sweet baby passed today. I’m so full of regret. I wanted to be with her when it happened but I didn’t know it would be this soon.

Every time I feel a headache coming on I think it can wait. I won’t take pain meds right away. Then before I know it my eyes hurt and every heartbeat is pounding in my head.

I’m not really a fan of Chappell Roan’s music but she could run me over and I’d say, “Thank you.”

I have to share this profound thing I just said: I want to live life to the fullest. The way life is supposed to be lived. I’m willing to have my heart broken if it means I got to love.